The Long Road Back to Normal

This may be news to the blog world but not to those who see me regularly, I am no longer baysitting Katelyn. She is a sweet girl and my girls loved having her around but it was just to much for me. I was stressed out and tired and losing some ground in some key areas of my life that we just weren't willing to sacrifice. In the end it took Dan telling me it was time to let go for me to feel ok about telling Katelyn's parents. I feel a bit like a loser, but I have to keep telling myself that my first priority is to MY family. And I wasn't able to do it all.

Kudos to you moms who do! I would much rather be poor and eat spaghetti every night of the week. Work STINKS! No matter how great the job or boss or coworkers! I am not cut out for it. Maybe my standards are just too high and I am unable to let some things go, I'll just keep telling myself that so I feel better anyway. But honestly, I know that I made the choice that is most honoring to God. I am able to focus solely on my family.

Anyway, Katelyn's parents were very understanding and God worked out the details. I told Katelyn's parents on Monday but told them I was committed to keep her through Oct. because that was the original agreement and on Thursday they told me they had someone to keep her already!! Maybe I was just supposed to be the inbetween person anyway! But I have to tell you it is a bit humbling to realize I couldn't do it. I know that I was obedient to God's call and it just didn't last as long as I thought. I learned some valuable lessons!! It also helped me get Elise going on the potty training!! Woostinkinwho! If even just for that it was definitely worth it!!

All that was just background to say that I thought it would be really easy to get back in gear and on top of my game again and now it's been a week with out Katelyn and I still feel like I am recovering ground! The sad part is that I don't want to do all the stuff I know I need to. I stopped keeping Katelyn because I wasn't able to do the things I knew I should with the girls and now that I have no excuses I am still not doing them! I guess I have to give myself a little time. I always try to just jump right in and start back where I was but that just never happens!!
Kind of like when you are pregnant. I always thought if I could just have this baby then we could get on with life! OH NOT TRUE!! Then I would think well, once she's sleeping through the night! It is just a cycle and at some point you just have to get tired of waiting for the perfect circumstances and DO what ever it is you are waiting for to happen. Every day I make a small bit of progress towards my goals, so we'll get there. But Dang, it sure is slow going!

I know that I could never be a women's speaker because everytime I read scripture in front of a group I am so moved by the Word that I cry. Not that that is a bad thing but it sure is hard to understand a blubbering woman!

I took the advice of my dear Mother-in-Law, Diana and my sweet husband and I used an excerpt from my blog. It was just right. I was able to share what purpose my blog serves and then I was able to share a devotional thought. The verse that made me blubber? I Cor. 13:10,12. "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears...Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." Isn't that exciting? When Christ, perfection, comes we will be made perfect!! My throat is getting all tight and my eyes are clouding up just thinking about it!! All of the goodness that we know of Christ right now will be personified to the umpteenth degree when he comes again to reveal his glory. All the questions we have will be made clear!

The whole time I was trying to prepare my speech I was thinking of how my college speech prof and mentor, Mrs. Strickland would react to my lack of prep and commitment. I had a speech(Communications) minor in college. This was what I was always really good at. I realized that those abilities that I was so proud of, well, first of all, they were a gift from the Lord, and second, with out the blessing of the Lord they are useless!! That is why I was struggling! I wanted all of those women to hear me speak and be in awe of...well, ME! I wanted them to want to know ME as a result of my presentation. And until I surrendered that desire and wanted those ladies to see and hear from my Lord through my presentation I had nothing! As soon as I gave it over and said, "Enough, Lord. If I go up there and look like a fool that has never spoken in front of a group then so be it! I want you to be glorified, NOT Kelli." Then and only then was I able to truly share my heart. And I believe that those ladies did get to see an accurate picture of who I am. I was able to make myself vulnerable to them in the most intimate way, I shared the heart of my Savior with them. I don't remember if I followed all of the rules for public speaking, or if I said "UMmm.." or "Like" and I just barely made it in my time limit BUT, I was able to give up my desire for earthly recognition for the moment. And the best part is that the Word of God was honored and He blessed MY heart. I learned a valuable lesson about sharing the Word. It's God's word, not mine!!
"To God be the glory great things he hath done, So loved he the world that he gave us His Son, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Let the Earth hear his voice,
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Let the people rejoice.
Oh, come to the Father through Jesus the Son, Great things he hath taught us, great things he hath done."

PRESENTATIONS #*%!!#@%*

I have a presentation tonight for my Minister's Wives class and it has really bee frustrating to me! This is what I am supposed to be good at and I can't figure out what to share!! I feel like such a loser! The truth is that there is so much that I could share I am having a hard time fitting anything into 5 mins.! The presentation is pretty unstructured. Mrs. Dr. Patterson just wants us to get some practice speaking in front of everyone. This is supposed to be my thing!! And I have been unable to commit to a topic. I am going to take the easy way out and just share one of my posts from this blog. For me, this blog is a ministry. It is a ministry to my family. I got tired of feeling like they didn't me. SO...what better way to let your family really know you than to share your thoughts more concistently than a phone call every week? It has become so much more than just a collection of pictures and events for me. This blog is where I work out what God is teaching me and make myself vulnerable to others about what God is teaching me. Now how do I share that in 5 minutes? Oh, well, I have got to get back to the archives and find a post to share!

Happy Birthday, FaithLyn!

Today we went to get FL's hair cut. She wanted it short like Elise's. Then we all went to the Museum to play and picked up Dan for lunch at Mickey D's. What a fun day! (The little girl between FL and Elise is Katelyn. She stays with us during the day.)
This is going to be one of those really cliche things to say but. . . I can not believe that only four years ago we were introduced to FaithLyn for the first time. I can not believe she is growing up so fast. I remember when she was born she looked around the room very calmly. She turned her head and looked all around and then she reassured us with one little cry and went back to observing. She was amazing! She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. But every mother thinks her children are beautiful. It's one of God's most special gifts for moms. After nine months of carrying that child we better think they are cute!! I was so ready to get home and have her all to myself. That changed eventually and I learned how special good help, or ANY help for that matter, is.

FaithLyn, this message is for you someday. I hope that someday when I am not your bestest friend anymore you will find this and know how special you are to me. I am so thankful for how you are growing. You are so sweet and thoughtful. Just today you shared your birthday milkshake with everyone at the table. I love that you are friendly and good at including others in your fun world. To see your imagination taking bloom brings delight to my heart. I know that there will be years when you think I am less than tolerable so I am storing up these precious memories now so that they will last me through the dry spells. Believe it or not, you won't always want Mommy to tell you a "little Mommy story" before bedtime. So until then I will tell you as much as you want to know about Mommy when she was little.

I am so excited to go with you and get your very first Library Card. I remember my first Library card. It was my first taste of freedom! I was in charge of what I picked out to read. I hope this excitement will continue to grow into a full blown passion for literature. I hope your love of reading will overflow into a love of learning. My heart melts every time I see you experience something or learn something for the first time. That AH HAA! moment is priceless to me and I hope someday you have the opportunity to experience it yourself with your own children. There are so many things that I want for you. I want your life to blessed by the love of Christ. I want His joy to be the joy that radiates from your smile and everything you do. I want you to be protected from bad choices and mistakes because you are obedient to God's will for your life. But more than any of those things I want you taste and know that the Lord is good! To feel His presence and know His forgiveness. If I don't do anything else for you besides teach you of Christ's love then I have succeeded in this life on earth. There is nothing else worth living for. My prayer for you is that you realize His love and surrender to it at an early age. By surrender I mean I want you to give yourself to Him unashamedly, every part of you and every dream you ever had. Because I promise you that the Life He has for you is better than any you could imagine for yourself. Living in God's will does not insure ease or outward comforts and happiness. But God can give you a lifetime of peace, joy and love that no one else can ever give.
My darling daughter, I love you! You are jewel and a princess of the Most High King of Kings. Please, never forget that!!

Back to Real Life!

We are back and had a great time with my parents in New Mexico! My only regret? I forgot my power cords for all of my cameras!! So I got two pictures of the whole week! ARRGH!














We got to have a little family birthday party for FaithLyn. She had a great time! Nana and Papa got her some skates and a Cinderella doll. FUN! She opened the skates and said, "I have been wanting some skates for my birthday!" It was really cute and it made Nana and Papa's day!
We had a great time in Cloudcroft. The only big thing we did was go to the Alamogordo Zoo. Which can't really be qualified as a big thing. But the girls really had a good time. It rained just about every afternoon so we just took it easy and lazed around. I did most of the cooking to try and earn my keep but even then it was so relaxing! I didn't have to worry about laundry or cleaning or entertaining anyone. It was beautiful! Memaw Cumbie ( sitting on the couch in the R pic) gave the girls some spending money for the trip so we went out one afternoon in a downpour to spend it. We took them to get ice cream. They felt very big buying their own treats. They also go to buy some M&M's. They also got to watch LOTS of TV. I am sure I will be paying for that this week! But what else is there to do on the top of a mountain in the rain? The rain and cool weather was much desired change for us though.
Now it's back to the normal schedule and normal life. Being away from Dan was the hardest it has ever been for me. He let me know just how much of a difference we make for him. It was really nice to feel needed. I am so glad that he didn't do better with us gone! I was a little worried that we might have become another responsibility. But I should have known better than that! Dan is the best and he truly does live out the love of Christ for us. Being away gave me two things, 1. It gave me a much needed break from the rat race. 2. It gave me a new found desire to do everything possible to make life easier, better and more fun for Dan.
I love being a wife and mom. It is such an important job and I am so blessed that I get to make that my focus!

