An Organized Heart

My heart often flip flops between desiring order and chaos. The chaotic times send my heart trembling back, head hanging low, crying out in desperation for order. Then when a livable amount of order is established that same heart recklessly and with full abandon runs screaming wildly into chaos.

Right now, I just want some regularity. My baby is almost 8 months. This is usually when it starts to set in........THE CHANGE. I can feel the tremors and desperation setting in. It's probably because I have just been surviving for so long and now mere survival is no longer enough. We need to thrive. And I can not thrive in chaos, why should I expect my children to?

It has taken me a LONG time to admit that I am not a spontaneous free-spirit. I never really thought I was but having to admit that I am power-driven and control-hungry......well that just isn't as flattering, now is it? Thankfully, having an organized home and heart doesn't have to be about power or control. That's probably why it's so hard for me to accomplish.

There are so many things that I want to do and be as a Wife and Mom. If I just float through each day reacting to the immediate then all of those ideals that I have for my family wash away with the laundry and dishes. I am no longer satisfied with just making it through the day. Yet there are days that I must be satisfied with survival. What I have learned is that I will never accomplish anything with out a plan.

If being a wife and mother and keeper of the home is my job; I need to take it seriously. For me that means making a plan and making plans starts with making goals. Once the goals are established then I form my plan of action and that plan of action usually ends up being a schedule. I always tell myself I hate schedules. I don't like to feel tied down. But really I am just scared of failure. What if I can't do it. What if I realize how poorly I am equipped to do this thing that will shape four little people into who they will be.......Or what if I get tied to the schedule and forget about the people it is supposed to benefit?
I am breaking out in a cold sweat just thinking of it. But then from deep within a warm comforting peace starts to calm me from the inside out. It's not my job to ensure success in my children. It is not my job to be a successful Mom. Don't get me wrong I want to be a great Mom, and I want to produce God-followers, but the results of motherhood can't be measured in success and failure.

Happy Easter!

Trip to Nana & Papa's

A little birthday cookie cake
Papa was initiating Judson into his club, the HeMan Woman Haters

Fortunately, it didn't stick.......yet.

Everyone got to do things that Mommy wouldn't normally allow!

Well, As you can see we had a great time with Nana and Papa. Everyone learned lots of useful things from Papa. Judson got some really good Manly time with his Papa. They were laughing and talking the whole time. Every time Papa would come in the house from working or outside Judson would look for him and talk/scream to get his Papa's attention. By the end of our time together they had each other pretty well trained.

We are sure glad to have Daddy home safe and sound. There was only one trip to the ER and it had nothing to do with Skiing, only a few stitches required and all is well. It was a successful trip and I think Dan is grateful it is OVER! I have a feeling there will not be another ski trip planned for a few years.

Hope you all are enjoying your last days of Spring Break. Happy Good Friday that leads to the most important holiday of all......Easter! Many Blessings as you reflect on the goodness of our God who gave so much to reconcile us all to himself!

SPRING BREAK 2008!

Dan is off to Colorado to ski with the Youth Group and we are off to the Panhandle to see Nana and Papa!!

Enjoy your week if you get one!

Are YOU Springing Forward?

I didn't spring. I flopped and stumbled and am still yawning my way through the first week of this dreaded time change! The kids are tired and irritable, I am tired and irritable. Remind me again why we do this? Is it for economic reasons? IS THERE A REASON?! There sure better be a good one!

Good, now I've got that off my chest.......

Hope you all are adjusting well!

Just some Pictures

Our Livingroom campout

Bath time!
Sweet 4 yr old Haircut

I Had Forgotten What a Clean Bathroom Felt Like

That is of course until yesterday. I finally did it. I CLEANED MY BATHROOM! I won't divulge how long it's been since this happened last because well, let's face it, it's just too embarassing! This morning I awoke to a tidy home and it seemed like the sun was shining brighter!

The whole day progressed like a dream. I was even able to keep the momentum going and got all the floors cleaned as well. This is the first time since we moved into this house 11 months ago that my WHOLE house is clean without company coming!

Now I know that most of you moms out there already know this because you keep your house clean, but humor me anyway, ok? The attitude of the whole family is more stable when my home is clean and in order. It is like a machine. When well oiled and cared for it works well. When the house is in disrepair, the family soon follows suit. I know that children crave routine. Once they get a taste of it they are hooked! Perhaps it is the control they feel that lends a comfort to them. They may not be IN control but knowing what's going to happen next gives them a sense of control or at least expectation and awareness.

As for myself, I can think again. I can think about things I have committed to do with out an overwhelming sense of dread. I am no longer stuck underneath a mountain of filth that I am responsible for cleaning. It is always so hard for me to dig myself out when I let things pile up. I spend days, weeks, and sometimes months dreading the huge task, all the while watching it morph in size by the minute!

When I finally do gain the courage to battle the monster I have created I am always encouraged by how much more quickly it is usually resolved than I anticipated. Then I am free to look back and figure out how to keep myself from doing the same thing again. At the moment I am trying to figure out how to organize and mainstream my laundry room and ironing. Well, let's face it I don't iron. But I would like to take on this chore and defeat it! Unfortunately I usually like the planning and organizing much more than the follow through. For now we are just going to focus on the positives!

