Discipline

I was reading Erin's blog and she was answering a friend's blog. I was very interested in the topic and it got me thinking. Erin's friend Jamie asked everyone to post about their understanding of discipline. I don't know how to make links so you'll have to go to GerltHouse to check out Erin's blog and Jamie's is Embracing My Lot. It's definitely worth a look up.

We get so many chances to hear so many Godly speakers here at WSS. This is just a breeding ground for spiritual growth. We get all the good parts of the Body of Christ and only a very few of the hard stuff. I was listening in on a lady's retreat one time and this was one of the stories the speaker told. She grew up Southern Baptist(Not a kick in the pants for Baptists just the story she told) and with that learned a deep reliance on discipline. When she didn't get a chance to have her quiet time she felt like she had failed God. She would beat herself up for failing and ruin her whole day. A close friend who happened to be some other demonination asked her, Don't you realize that God doesn't love you any less just because you didn't get in the Word today!? That story was an AHA!! moment for me. I have always known that God's love wasn't dependant on my actions but somewhere along the line I decided it made more sense to my human mind to only get as much love as I deserve. The only flaw in that theory is that I don't DESERVE any love. With out Christ I am nothing but a sinner. For so many years I have been either hot or cold in my disciplines. I am right on track with what I "should" be doing and then something happens to throw my schedule and I feel guilty and get burdened with guilt and just quit altogether because I don't want to merely "ACT" out of guilt. It is a vicious ridiculous cycle.

The last few years have given me a new perspective. I want with all my heart to WANT Christ more than anything else. I don't want to depend on a schedule or certain acts of obedience to love my Savior. That part of my is the reason I fight against schedules and routine. I want to love Him so much that I crave being in His presence. The reality is that I am a Wife and Mom. I am a Mom to a 3 yr. old, a 2 yr. old and a nursing 9 mo. old. That should indicate my great need for the Lord right there!! Once the girls get up our house is like a whirlwind until they are back in bed for the night. You see the key to discipline is desire. With out desire discipline is only rules. Rules aren't worth much if you don't understand why you are following them. Rules are pretty oppressive if they are just for the sake of having rules.

God has shown Dan and I some pretty unhealthy habits in our lives over the last few years. Out of a desire to eliminate the unhealthy patterns in our lives that seperate us from God we have set up some guidelines. Now remember, discipline with out desire is just rules and who needs more rules to follow anyway? But these guidelines are set up to help Dan and I have victory over the areas in our life that tend to hold us captive. These rules, guidelines, disciplines, what ever you call them are taking us one step closer to freedom and unity with our Lord. When we start to lose our desire for these standards we take a step back and reevaluate. Here is an example. I have a love-hate relationship with food. I love it and eat it for all the wrong reasons. I hate that I think about food all the time, what am I going to eat, what will be for dessert? I want to be free from this obsession with food because it affects so many other parts of my life. So, I am trying to limit my eating. One dessert a week, one Dr. Pepper a week, and smaller portions at meals, Healthy snacks. We went on vacation not long ago and we decided to go without the food restrictions for the week. The first few days I was shaky from too much sugar. But by the end of the week I was back to craving Dr. Pepper and sugary treats after every meal. When we got home life was crazy! There were other factors that added to the craziness but I felt like I was starting all over again with my eating issues. EXCEPT I knew where I had been and couldn't just jump right back to that place and I resented it! It was a slow start up process to get going again but when I did get going I was able to see despite the set back some of my new eating habits didn't change through the "off" period. SO even though I was starting over I wasn't starting from the same place. I have come to realize that those undisciplined times don't have to be desert times. They serve a purpose too. Now I am not saying just throw out all the disciplines and see how things go, but it is a cycle that leads us on a slow upward slope.

I used to look back on my time in college, pre-marriage, as my spritual mountain in life. But now I know that that high place was only a foot hill. And even though I don't have hours to study the word I have a maturity and knowledge of life that gives new depth to my relationship with the Lord. He is so Faithful!! Even when I don't make it a point to get up at 6 and read my chapters, He is still willing to meet with me. He comes to me!! WOW! To be pursued by the creator of the Universe while I am doing the umpteenth load of laundry, or picking up little tiny shoes for the tenth time, or trying to convince myself that McDonald's offers healthy choices for life, now that is humbling!

I think the most important thing I have learned about discipline is humilty. No matter what I do, it is still my God who pursues ME. And He will, no matter what I do. But I want to do what ever I can to be ready for Him. I want to be sensitive to the Spirit and be listening when He is ready to meet with me. If I am being "disciplined" for any other reason then it's all just rules!