Off to New Mexico!

WooWHOO! I am off to spend the week with my parents! We are going this Sunday to spend a few days at Cloudcroft, NM. It's supposed to be in the mid60's and raining! Sounds perfect to me! Hope you all are having a good week and if you think of Dan give him a call and make sure he is surviving. When I am gone he eats PB&J or peanut butter crackers. That's going to be a lot of crackers!! But I am sure he will stay busy with work and class. I'll let you all know how it goes!

Minister's Wives Class

Last night was my second class to help me learn to be a minister's wife. I tell you, everything has been going against me liking this class, well, except for the free childcare! But last week, my kids weren't signed up for childcare and I wasn't signed up for the class. URGH! Do you know how long it takes to get three kids to three seperate classrooms and hand off bags and give instructions? But I persevered. I filled out ANOTHER childcare sheet and thought I would try again this week.

Last night they did have my kiddos signed up for childcare but my name was not on the list! URGH! So I filled out another registration sheet and this time I handed it to Dr. Stovall, the director of Women's Studies. SO next week if I am not on the list I am done! But, despite the loss of my registration I really enjoyed the class last night. The topic was Marriage. The speaker was dynamic and very, very, happy. SHe started off by giving a little background of the Trinity. God the Father, the Son, and The Holy Spirit. She outlined their unity and their diversity. Then she took Genesis 2 and outlined God's creation of marriage and what it was before sin. So we got a good look at what God intended marriage to be. She pointed out the seperate roles of Adam and Eve. It was really interesting. Some things I had heard before but most of this teaching was eye-opening to me! Don't get me wrong I understand the importance of submission but now I have a whole new appreciation for my role as a woman, submission and all!! I still may not always like it and I am sure my "desire will be for my husband, and he shall rule over me." Gen. 3:16 In other words, I will still want to be in charge but that doesn't change the fact that Dan is!

We talked about how Marriage is meant to portray the image of God. Man and woman both portray different characteristics of the trinity. We become one and compliment each other. SO when Jerry McGuire (Tom Cruise) said " You complete me," He was theologically sound! I wonder what he would say to that?!!

Anyway, I took really good notes so I would love to talk to with you about this! SHe also gave some insight into why God hates divorce and homosexuality. The whole three hours just flew by and I really enjoyed every minute of it!

I have a book to recommend if you are contemplating your role as a wife, The Excellent Wife. I can't remember the author and I can't find my copy but this book will knock your socks off! It was very challenging to me. I would recommend it for any wife, new or old, who is seeking God's best for your marriage, life or family.

More catch-up Pics!

Luke and Olivia were due one day apart. But Olivia decided to come a whole month early! We got to have a birthday party together anyway! Here we have Olivia and Luke in their birthday hats and playing with the birthday loot! FL and Elise loved it just as much as Luke and Olivia.


This was Luke's first taste of cake! I think he liked it! I can't tell you how fun it is to live close enough to family to get together for family events like this! Isn't he sweet!?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIMI!!!

Bill and Diana are spending this weekend with David and Ellen in DC. They are going to visit Aunt Judy tomorrow and see her new townhouse!! I also hear AUnt Judy just got a promotion!! Congrats! I am only a little jealous!! We miss you guys!! Hope you have fun and we wish so much that we could be there with you celebrating this special day!!!

WE LOVE YOU MIMI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

YIPEE for fast internet!

Dan and I have never been, well...normal. If you know us at all you know that. But for some reason we have fought the progression of technology in internet service. I am not fully sure what our thinking was but we have been dial-up users until today! We are now DSLers! WOOSTINKINWHO! In Pa we had dial-up because that was the only choice. In TX we have been frugal. We finally decided to put up the $3-4 extra for DSL. I can't imagine now what we were thinking. My only excuse is that we were living in ignorance. You can't miss what you have never known. Well we are fully educated now! SO, this blog will soon be up to speed with all of the bragdonclan pics that you have been missing. Here we have a few from our trip to FL (at Uncle Max and Aunt Patty's in the photos with the girls)and one of Olivia's B-day back in July. I am so excited !!! There may not be anyone out there who cares but I am really excited!! Yeah for fast internet and yeah for digital cameras!!

Oh and just an update. I did decide to babysit Katelyn. She fits right in with all of us girls. She is lots of fun and the girls love having her around. She is very polite and very obedient. For that I am a million times thankful! It has been an adjustment, one more to buckle into a car seat, one more lunch to fix. But some things are a lot easier, potty training is a lot easier for me to do for two than one, and I am certain there are other things but right now I am drawing a blank. I have committed for two months and at the end of the first 4 weeks I will reevaluate and let the Millers know. I am keeping an open mind and heart to God's direction. But we have already benefitted greatly from following God's will in this decision. I was forced to reevaluate my goals as a mom and get a better plan for accomplishing them. Once I get over the newness and we get more settled into a schedule I think we will really have a good time.

My class last Tuesday? Well, if nothing else I did take away one truth that I will share that makes it all worth it! This time in our life, here at Seminary, will be one of the hardest times for us as a family. But no matter how hard it gets, God has placed us here, and He won't leave us here alone to struggle through by ourselves! Sounds pretty elementary writing it out but on Tuesday night for me it was just what I needed to hear. Yes, it has been hard to adjust to less money, a smaller house, and less time with Dan, but I have grown in my Faith for God's provision SO MUCH!! I have learned a little better how much I can be stretched and succeed and how much I can be stretched and fail. I have made great progress in my relationship with the girls, and I have been forced to lean less on Dan and more on my Heavenly Father. So even though I am so tired that I cry pretty much anytime it is so worth it to be closer to the Lord. Even though it's harder than I have ever known before I am living a more fulfilled life than I ever thought possible. That, my friends, is what Jesus can do for you!

Can Anyone offer some Wisdom?

Ok, Blog friends and loved ones, I need your wisdom or at least your prayers. Friday morning our Sunday school teacher called to ask if I would consider watching their 2 yr old daughter during the day.

Now, here's a little background. Before we left PA I think I mentioned babysitting for extra income. I really put a lot of thought in to it and was preparing myself to help out financially from home. I felt like I would be able to help some seminary family for a very reduced price compared to most childcare and really help out our family financially. I decided how much we would ask to be paid, what we would require the parents to bring and how I would discipline. I was very thorough. By the time we left PA I had come to the conclusion that babysitting would be difficult. I have a gift for realizing pretty specifically and realisticly what things will be like. So I realized I don't want to add this hard thing on top of what I know will already be HARD! So, I told God that I was definitely willing to do this but I wanted to trust Him to provide for us. I felt that I could trust Him to let me know if I needed to help. So I said, "Lord, if this is your plan, make it happen, I will wait for you." I also prayed that we would not have to use up our savings money or go into debt in order to pay for Seminary. Dan's job is adequate to pay our monthly bills but we have nothing left over to pay for Seminary. That's fine because we have plenty of savings to pay for school.

We have navigated pretty well through several of the hard adjustments we have had to make like, less daddy time, and a tight budget. I am in the process of getting my schedule with the girls back to what I feel it should be. And right when I feel like I am getting things under control I get this phone call. SO WHAT DO I DO? I have been praying and thinking about this for the last 48-60 hrs! I wake up and think about it, I have dreamt about it, believe me this is constantly on my mind!!

My concerns, I know it will be really hard for the first two weeks or so. I do not want to sacrifice my family for a little financial stability. I really like being free to go and do what I want. I realize this would tie me down a little more. I love being able to go see my parents if I want to during the week. I haven't yet But I love the freedom to do that.

Now for the up-side. I think it would be a valid ministry to this family. The girls could benefit from the interaction. I think this little girl would benefit from the interaction. We could definitely use the money. This would encourage me to do the things I have felt convicted to do with my children and have been dragging my feet to get implemented into our schedule like, preschool time, craft time, consistent Mommy time for each of the girls.

IF this is God's prompting to go ahead and do this then I am all over it! But I know we could make it if I chose not to. The real dilema is: Is this God's leading?

Does anyone have any wisdom for me? Is there anyone out there who has done this before and has thought of something I haven't? Has the Lord given you a specific word for Me? IF the answer is yes to ANY of these questions please let me know. I want God's will for our family so badly! Anyone?

Today was Daddy Dan's first day of Seminary class! I was like a proud little mommy. Last night we got his leather briefcase(on loan from Career Kelli who has left the house for an undisclosed amount of time) all packed up and ready for class. Today's class was Contemporary Evangelism. Sounds pretty great.

