A Look Inside my Heart

I learned something about myself last night. Dan and I were talking about mentoring and how hard it is to give constructive criticism to those you are mentoring. Dan is, by the way, so very gifted at mentoring. We were discussing the fine line between trying to fix someone and loving them enough to try and help them become better. At that moment I realized that the reason I am not as good at mentoring is because I don't want to love the person enough to tell them the hard things. Relationships are hard! And healthy ones take A LOT of work. I just don't want to put forth the effort. It gets messy, feelings can get hurt, not to mention you have to make yourself vulnerable enough to let the other person see you mess up. That's the kicker for me! If I am mentoring someone I want to keep this persona that I am worthy of teaching them. That I have something to offer. Well, the truth is, I have nothing to offer apart from Christ. I AM a mess! The only good in me is God in me. The reason Dan is so good at mentoring is because he offers ALL of himself into every relationship while I only 0ffer the pre-approved parts of me. I want to get rid of this self-preserving attitude and embrace the ugly parts of me that God is working on. Because shouldn't I share the areas in my life where God is present and working? Won't that be where God is able to find and help others?
I am reminded of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "..'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." I realize that in this passage Paul is talking aobut the thorn in his flesh. I don't know what Paul's thorn was but it was something that humbled him. He said it kept him from being conceited about his visions and revelations. I don't know about you but being more real about my shortcomings is pretty humbling for me.
I thought it only fitting that I share this lesson with you all. Now you all know that I hold my heart close and refuse to love as God has loved me. I have always thought that I was protecting myself from heartache, and I am sure I have prevented some of that, but I have also robbed myself of some of the rich blessings of love that God intended for me. I am going to try and love more freely, to open my heart more fully, and show my faults more distinctly.
I also want to rejoice with some dear friends! We just got word that our friends Adam and Mandy are expecting baby #2 in late May or early June. Also our dear friends Chris and Nichole just had baby Hudson on December7, and trust me he is Beautiful! THEN we got word that our dear friends Chad and Erin are expecting! I am ashamed to say that I haven't actually talked to Erin so I am not sure when she is due. This will be #3 for them! I am so excited that someone else is having the baby this time and not me! Congratulations Friends! We are praising God for his blessings and praying for healthy pregnancies and deliveries!