I have definitely given in to the "Martha" mentallity this week. I have been so focused on trying to DO certain things that I got grouchy. I hope I am hearing a few "amens" out there. I had all these big plans this week of fun things to do with the girls. My mom sent us a Valentine package and in it was all the stuff to make and decorate cupcakes and sugar cookies. How FUN! I wanted to do it this week and share the goodies with everyone because next Thursday is Elise's 2nd birthday. I wanted there to be a little space between Valentine's candy and Birthday Cake. It all sounds good but between working out at Curves and all the everyday things that have to happen there isn't much time for anything else. I was determined not to give up my "Personal" time during nap time and looking back that is where I think I went wrong. I had this attitude that I deserved that time.
I try to have "Special Mommy Time" with FaithLyn and Elise every day that it is possible. I really feel that some time committed to each child that is special and all theirs is so important. It makes a huge difference in their attitudes also. The girls are all so close together in age that they still depend on me to do LOTS for them. Unfortunately, Olivia's needs are foremost right now and it's so hard for the girls to understand that, especially Elise. SO this week I tried to do it all. I wanted to go work out three times this week, make and decorate cupcakes, make and decorate sugar cookies. That alone doesn't sound so hard but it is never that easy. I'll spare you the list of things that keeps me from getting anything done, it is all beside the point any way. I really feel that this time is important and I had a time line of when these activities should be accomplished. My failure was in not giving up my comfort for a little special time with my girls. I thought I should be able to get these things done and still have the leisure to rest during nap time. When this didn't prove true the first two days I ended up frazzled and grumpy and I was only more determined to make it work today.
I figured out, a little too late, that I was so focused on me that I made everyone else miserable. And what for? Something I thought I deserved. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I was so selfish. I mean, you may not realize how good I actually have it so I'll fill you in. On days that I work out Dan comes home 30 mins. early to be with the girls AND fixes dinner while I am gone. That's three pretty major things all in one. First of all, Dan is so supportive of me working out. I have to drive 20 mins. to Curves and twenty mins. back so it takes some planning to fit it in between feedings and other things. Second, he asked his boss for permission to leave work half-an-hour early so that I could do this. And most importantly, that time of the day is THE HARDEST time of the day for me. The girls want attention and I have to fix dinner. He does them both!!
Let's just take a moment to fully dwell on how great Dan is. He is so cute and takes his Mister Mom role really seriously. He is really getting in to this whole cooking thing. Diana and Bill, You did GOOD! When I plan out meals for the week he gets out the cook books and puts in a few meal ideas for his nights. He is really getting good! Last night, for example, Dan made Chicken Ceasar salad. He made his own CROUTONS!! I mean really, I would have just gone without but not Dan. If he can find the recipe, he will try it. And he has just about perfected fried chicken!
He has given up so much to make this excercise thing work for me. And I feel like I DESERVE my two hour special time alone in the afternoon!! I am so ashamed of myself. I am doing the same thing that I keep telling the girls not to do. I have just been having one big temper tantrum! Things didn't go my way and I pouted and made everyone else miserable because I was MAD! GOOD GRIEF! Will I ever mature past this? Probably not, but for now, I think I have gotten a little perspective. God must have gotten a good laugh over me disiplining the girls for throwing a fit today!
Thank You, Lord for reminding me what is truly important and how rich my life is with blessings! Thank You, Lord, that I can start fresh tomorrow! Thank You, Dan, for loving me with Jesus' perfect love, ALWAYS.
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