On Tuesday evening we attended an Orientation event and I actually felt old!! I am not sure if I just felt unstylish or old, but probably both! There are a lot of students fresh out of college and not as many families as I thought I would see. But we had a good time meeting people and that scared, "Please, be my friend!" feeling didn't last too long.

Wednesday was the official Orientation day concluded by a family picnic and Church Fair. It was fabulous. Remember those days in college when all the churches fight for the new college students with lots of free stuff? Well, we hit the jackpot!! And this time having kids made us a hot commodity! Speaking of hot, We were outside for a total of 1 and 1/2 hours and I can not describe the heat we endured! It was sickening, that's the best I can do. I was hot the rest of the day no matter where I was! Gross!

We are starting to settle into a routine and unfortunately we are getting better at having Daddy around less. I am determined to need him less and still enjoy him more. I have a huge fear that I will become so competent with out Dan around that he will just be in my way when he is around. But God is going to use this time for His glory and we are excited to see where He is planning to take us during this time.

My class starts on Tuesday. Oh, did I forget to mention that I am taking a class, too? I will be taking Wife of the Equipping Minister with Dr. Dorothy Patterson. I will learn lots of interesting things like how to dress my husband, how to set the table for a formal dinner, how to entertain, and other really interesting topics that I will need to know as a minister's wife. OK, maybe my description of the course was a little to thick with sarcasm. Why did I sign up, then? Well, it's free with free childcare, and I might just learn something! I really am excited about it and it will be a good chance to meet other wives and Moms. I am trying to take every opportunity I can while we are here and let's just face it, I love SCHOOL! I know I am a nerd, and a brown noser! I can't help it, it's in my blood and I am tired of pretending!! They have a certificate program that they offer for Seminary Wives. The idea is that the husband is being equipped to minister but the wife often gets left behind and out of the education process causing a rift in the relationship and ministry. I am willing to give it a try and excited to have a chance to do something for myself during this time. But, it may just be something that takes up another night of my week and causes more damage than good. So I am willing to try but willing to let go if it isn't beneficial. I'll keep you updated on my progress as an Equipped wife of a Minister.

Life in the Fast Lane

Ok, Sorry. Life has somehow swallowed me up and just living each day has been more than enough to keep me busy.
Our vacation to Pensacola Beach was FABULOUS!! It was the most relaxing and wonderful week we have had as a family. Thank You Uncle Max and Aunt Patty!! What a wonderful visit we had and a great time to refocus and reenergize before our life gets crazy busy. We had a wonderful time just hanging out at the beach. Aunt Patty and Uncle Max are living at the beach right now and the house was just a short stroll to the beach. We spent most mornings on the shore. The girls loved playing in the sand and looking for sea shells. Dan and Aunt Patty found lots of really great shells. One afternoon we got to take FaithLyn and Elise to the movies. We had a blast. We went all out, we got popcorn, twizzlers, and an icee!! WOWEE! Then, thanks to Uncle Max's generosity and Aunt Patty's gracious offer to watch the girls Dan and I got to have a romantic dinner together. We ate out and walked on the beach and just talked. It was great!! We got plenty of sleep and rest and it was just perfect!! A dream come true, really. Then we got to spend the weekend with MiMi and PopPop in Jackson, Mississippi. We had fun swimming in the hotel pool, and we visited the Museum of Natural History. Fun stuff!! The girls loved it!!

Dan started his job the day after we returned and jumped right into it! This week was very taxing for him. New jobs are always stressful no matter what kind of job it is and this week was no exception for Dan. He registered for classes and is currently enrolled for 12 hours!! Yikes!!?? Then took a train to the American Airline Center for a Promise Keepers Conference.

The girls and I were busy making cake and getting the house ready for Olivia and Luke's birthday party. But first I took a holiday with Erin. We took the kids to the Museum in Downtown Fort Worth and hopped over to visit Dan at work. Did I mention that his Community Center, Thomas Place is in the Cultural District? Saturday we did a quick cleanup and waited for Nana and Papa to show up and then Aunt Angie, Uncle Brett and cousin Luke! What a fun day Saturday was!! I wish so much that I could figure out this new connection!! It is preventing me from sharing pictures and we have so many cute ones to show!! I will try to get them all on Yahoo! or somewhere so I can share them. Sunday we joined a church!! Tate Springs Baptist Church is our new church family. We are so excited to get involved! They have a children's choir that starts for 3 yr olds!! FaithLyn will love that!! And I am really looking forward to getting involved in the MOPS group! That's just an quick update. You should all be current on the comings and goings here at the B Casa.

God Is SOOOO GOOD!!

Oh, man, do I have a story to tell you!! It's just too bad that I don't have time to fill you in on all the details!! In short, Dan has a job!! He came home Friday with a job!! AND THE BEST PART, we still get to go on vacation! WOOHOO! We just got back from Bonham, TX where Dan did great job leading the service this morning. IT was so fun to spend some time with our dear friends Adam and Mandy. Olivia had her first birthday!! What a great weekend and we are leaving at 5 tomorrow morning for the sunny beaches of Florida!

OK, so here's a little bit of the amazing story of how God provided for us! Dan interviewed for this job a few weeks ago and didn't get it. We were heartbroken, I thought he would be perfect for it. His boss at Day camp actually got the job instead. Then Dan felt strongly convicted to turn the job search over to the Lord for the next week. No searching, no fretting, no job search with the promise of God's provision at the end of this Job fast. Dan's faithfulness to God's plan for him blessed us all and we had a really great week!! It wasn't hard and we were blessed in so many ways!! I saw the Lord's compassion continually as He answered the desires and requests of my heart. Then on Thursday Dan was asked to take over his Day camp because a leader quit in one of the other community centers and Dan's boss, Katie took over there and Dan took Katie's spot. He was able to step in and finish up well. On Friday, Dan was offered a position as a programmer at a community center. It is a job that Dan applied for but didn't even get an interview for! They offered the job to four other people and they all turned it down. They automatically thought of Dan and He starts one week from tomorrow!!! It is the job that Dan had been hoping for. It is temporary with the possibility of becoming a permenant postion with full health benefits. We are still looking for a ministry position but open to the Lord leading us to this position full time. It is so awesome!! Dan didn't have to do a thing to get this job except trust the Lord and wait for HIM to work it out. Well, and he did a great job at work and everyone loves him but that's just Dan! Thanks for praying for us and please continue to pray that the Lord will direct our every move. And whether that includes full-time ministry or if this current job is to become Dan's ministry, because believe me it is ripe for the Lord's moving! I have to finish up the frantic packing for our unexpected impromtu vacation!!

Fun Times!

Man, oh man!! Let the good times roll!! We have so much going on around here I am not sure I can remember it all!! Today, the girls and I are going to the Library this afternoon to meet Clifford the Big Red Dog!! We are so excited!! We love Clifford!! That will be our next photo on the blog. Hopefully I will get it posted before we leave. LEAVE? you ask? Yes, we are leaving tomorrow for Bonham, TX. I know it is so exciting! Our friends Adam and Mandy pastor Calvary Baptist Church in Bonham, TX. Adam has asked Dan to preach on Sunday so Adam, Mandy, and Jonah can take a "personal retreat". I know it is much needed!! They do so much and I am so glad it is them and not us! Then on Monday we are leaving for Pensacola Beach, FL!! Dan's Aunt Patty and Uncle Max are staying in a beach house there while their house in Gulf Breeze is being repaired from a nasty fire last year. WOOHOO!! We are staying there until Friday and then we are going to visit Bill and Diana for the weekend. Who would have thought we would get to take a vacation!? We don't even have a job!! But God is so good and He, in his gracious care for us, has provided a trip for us to visit loved ones!!

Oh, and Olivia's first birthday is Saturday!! We are going to celebrate with Adam, Mandy and Jonah. How fun!! I don't think I mentioned that Olivia got her bangs cut the other day. She is looking very grown up these days!! Fun times!!

Breaking the Silence

I have been silent for a while. I have tried to post several times and my heart just hasn't been it. I don't have much to say. Or the truth is, I don't like what I have to say. The thoughts that keep running through my head and heart are less than ideal and I have to admit I am a bit embarrassed to share them but since that was the whole point of this blog. . .HERE WE GO.

My new theme verses for this summer, or how ever long it takes me to move past this, is Psalm 23. Right now I am stuck on verse 1. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." You see, when we first moved here the first three sermons we heard were on this Psalm. The first two times I took great comfort in this thinking God was reassuring me that my needs will be met and I will not want for anything. The third time I heard it I realized that I will not want doesn't just mean that my needs will be met but that I will be content with what the Lord provides. Do any of you remember being taught by your parents the difference between wants and needs? I am often emphasizing the difference for my three year old daughter. Well, right now, God is doing the same for me. Darn if I don't want to be the one telling him what I need right now.

Don't get me wrong, ALL of our needs and then even some of our wants have been faithfully met by our good Shepherd. He has even used some of you to meet those needs and wants. But I have some ideals about the kind of life I want to live that are having to die a slow death. The only real problem here is that I have not been informed of God's plan for us. I don't like to be left out of the planning stage! SO I am just sitting here waiting to be told what to do. OK, I can wait, but I am a little sad at the attitude I have adopted during this time of waiting. I have been learning a lot about myself. And frankly, I could have done with out some of the pictures I have seen into my heart! It is full of pride! I think a lot more highly of myself than I should. I am not quite as capable as I thought and dadgumit I don't know how to not let the stress affect my family. For about the last two weeks I haven't been very pleasant to be around. I have tried to blame my crossness on various things but when it comes down to it I just don't want this transition to be hard and IT IS! I am at the point of facing my total lack of drive and ambition. My goal every morning is to just make it through another day. I am in survival mode. But the question is, what am I trying to survive? Life? The fact that God has called me to a life that is different from my ideal? GOOD GRIEF, WOMAN!! GET A GRIP!!

God is teaching me something and unfortunately He is in the process of peeling the ugly hard layers back from my sick diseased heart. He just wants to make it healthy again. I want that with every part of me but does it have to hurt so bad? So right now, I am at a crossroads. Do I really want God's best for my life or will I settle for an easier road because I don't want to make the sacrifices needed to get to the blessings God has for me? You know I settle for less than God's best for me in a million different ways everyday. I pick the easier thing or the quick fix to boost my mood rather than cure the disease where it is growing. But right now, I want you all to know that I am choosing God's best for my life and for my family. Even though I can't see how this is all going to turn out, even though Dan doesn't have a job yet, even though I feel like this doesn't make sense I am choosing to give up this view of life that says it should be easy to follow God and if you do everything will turn out better than before. Because that verse, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." it doesn't mean I will always know where I am being led, or that I will always see the next step. It only means that I am content in the knowledge that I have a God who can see and does know and He wants good for me, not harm. He knows what I need and He will make sure I get it. And not just me, this good shepherd welcomes all in and has more than enough resources to care for us all. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Be content in His provision and rest.

Rest.

This would be a good time to move on to the next verse, "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." Psalm 23:2

Mi Casa es Su Casa!

Ok, Here is the first installment of pictures of our cozy new home. Hope you willcome see us soon!

Pool Time

We finally found a pool! What fun the girls have had in it!! We have gotten lots of use out of it already. This last weekend we had some friends over and played in it. Dan, of course, thought to bring the little slide over so we have quite a set up now. And let me tell you we love it!! You don't get the full affect of the frog pool but believe me it is cool! It has a place to screw in the water hose for a spinkler but we are going to have to ease Elise into that one. She will go head first on her back down the slide into the water but she freaks out when I hook up the sprinkler! Go figure! Everyone has their limits.

I had other pictures that showed more of our backyard but it rained and it is getting quite overgrown so until we get that under control this will have to do. And as for those house pics, well, we have been here long enough that I am going to have to clean first. But I am going right now to take a picture of our very clean and organized garage!! Yeah for Dan!! He is and always will be my hero!

Waiting for the X-Terminator

I have to make it quick. A.) Because Little House on the Prairie comes on in 15 min. B.) I am waiting for the bug man to come and spray the house for roaches. Both events make me cry but one is a good cry and the other is not. I'll let you decide which is which.

Roaches are what Satan uses in my life to break me! We have a long history. I even wrote a poem about the nasty little creatures. It was quite a healing experience. Anyway, I woke up yesterday and walked into my livingroom and there he was! Three inches of nasty evilness on my wall between the TV cabinet and the curtains. You may be thinking, Kelli, it's only a bug!! And you are so right! I feel the same way or I did until last night I went out into the garage to get a screwdriver, I was putting together a bookcase, and there to my overwhelming disgust was a whole group (ok, only 3 or 4) of roaches crawling all over an empty box right next to the tool case!! Coincidence? It could be, but I think not! Dan came to my rescue and killed one or two with the hammer. Believe me they were DEAD!! I was able to recover my senses enough to sleep soundly but I did have to go and check on the girls before I went to bed. While I was there a sincere prayer slipped from mind to the Creator, "Lord, please keep those nasty things off my girls!"

I am so thankful that I live in a place where we can just call the housing office and they say, "Sure, we will have someone over on Friday sometime after noon." I just have to tell you, I am learning that I serve a God who is Master over all creatures! These roaches, they will not have the victory!! They will not beat me and I know for a fact that they will not beat my Lord and Savior!! He is the King, even over roaches!

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a date with the Ingalls family.

The Garage

I am a really good starter. I can get things going like nobody else. I have the vision, the drive, the motivation, the know-how to get things moving in the right direction. BUT, once things start going well I usually lose my motivation. I have this house in great running order! But PLEASE, PLEASE, don't look in my garage or in my back yard!! I hate, I mean really dislike, putting things away. Anything, laundry, dishes, anything, I hate to put things away. I can clean, I can keep things picked up, but if things get really messy it is like pulling teeth for me to get the motivation to put things away. So you can image what laundry day is like at my house; the clean clothes are lying everywhere in piles, or neatly folded and stacked on the couch or the floor.

In order to get my house livable, I put everything I didn't need right away in the garage. SO my garage is a bit of a mess. Today, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I am not sure who elses hands these matters have been in but now it's all me! The girls were getting a little stir crazy from being inside for the last 3 or 4 days so I decided we would spend the morning outside while I worked on the garage. The girls played and whined, and played and cried, and went in and out and back and forth and well the bottome line is, Things have to get worse before they can get better. I got the stupid flimsy shelves I biught for the garage put together and two hours later VIOLA! The garage is still a mess but we have some cheap, flimsy aluminum shelves!!

When we moved here I was a little disappointed that my washer/dryer hook-up were in the garage. I say a little because I was so happy to have them at all!! But I have totally changed my mind about that!! It is genius! I can do laundry all day and the house never gets any hotter and no one sees my mess!! I LOVE IT!!!

There are lots of things I love about our little house. It is MUCH smaller than our WSS dream house but it is nice, well kept, quicker to clean, and big enough for all of us! It is quickly growing on me. It feels like home and I like it. I promise to have some pictures for you soon but I have to finish the garage first. This time I am determined to be a good finisher!! OK, it may not be soon but eventually I will post some pics for you all. Or, you could just come and see for yourselves!

It just occured to me, most Seminary housing doesn't even have garages!! What would I have done then?? Thank You, Lord!!! for garages, cute houses, new beginnings, and your faithful care!!

Back in Business!

Well, my body was in denial for a few days but, Man, IS IT HOT here in the great state of Tejas! I know I am quickly adjusting because today I got excited when it felt cool at 92 degrees! We are moved in and settling down for the long haul.

Olivia is still not crawling but she manages to scoot around somehow. I am not sure how she does it but she got herself under the coffee table the other day!

Anyway we were so blessed by the outpouring of love and support during this move. We ahd so much help on the PA end and just as much help on TX end. We are so thankful for our friends, here and there.

Dan has started his job and it's pretty fun to have him home at 3:30 in the afternoon. We are having our first weekend together this weekend and I could get used to this. But we sure do miss our family at White Sulphur Springs!! Things are just getting started there!! The first week of family camp started yesterday! We are praying for you all WSS!! The girls miss everyone a lot!! But we are meeting lots of new friends so they haven't asked to go back yet, but I am sure that will happen soon. It all still feels like a vacation to the girls. They are doing really great. Olivia did so good during the trip. By the last day I was a little less compassionate and tolerant of her brainnumbing mind altering screeches. But we made it and my brain cells are back to full functioning power.

Keep praying for a full time ministry position for Dan. We are trying to keep our hearts open to where God leads. But it would be really good to have a postion by the time his classes start. God has been so good and He has provided in so many ways!! Thank You all for your prayers and help.

Kentucky Here We Come!

Our truck packed, with room to spare! We are spending the night two whole states away from where we started. Our friends were so amazing!! Dan had everything out in the garage ready to load in the Uhaul so it was all done with by noon!! When I got back from town with the pizza everyone was sitting around waiting. I didn't have to do anything this morning!! My house got cleaned yesterday and today the floors got steamed and it looked great!! I didn't deserve anything like this but I am so thankful for the love and kindness of friends!! It was so hard to leave my Pennsylvania family. I am so glad that from now on we will be saying hello instead of goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I am definitely a see you soon kind of girl!! So, I'll see you soon!!! Oh, and Adam and Mandy, we may see you a little sooner than we planned!!

Moving Craziness!!

You might think that we wouldn't have any exciting news right now but what can I say? A life following Christ is always exciting!! Wednesday morning Dan had a phone interview for a job. Anyone from HSU remember Shane Mize? He was one of our neighbors and friend in married housing at Hardin-Simmons. He was doing the interview!?! The job? Well, we will let you know. I do know that we found out Dan can have the job if he passes the background check and drug test. Hmm. . .Do you think that a steriod given for Poison Ivy would mess up that drug test? Well, we will find out won't we!? YES, He has a really serious, really painful, really itchy case of Poison Ivy! Perfect timing! He was able to go to the doctor yesterday and get some pills. So he won't have that excuse to get out of packing!! Anyway, after he got back from the doctor he spent several hours filling out paperwork for the job. He had to get it in the mail before the post office closed for the day. He made it but soon after he got home from the post office he got a call informing him that some of those papers needed to be faxed not mailed. Oops! To late! Our friends Heather and Steve Able, Micah, their son and Heather's parents came by for one last visit. So we had a good visit and Heather's parents treated us all to a last meal at our favorite fine dining resturaunt The Jean Bonnet. This morning Dan left with FaithLyn and Elise to Harrisburg, PA. That was the closest place that Dan could have his drug test done. It is now almost 4 and he isn't back yet.
Oh and did I mention that our van, the van that Diana is driving with FaithLyn, Elise and Aunt Judy to Texas is in the shop? Yes, the power steering unit thing was completely corroded and leaking. Not a good thing. But, our God is even the God of van repairs!! Art's Automotive is working on hard on getting the van fixed. Diana may be leaving a little later than she planned. Sorry Diana, but aren't you so glad that it got caught before you ended up stranded in Tennessee?
I think that this move is going to happen. God is definitely in control of all of these details and set backs. There have been lots of great things happening as well. For instance, Diana and Judy are arriving tonight, YIPPEE! Dan was able to get all of the stuff done for this job!! Thank You, Lord!! Dan has a job!! We have lots of great friends that are helping us on this end of the move, Rob and Chandra have helped entertain the girls and Katie has helped with the packing. We have lots of great friends that are going to help us on the Fort Worth end of our move!! We have lots of friends and family that are lifting us up to the Lord in prayer!! All things considered I can't imagine a better couple of days. More craziness later!!

My Little Packer

I have some pretty good help packing. It is coming along pretty slowly and most of the stuff ends up with drool all over it but we have a good time. It may be a while before you hear from me again. We would covet your prayers during this craziness. Diana arrives on Friday to take the girls. Pray for her as well. FaithLyn is REALLY excited and Elise is a little nervous. Hope all are enjoying the summer!! Can't wait!!

Still Not Packing!

Only 10 days to go until our pack out date and not ONE box has been packed. What's wrong with me? I can't even clean my house. Part of me keeps saying, "Who cares!" Then the other part of me is screaming, "HELLO! Do know what today is? Are you ever going to clean that bathroom?" The one thing I am really ashamed of is the fact that Dan has been working so hard to finish things up well at the office and I can't even get the bathroom cleaned! He is so worn out from getting everything in order and then coming home and looking for jobs on the internet or contacting people. He has really been diligent about being ready to go. I wish I could say the same thing. I am really excited about being in Fort Worth, I just don't want to have to do the work to get us there. So I am at the hotel helping when I am not needed instead of cleaning my house or cleaning out drawers and packing boxes!!

I have done all the work to make sure things will be ready for us in Fort Worth. We will have electricity, water, and a phone. I am able to think about that part of the move but my brain has some kind of disconnect when it comes to actually getting ready to leave here. I am sure that there is some deep seeded emotional reason that this is going on. It couldn't just be me being lazy. Could it?

You would think that with only two weeks to get ready to move things would hopping around here but it's just life as usual. . .sort of. Olivia is loving eating on her own!! She has five really sharp teeth and she chomps on everthing!! This afternoon I gave her a couple of arrowroot cookies and she was so happy!! She still has a hard time with controling her saliva but, hey! One thing at a time. It's a shame you can't see her teeth behind all that mashed up cookie and drool! She has a really adorable gap! I think she just keeps getting cuter! I am a little partial, though.

The girls got their "Texas" haircuts today. It was really hard for me to have FaithLyn's hair cut! It was so long and cute but I think it will be a lot healthier now. She only agreed to have it cut when I told her we probably wouldn't be able to put in ponytails anymore. Hmmm. . . We didn't get it cut quite that short but Elise's is pretty short. They look so different but still our cute little girls. I think shorter hair will help the girls adapt to the heat in Texas a little more quickly. You may think that is crazy but it has been in the 50's for the last 3 weeks !! It got up to 70 today (in the sun) and we all ran outside to catch a little of the heat. We still have the heater on in the house! My whole body is going to go into shock!! I am sure the girls won't even notice a difference. Here's to another day of not packing!!

Great News!!

First, I want to share the great praise I was alluding to a couple of days ago. My sister-in-law Ellen is PREGNANT!!! WHOO HOO!! Praise God! Since it's not really my news to share I had to wait until she posted her news first. We have been praying for God to bless Ellen with a baby since FaithLyn was born. With every baby I had it made our relationship a little harder. It was so hard to see Ellen hurting and not have any clue how to help her other than pray. I went from trying to hard to help to backing off to much. I have to admit I could in no way even begin to understand what she was going through. It was so hard to see her hurt and know that my joy in motherhood caused her pain. Not because she didn't love my kids, Aunt Ellen is a really wonderful Aunt and the girls love her! It just hurt because they were a reminder of what she so desperately wanted. It was bittersweet for her and for me as well.

Over Thanksgiving Ellen miscarried while she was here visiting. It was so painful, but God gave me a renewed passion for praying for my dear sister and so somehow, I feel so connected to David and Ellen in their joy. I have no right and I am not at all claiming any of God's praise or deserved glory. But prayer connects you to people, even if they don't feel that connection. This pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle and you should go check out her blog at www.dabragdonfamily.blogspot.com. I don't want to steal her thunder but I know some of you know of their struggle with infertility and I hope you will be blessed by their testimony.
Congratulations David and Ellen!! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! God, Your goodness takes my breath away!!

My next good news will pale in comparison but it good to me! The Yard Sale is tomorrow and Dan just loaded up all our stuff and took it to the place where our community yard sale will be. Free at Last! Free at Last!! Thank God Almighty I am Free at Last! My dear friends Katie and Shelly helped last night to get everything priced. A job that would have taken me all day and night was done in about an hour and a half! Thanks Katie and Shelly!! You gals are the BEST! I just have to finish up a few more projects around the house and then it will be time to start packing!! Can you believe that in three weeks we will be in Texas!! I am getting very excited. . . for this whole thing to be OVER!! I am a wreck! I cry about everything, FaithLyn has wet the bed 4 nights out of 6! Last night I just got mad at her when she came in my room at 4 in the morning! If she could come get me why couldn't she make it to the bathroom??? I came back to my senses and realized, with Dan's help, that the girls are probably feeling my stress and it effects them too.
Even though I realize this I am still crabby and weepy. It feels a lot like being pregnant and it is almost as tiring and stressful as delivery. But when I am done with this move I get to sleep at night and my body will be automatically back to normal. Sorry Erin and Mandy and Ellen, it won't be so easy for you, but it will be MUCH more rewarding.
Erin Gerlt called yesterday mid-breakdown. It was a Godsend. Thank You Erin, for hearing me out. I am not sure I was making much sense but I sure felt better after you called. For a few minutes anyway! I usually work best under stress but this is too much for me!! I am an emotional wreck! Yes, even more than usual. But in my weakness, God is strong. I am counting on that!!

The Bunk Bed

The girls got Bunk Beds!! They love them and I have been promising a picture for a while. Here they are. We have already played fort and gotten in trouble more times than I can count. Elise is having a hard time following the rules, but what else is new? FaithLyn fell off the top bunk one of the first nights but only because we had to leave some of the side panels off because they were broken. They have since been replaced and she is much more careful while she is NOT going to sleep at night like she should. Elise often gets lost in her huge bed and we have had a few really scary middle-of-the-night episodes thanks to a lost "snuggle bunny". Elise's snuggle bunny is her beloved sleep prop. It was touch and go there for a while but thankfully we were able to pull snuggle bunny from the depths of the bed. I am so glad that the girls like to play on the bunk beds because it may take up all of the room in the girls bedroom! Oh well, they sure are cute aren't they?

My Provider, My God

I just realized how corny the title for my last post was!! SORRY! I could make lots of excuses but the truth is. . . I am a little corny and I am tired of pretending. Confession is SOO good for the soul!! ANYWAY. . .My real reason for posting is SOOO much more EXCITING!!

I haven't shared much about this because it isn't my story to tell and because of that I am going to have to be really obscure until this loved one leaks the news herself. All I can say is that our God is the God of MIRACLES!! I can't wait to share with you the details of this miracle because it is SOO cool! Let's just say Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!

Oh and one more answer to prayer. Dan and I have always been a one car family. It has always worked out for us. Well, we had two cars for a while and then I smashed our little red car into a tree trying to drive up our steep icy driveway. That was about one year that we had two cars so it doesn't really count, does it? But, we realized that in Fort Worth one car just might not cut it. Especially if Dan gets a job that is more than four blocks away, which is very likely. I also realized that if we only have one car then I can't go visit my parents and sister when ever I want. What good is it to be in the same state with family if you can't visit? So Dan and I started talking about it and we decided to think about another vehicle. We both felt led to wait and pray for God to provide. Well Dan's brother David and his wife Ellen are moving to D.C. for a year. David is going to clerk for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas for a year. VERY COOL!Well they have two cars and only need one for the year. They offered to let us use their car while they are in Washington D.C. God is so good!! We had thought about a motorcycle since they are more fuel efficient but I was secretly praying that God would provide something else. And He did!! I am not shocked or even surprized that God has provided for our needs, I am just so thankful that He is providing for the desires of my heart. God is so Good!!

The Muddled Musings of a Moving Momma

Sorry I have been so silent. I have so much to process right now and frankly, I am a mess. Life is happening each day and most of our everyday chores get done. But my head is so full of things that need to happen and things that I can't yet take care of that I just can't even think. Here is the update. This weekend we have our community wide yard sale. Then about 2 weeks to pack things up. We have a few leads on job opportunities. There are a couple of ministry positions we could really get excited about. We are trying to gaurd our hearts until the Lord leads more definitely. We are hoping to serve in church ministry. You can keep your eyes and ears open for us if you like. We would like to serve in Youth, College, Singles, Children, Family, or as an Associate Pastor. We really don't know what God has in store for us but we are patiently seeking. This search has been much more hopeful than our last job search. Which only means we have actually heard from some of the places we have applied.

I have no doubt in my mind that God has a perfect job for Dan. We feel like working in a church while we are going through Seminary would be valuable to us. We want a place to work out the head knowledge and make it heart knowledge immediately. You may not all agree with us but it just seems to make sense to us. Dan has to work, we love ministry, we minister together well as a family, we can get paid to do this and we love it. It just seems to fit. But we realize that God may have different plans for us and that is exciting too. I have been seriously exploring the option of taking care of some kids to help supplement our income. I can take in up to 3 kids besides my own and not have to go through all the red tape. I am trying to be realistic about this and it isn't my ideal situation but it gives us some options. This is pretty far down on the list. I don't want to do something that will be detrimental to my own children just for the sake of a few more dollars.

I have to admit, the stress is getting to me. I am not scared about moving to Fort Worth, I am not worried that things won't work out or we won't be taken care of. I am just stressed out about the actual move. I think the most frustrating thing is that I just keep thinking about all the things I need to do but I can't really do them yet. SO I keep making lists and crunching numbers and trying to think things through. On the up side, the last time we moved I was way more scared!! It seems funny that last time it was just Dan and I and FaithLyn was on the way. We were living with Dan's parents and had absolutely NO job leads. God took such good care of us but for a while there I was scared out of my mind!! This time, we have three beautiful little girls we are responsible for and I am not worried in the least! God has proven himself faithful and I am so excited to see how He will take care of us this time.

Some people have a hard time understanding how Dan and I do things. We must seem very irresponsible to most people. Every BIG decision we have made up to now has been crazy in the world's eyes. But one of the things that I fell in love with about Dan 8 years ago is his unshakable faith and trust in the Lord.

So those are my thoughts. I am excited, nervous, emotional, tired, hopeful, sad, uncertain, and sure all at the same time. If you are in Texas, we can't wait to get there and spend time with you. If you are here with us at WSS, well, my heart hurts to think about not being a part of your life anymore. It is hard to understand how all of these emotions fit together but they do, perfectly. Right now I live among people who have made moving an art! I have a lot to learn and I am making some progress but I have a long way to go.

Our New Home

I said that I would post a picture of the house we will be moving to and today is that day! I am only posting a close shot of the house because I don't want my parents or Dan's parents to worry when they see the neighborhood! It's not really that bad but they will see it soon enough!
And Erin, as far as the barrio goes. . . YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET! My friend Erin Gerlt posted on her blog about living in the Barrio. You should look at her blog and rad the comments for the entry "So it's no Secret..." http://gerlthouse.blogspot.com/ A friend of hers commented on some standards for a neighborhood to be considered the Barrio. Well, let me just say we will be residing in THE BARRIO!! I am really looking forward to starting our life there no matter what the neighborhood is like. It can't be much worse than where we lived in Abilene. Technically it could but we won't dwell on that thought.
*The baby in the picture is Hudson Taylor Clayman.*
This house is even better than we thought!! Christopher forgot to mention that the kitchen has a dishwasher!! Praise The LORD!! It doesn't take much to make me giddy but any Mom of small children with a husband would join in my song of joy for a dishwasher! The bedrooms are pretty small but I am just so thankful to have three! The livingroom is . . . small. But we will take it! And a garage!! I never even thought to dream of a garage! I have started to decorate the rooms and fill all of the closets and storage space already. I am sure you women can relate. The house is our domain, and darn it if we just can 't help ourselves!!

Oh and by the way. . . Chris and Nichole and their son, Hudson Taylor Clayman are leaving this month to start West African Outreach/New York City. They will be moving to Harlem the middle of this month and if you would like to help with prayer or support or just contact Chris before or during their move let me know and I can give you his email or phone number. I think he would kill me if I put his personal info here for the whole cyber world! I am really excited about what they are doing. If you know anything about Chris and Nichole you know that they have a great passion to minister to West Africans. And more specifically natives of Mali. Chris did some missionary work in Mali a few years ago and some health concerns have kept him from returning overseas. It has been so amazing to see how God has directed Chris and Nichole to this ministry despite all the seemingly large roadblocks that kept popping up along the way. It just goes to show you that God is more powerful than any circumstances and sometimes He even uses hard things to take us where He wants us! Please pray for them as they serve God in this exciting next step!
They have to raise their own support and I know that my God owns the cattle on a thousand hills but we are often called to be His hands and feet!!

You Don't Have to Clear Out Your Guestroom!

HOORAY! We have recieved our housing assignment for Seminary. Those of you who offered to let us live with you thank you, but you are off the hook. Chris Clayman, our soon to graduate Seminary attending friend, has offered to go and take pictures for us, inside and out! SO we will all know what we are getting in to soon enough. I will post more about this blessing when I know more. For now just know that God is so good!! He knows the desires of our hearts and He is so GOOD! OK, I'll tell you a little.

It's a three bedroom, 1 & 1/2 bath house. It has a back yard, a garage AND, now this is the big one, washer/dryer hook-ups!! I have been preparing myself for coin laundry so this is such a huge blessing!! That's only the tip of my enthusiasm, I'll spill more enthusiasm later!!

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

OH MY GOODNESS! I have been so busy with all three girls that I haven't even had time to want Olivia to grow up. I like her being dependant on me because that means she only goes where I take her. Do you see what she did tonight? She isn't crawling yet, but it won't take long! Do you see that look in her eyes? It's all over for me! Trouble is about to start crawling around my house!

How do I know she is trouble? Two reasons: 1. You can see it written all over her face. 2. She got up on her knees 3 times tonight. The first time she just did it. The next two times she did it because we asked her to and she liked the attention she got for performing.

SO take FaithLyn's eagerness to please and Elise's stubborn independance and you have our third child, Olivia. Lord, Help Us!

Discipline

I was reading Erin's blog and she was answering a friend's blog. I was very interested in the topic and it got me thinking. Erin's friend Jamie asked everyone to post about their understanding of discipline. I don't know how to make links so you'll have to go to GerltHouse to check out Erin's blog and Jamie's is Embracing My Lot. It's definitely worth a look up.

We get so many chances to hear so many Godly speakers here at WSS. This is just a breeding ground for spiritual growth. We get all the good parts of the Body of Christ and only a very few of the hard stuff. I was listening in on a lady's retreat one time and this was one of the stories the speaker told. She grew up Southern Baptist(Not a kick in the pants for Baptists just the story she told) and with that learned a deep reliance on discipline. When she didn't get a chance to have her quiet time she felt like she had failed God. She would beat herself up for failing and ruin her whole day. A close friend who happened to be some other demonination asked her, Don't you realize that God doesn't love you any less just because you didn't get in the Word today!? That story was an AHA!! moment for me. I have always known that God's love wasn't dependant on my actions but somewhere along the line I decided it made more sense to my human mind to only get as much love as I deserve. The only flaw in that theory is that I don't DESERVE any love. With out Christ I am nothing but a sinner. For so many years I have been either hot or cold in my disciplines. I am right on track with what I "should" be doing and then something happens to throw my schedule and I feel guilty and get burdened with guilt and just quit altogether because I don't want to merely "ACT" out of guilt. It is a vicious ridiculous cycle.

The last few years have given me a new perspective. I want with all my heart to WANT Christ more than anything else. I don't want to depend on a schedule or certain acts of obedience to love my Savior. That part of my is the reason I fight against schedules and routine. I want to love Him so much that I crave being in His presence. The reality is that I am a Wife and Mom. I am a Mom to a 3 yr. old, a 2 yr. old and a nursing 9 mo. old. That should indicate my great need for the Lord right there!! Once the girls get up our house is like a whirlwind until they are back in bed for the night. You see the key to discipline is desire. With out desire discipline is only rules. Rules aren't worth much if you don't understand why you are following them. Rules are pretty oppressive if they are just for the sake of having rules.

God has shown Dan and I some pretty unhealthy habits in our lives over the last few years. Out of a desire to eliminate the unhealthy patterns in our lives that seperate us from God we have set up some guidelines. Now remember, discipline with out desire is just rules and who needs more rules to follow anyway? But these guidelines are set up to help Dan and I have victory over the areas in our life that tend to hold us captive. These rules, guidelines, disciplines, what ever you call them are taking us one step closer to freedom and unity with our Lord. When we start to lose our desire for these standards we take a step back and reevaluate. Here is an example. I have a love-hate relationship with food. I love it and eat it for all the wrong reasons. I hate that I think about food all the time, what am I going to eat, what will be for dessert? I want to be free from this obsession with food because it affects so many other parts of my life. So, I am trying to limit my eating. One dessert a week, one Dr. Pepper a week, and smaller portions at meals, Healthy snacks. We went on vacation not long ago and we decided to go without the food restrictions for the week. The first few days I was shaky from too much sugar. But by the end of the week I was back to craving Dr. Pepper and sugary treats after every meal. When we got home life was crazy! There were other factors that added to the craziness but I felt like I was starting all over again with my eating issues. EXCEPT I knew where I had been and couldn't just jump right back to that place and I resented it! It was a slow start up process to get going again but when I did get going I was able to see despite the set back some of my new eating habits didn't change through the "off" period. SO even though I was starting over I wasn't starting from the same place. I have come to realize that those undisciplined times don't have to be desert times. They serve a purpose too. Now I am not saying just throw out all the disciplines and see how things go, but it is a cycle that leads us on a slow upward slope.

I used to look back on my time in college, pre-marriage, as my spritual mountain in life. But now I know that that high place was only a foot hill. And even though I don't have hours to study the word I have a maturity and knowledge of life that gives new depth to my relationship with the Lord. He is so Faithful!! Even when I don't make it a point to get up at 6 and read my chapters, He is still willing to meet with me. He comes to me!! WOW! To be pursued by the creator of the Universe while I am doing the umpteenth load of laundry, or picking up little tiny shoes for the tenth time, or trying to convince myself that McDonald's offers healthy choices for life, now that is humbling!

I think the most important thing I have learned about discipline is humilty. No matter what I do, it is still my God who pursues ME. And He will, no matter what I do. But I want to do what ever I can to be ready for Him. I want to be sensitive to the Spirit and be listening when He is ready to meet with me. If I am being "disciplined" for any other reason then it's all just rules!

Happy Easter!

How come the holidays that are supposed to mean the most, spiritually, that is, end up being the most frustrating? I already know the answer to that question. It is rhetorical.

The reason my blessed Easter morning went south is because of the expectations that I put on myself and my family. Every one is supposed to look nice on Easter morning so we got up and I fed Olivia while the girls looked at their goodies in their baskets. Thanks Nana and Mimi! Then we hopped into the tub for a fast bath. Did I mention that I got ready before the girls even got up. I just had to change into my Easter clothes. What could possibly make me late? I have almost 2 hours to bathe everyone and get dressed. Well, Olivia didn't get to take a bath. And we were still late for breakfast at the hotel. Then, when I got to the hotel there were no parking spots and I had to leave the van running and take the girls in and leave them with Dan, while he is trying to lead the meal, and go park the car. There was one parking spot left but someone whom shall remain nameless, parked his motorcycle just so that no one else could park in the staff parking. Which really wouldn't have mattered because I was late. SO I am walking into the dinning room with my hands full while breakfast is starting and everyone wants to stop and chat about how nice everyone looks. NO ONE offers to take one of the children I am holding, just chat. By the time I get the car parked and get seated at a table I am able to remove the scowl that has been plastered there for, oh, I'd say at least the last hour, and after collecting myself, enjoy a nice Easter breakfast of peach french toast and egg bake.

I have learned an important lesson while serving here at WSS. Holidays are stressful if you have expectations for them! What difference does it really make if everyone gets a bath on Easter Sunday? Who really cares if you don't get a family picture on EASTER? Take one the next day or the next Sunday. Today I cared and it ruined my morning! The day turned out to be a wonderful day but only after I was able to let go of my stupid need for control and perfection. I am learning, slowly, that life is much more enjoyable when the people you love are more important than the expectations you put on them.

Some of you who know how helpful Dan is with the girls might be asking where he was during this craziness. He left the house at 6:30 for the Sunrise service and was helping with the meal. Things always go much more smoothly when he is around. I am just thankful I didn't have to get everyone ready for that!!

Hope you all were able to enjoy and reflect on the gift that Jesus gave us when he was willing to lose His life inorder to gain eternal life for us all. Happy Easter!

The SIX Week Good-Bye

Look at these two girls and tell me they aren't the sweetest girls you have seen, at least today. On Wednesday we woke up and got ready for the day. We had to actually get ready because we had company coming to lunch. It was a beautiful warm day so we put on FaithLyn's little capri set my Mom sent for Christmas. FaithLyn said, "Mom, can Elise wear hers, too, and we can be matchy-matchy?" How could I say no? Then we went to get everyones hair done and in a moment of divine inspiration I desided to coax FL into letting me braid her hair. She was just to cute! Since Elise wants to look, say, and do everything exactly like FL we braided her's, too.

Why all the fuss? We had an interview lunch with the couple Dan and I are hoping to come and replace us here at the Springs. I didn't really think much about this until Tuesday morning when I went down into the basement for something and I realized they were probably going to want to see the house. This house will be there home if they take the position. It would be a good idea for everyone to walk through their home every once in a while and try to look at it like you have never been there before. Because when I did this, remembering that Joe and Heike(like Nike) would be coming, I was sent into a panic! Now let's take a small break to say that I was definitely over reacting. I am known to be a bit dramatic. But it was enough to enlist the help of the girls to do some quick tidying up.

I love this house! Unfortunately, I have learned that if you live in a large space, no matter how much or how little stuff you start out with, you will end up filling up the space you have! My house isn't cluttered, but when you have room to store things. . .well, you do. I found so much junk down in the basement. When I say junk I mean plastic bags and baby gift bags and lots of JUNK! We then moved upstairs and I cleaned off all the cluttered flat areas and then moved to my bookshelves. Our house has these two great big, really nice, built in book shelves. We own one small 3 foot book shelf. Enough said. But I did experience another break through while I was going through the books on the shelves. I realized that it was time to get rid of my college English and Speech books. As hard as it was for me to admit, I don't need them and who knows when or if I ever will again. Sniff. It was a sad moment but I recovered quite quickly. Purging is always so freeing for me. Anyway, All this to say I got a little crazy. The last effort I made to make the house more presentable was to wash off all of the cabinets and appliances in the kitchen. We had all kinds of unidentifiable. . . um, stuff dripping down those cabinets! The saddest thing about looking at my house with a new set of eyes was that it seemed dirty. Not just we didn't clean this week dirty, but "how do you people live like this" dirty. It's amazing how just a few hours of work remedied that situation. It's the little things that make a big difference.

Moving on, the day of the interview came and lunch was great. Dan and I were able to answer all of their questions honestly and openly. They looked at the house and made comments like, "Wow! These rooms are so big!" "I can't believe how big this house is!" "It sure is going to be hard for you guys to move to an apartment." They never mentioned the stained carpet, the walls needing a new coat of paint, the trashy flower beds, or any of the other things I couldn't get to before they came. I am really excited about this couple. My only regret is that we won't get to serve here with them. God willing, they will bring some great things to this ministry that Dan and I couldn't.

Some of you might be wondering why I freaked out about the state of the house. Let me explain. When we moved to the Springs to serve we lived in a suite on the second floor of the hotel. We had to use the hotel kitchen downstairs and we couldn't watch movies when people were staying in the hotel. One of the closets was going to be FaithLyn's nursery. It was prepared for her arrival. (Don't get me wrong, there were LOTS of great things about living in the hotel. But that's not what I am talking about.) Two weeks before FaithLyn's birth we were offered to move in here at "The Meadows". The family that lived here before us took very good care of this home and it was in excellent shape for us. This home has been one of God's perfectly timed blessings for us. I wasn't worried that Joe and Heike would discover my poor housekeeping skills. I was afraid they wouldn't see the tremendous amount of God's blessings that would be passed on to them through this house. I shouldn't have been worried. I am not the vehicle for ditribution of that blessing. The house speaks for itself. I also was afraid that my unexplainable gratitude and love for this house would not be seen if it didn't look cared for. A house is a big responsibility. A house the size of ours is a HUGE responsibility. I don't know why God chose to bless Dan and I with a house like this for our starter house but I do know that we have learned so much and I will never forget this blessing. I am comforted in knowing that if this is how God has blessed us here then I can't wait to see
what is around the corner.

The whole two day interview process was very long and emotional for me. I was very niave about how it would affect me. The thing that took me most by surprise though was the fact that this event started in motion a grieving process for everyone. I knew I would grieve in leaving this place. I thought everyone else would wait until we left to say goodbye. I am not sure if I am being overly sensitive or not but I feel a little tension with the other ministry team members. Perhaps it is just me trying to let go so that I am ready to leave or vice versa. But either way it has already begun. Dan is numb to this process that is so new to me. My only prayer is that in learning how to connect and disconnect in order to move with military life I hope I do not limit my relationships and emotions. I don't want to protect myself so well that I miss the deeper blessings that these hardships bring. I know God can turn everything that Satan means for harm into someting good and beautiful. Beauty from ashes, right? Well, I am willing to step into the purifying flames because I know Jesus is there waiting to walk with me through them.
Ok, I got a little overly dramatic again but, hey, that's just me!

Now it is Easter weekend!! Enough of this talk about endings. This weekend is about beginings! I never truly understood the beauty of Easter until we lived here. Why don't we make a bigger deal about it? This is the BIG ONE! Life everlasting, Christ ressurected, ALIVE!! Man, it makes me excited! I have goosebumps. Do you have goosebumps? HE IS ALIVE! Do you realize that? How long has it been since you really thought about what that means? WOW! HAPPY EASTER, ALL!

Life is in the Air

Living in the North has given me a new appreciation for the seasons. Here we actually have all 4 seasons! You know all those sayings you learned about the seasons and months? April showers bring May flowers. March comes in like lion out like a lamb. Well the people that created those must have lived in Pennsylvania. Growing up in Texas I always wondered which flowers were the special May flowers because anything that was going to bloom usually blooms in early March or April. The flowers are just starting to bloom here and by flowers I mean spring flowers like daffodils and crocus. The lilac bushes are just now starting to bud new leaves. And they won't bloom until late May. I find myself getting antsy waiting for the new life of spring. It is so fitting that spring actually takes place with Easter. Isn't Easter about the hope of life everlasting?

My first Easter here in Pennsylvania I was really sad because I had to wear my coat!! Everyone was wearing gloves and scarves for the Easter sunrise service. The next year it even snowed! I grew up wearing sundresses to the Easter egg hunts not sweaters! But I have grown to appreciate these seasons and fear that I will soon grow sick of the Texas heat. It is so different here. Here you know it is finally spring time when you rush outside because the sun is finally shining and you have to catch every moment you can. You usually see more of the moon than you do the sun. You stop changing your plans because of the rain and you learn the fine art of grilling in a downpour. At least that is what I have learned from the gift of the seasons.

Growing up in Texas I got about two weeks of fall and two weeks of spring. And it never rained! Since my dad was a farmer rain was a reason to celebrate and because I helped my dad on the farm my sister and I often prayed for rain and even participated in a few rain dances. Now the rain is like an annoying neighbor that has lived next door for so long that you live together in a comfortable state of annoyance. You always complain about them but as soon as they go anywhere you immeditely miss them. There have actually been times, living here, that I have prayed for the rain to go away and come again another day. Never for my own benefit, of course! Usually because Dan is out leading a Jr. AO! and it always rains on Jr. AO! This weekend was no exception.

But today. . .today the sun is shining and there is just a touch of green around the edges of the world. My world. Even though it is in the 50's, which by the way is winter in Texas, it is a perfect day for a walk and a BBQ! It is the kind of day that makes you feel alive, really alive. All the worries that kept you awake last night don't seem so worrisome in the bright sunshine. Nothing seems bad in the beauty of God's magnificent creation. I mean just take a moment to think about the fact that the earth is coming back to life! Just like our Savior did two thousand years ago. It makes my heart skip a beat! Spring and Fall. Those are my two favorite seasons!! You know dying is just as beautiful as rebirth. If you don't know it's because you have lived in West Texas all your life and have never seen a true Fall. You probably haven't had much experience with trees either. It will take your breath away just as Spring with cause you to take in a deep slow breath of life.

If you don't have time to experience this miracle then YOU ARE TO BUSY!!! GO outside and breathe LIFE!

Updates and Add-ons

There are a few details I forgot to mention about our vacation.
I forgot to tell you that on Tuesday I went for my second tanning session. About 4 or 5 hours later I noticed an uncomfortable pain all over my body! Needless to say I cancelled my next two tanning sessions and didn't get to go for my massage and facial. I can't tell you how silly I felt! But the pain is gone and all of the parts of my body that no one will ever see are a nice golden brown.
I also forgot to mention that my shopping trip was inspired by way to many episodes of TLC's show "What Not To Wear". The only purchase I am regretting are the pointy toed brown heels I bought. I only regret those because I think I might have bought them a half size to small. The hosts on the TV show always stress buying the right sizes, I guess I got a little carried away by the sale.

Just so you know where I am spiritually and what I am dealing with right now I'll tell you a few things I am mulling over.
Dan and I have been discussing what kind of work he should look for when we get to Ft. Worth. We aren't worrying, at least I am not, yet, but just thinking through our options. Dan would really like to find a job that utilizes the skills he has developed here. I said, OK, let's find a church where you can serve as a college minister. I am not sure that is exactly what he had in mind but it is still an option. He wants to start an Adventure Guide business and work with churches. There are numerous options, some others are: gutter cleaning, window washing, landscaping. All of which, I pointed out, would need a truck in order to make happen. Dan will do well with what ever God places him in, But we are just praying and planning right now. I know God has a plan and I am very open to what ever it is and at this point I am not in a crazy rush to find out. We'll talk in a few months and the story may be different.

I was reading Proverbs this morning and these verses just popped out at me and has stuck with me all day, "The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty." Proverbs 21:5 and "A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor." Proverbs 22:9 These two particular verses grabbed me because I think Dan is honoring God in both of these and they give me uspeakable comfort and peace. I know that Dan will be diligent in providing for us and he is so very generous! I have learned so much from him about giving to others. I have always loved to share what I have and I have been so blessed to be united with someone who shares my passion and even exceeds it! I know that in a few months we will be in a new economical situation. But I dare not say we are poor! In the eyes of the government we are poor right now. But I have never been so blessed financially or any other way. So I feel certain that our new circumstances will not change the heart of my husband for others. That makes my heart swell with gratitude to the Lord for such a husband. I am also thankful that he is planning looking forward but not so much that he is missing the here and now. It is fine balance. I am sure you bread winners out there understand the balance much better than I. At a time when I should be getting more and more nervous about the instability of our future my Lord is giving me an overwhelming sense of calm and peace. Our world is so busy and fretful any way, I am thankful to not have to join that busyness just yet.
May the peace of God's assurance and provision rest on you all this day and always.

Vacation 2006

What a week! We had the best time despite the cold that we all shared and the late nights up with coughing children. Let me start from the beginning.
We got there late Friday night just in time to get everyone in bed by 10:00. The next day started earlier than Dan expected. He woke up to find Elise trying to open the door and walk outside. Thank goodness we deadbolted the door! Just a side note: the first night of vacation in a new place isn't the best time to allow your 2 yr. old to sleep for the first time in a "big girl bed". Several hours later Dan came back to bed. I woke up thinking someone was breaking in to the house!
Saturday Dan took the girls for a swim in the gigantic jacuzzi tub in one of the bathrooms. Then we waited for Dan's high school friend Stephen Burden and his family to come for a visit. We had a great time. Stephen and Kendra have two daughters, Skyler, 5 and Haven, 2. The girls had a really great time playing together and I had a great time getting to know Kendra. It was a lot of fun and another late night for the girls.
We debated whether or not we should go to church but decided against it. Instead we slept in and made sure the girls got good naps. That night we went in to Harrisonburg to visit Dan's cousins, Keith and Kim Sandum and Ian. Kim took me to the Green Valley Book Fair. Ok, imagine a child walking into Toys-R-Us and someone telling that child that for today only everything is only $1. That's how I felt walking into this place! I found all kinds of great books I haven't been able to find anywhere else and none of them were more than six dollars!! While I was at the book fair Dan was being schooled on Dance Dance Revolution. We had a great visit with Keith, Kim and Ian.
Monday I went for my first tanning session. Then I took the girls to the real swimming pool and let Dan rest. That afternoon I got a pedicure and Dan took the girls swimming at a different pool. Then Dan's high school friend, Dave, came for dinner and a visit. It was great to catch up.
Tuesday we visited the Harrisonburg Children's Museum. It was a 100% hands on kids museum. It wasn't very big but it was so Great!! They had a garden that the kids could dig in. A market they could shop at, a full kitchen, child size, a barn, a small house in various stages of being built, a theater with lights, costumes, and make-up center, and a station where you just take things apart. There was a broken printer and other things that you could just tear apart. It was the best! The girls had a great time. Then spent a quiet evening at home.
Wednesday we went to the WaterPark! What fun!! Besides the fact that we spent only four hours total at the park it was a great time! We went for 2 hours in the morning, all of which we spent at the Frog Pond. The frog pond is the toddler area with bouncy chairs for babies and a two foot frog slide. We went home for nap time and came back to spend 2 more hours at the frog pond. Dan and I took turns going on other rides but it just wasn't as fun without anyone to scream with. We had a good time and the girls had a great time. It was worth it.
Thursday I went shopping. All by myself. It was great! I spent lots of money and I liked it!!
The next morning we got all packed up and drove home.

The next few days have been . . . predictable. The girls are crazy, the house is a wreck, our schedule is a joke, and now Dan is gone to his Challenge Course Conference until Thursday evening.
All that aside, we had a GREAT week! It was so much fun and very well worth it!! It's good to be back home and before you know it I'll have the girls and this house whipped back into shape! It never hurts to think positively!