I have book checked out from the church library called Frugal Luxuries : Simple Pleasures to Enhance Your Life and Comfort Your Soul by Tracey McBride.
I got sucked in by the chapter on laundry. So now I am wracking my brain to come up with some solutions to get my laundry room organized. Right now we have laundry baskets in each room. So the clothes stay hidden from view and I have to sort and transport them to the laundry room. I need a sorting system IN the laundry room. I want to just go buy one but that wouldn't take any creativity now would it? Any ideas for something that would not be an eye sore?

Just in Case you were Wondering.....

Olivia is in BIG GIRL training. Yup, that's right, IT IS POTTY TRAINING TIME around here. So if you were wondering where I have been, well, back and forth between the potty and the washing machine!

Today she went potty at church! Woohoo! That is the first time she went potty somewhere other than home. That's big stuff to us potty trainers! She is getting the hang of it, slowly but surely.

New Accomplishments: The StudMan

Ok, so some of you might not agree that this counts as actual sitting up on his own but it's good enough for me!! He can sit for about 30 seconds before tumping over. He gets pretty excited to do such a big boy thing. He is starting to try and get those knees underneath him too. Right now he can wiggle himself around pretty good.

We are still just so thankful that he is off that medicine. It seems to have been really stunting his development. He is doing great now and is SOOO much more fun to be around!

Be My Valentine

So I am a little behind in posting this but life doesn't stop for the blog, now does it?

Here is FaithLyn and her friend Layni at the preschool party

Here she is with her booty. They really do it up for these parties!
This was a great Valentine's Day! Dan and I made the girls some coupons. We had to get creative this year and I think it may become a tradition. I found some coupon templates on the Family Fun website and then filled them in. Each girl got an Ice cream date, Donut Date with Dad, and Movie Night with Mom. Then they all got one for us all to enjoy together; A real treasure, Treasure Hunt; Afternoon at the Park of your Choice; and Living Room Camp Out
We have one donut date to go and tonight Olivia and I will have our movie night after all the other kids go to bed. It has been lots of fun.

We also spent V-day morning making cards for Daddy and a cookie cake. Then Dan and I took advantage of the parent's night out at church and caught a movie. It was a great day! We really enjoyed all of the activities.


You are probably wondering about the following picture. Well, We are SOO proud of FaithLyn. During our family worship we have been working on memorizing the books of the New Testament. She got them all with out help on Tuesday. We rewarded her with a new game! I wish I had it on video but our camcorder is on the blink. Anyway, the joy in her face at accomplishing the goal set before her was priceless! We played a quick game yesterday before church.

We are so proud of her! Elise is almost there! She is working hard at getting all of those books down all by herself! Next we are moving on to the Ten Commandments. I want them to know the basis for where so much of our discipline standards are created.

A Birthday Party!

The Guests: Aunt Angie and Cousin Luke (Papa got sick so Nana and Papa couldn't come)

The birthday girl

The gifts

The yummy cake

The Excitement!

The aftermath!

Happy Birthday, Elise!

I can't believe she's FOUR years old!

Our Trip

Well, I don't have nearly as many good pictures as I would have liked. I believe my illness had a serious affect on my ability to take good pictures. The girls had so much fun meeting some of their cousins. They hit it off pretty well! FaithLyn and Rachel Elizabeth were like two peas in a pod. Here James is showing my girls what it is like to live in the desert. It was so sad to leave our new found friends.
Everyone chipped in to have a special birthday party for all the Feb. birthdays. Uncle Chuck, Aunt Ellen, and Elise. It was so sweet for Elise.
She got to open a few early birthday gifts.
James and Shelley even brought a pinata! It was so much fun!
The bridge lovers even got in some good card time!

I wish I had a good picture of everyone. Alas...I only have the memories. It was so wonderful to be surrounded by family that is like minded and Christ-centered. Everyone was so thoughtful and loving. There are so many people that I didn't get pictures of! Rats!

My God Is So Big, So Strong and So Mighty

We made it back safely from New Braunfels. It was a wonderful time of remembering and celebrating Grandpa Ramsey. I will have a proper update full of pictures and fun stories as soon as I get them on the computer.



Today I just wanted to share a few of the ways that God has been meeting our needs.

Can I just say that if you doubt that God cares for the details in your life, then keep reading!! I have LOTS of proof that that is just not true!

Elise is having a birthday on Saturday. Dan and I have been talking about what to get her. Today was the day for me to go shopping with out her so I loaded up StudMan and we were off. I had a few ideas; a doll house, a baby doll, anything imagination play.... I also had a $ amount. I knew it was unlikely that I would find a doll house for the given amount. But I went and looked anyway. I couldn't find anything remotely close to anything we thought she might like. I was sad, discouraged, and running out of time. I didn't have time to run all over town and shop at thrift stores. My time is WAY more precious than money right now. Dan and I were on the phone brainstorming ideas and I looked down some random row and saw clearance items. I turned in and to my delight was THE doll house. It was marked down $25. To the EXACT price we had agreed to spend. Now tell me God doesn't care about the details!!! It was the only doll house and the only thing at the right price. My God is SOOO GOOD!

We also recently got our cash reward on our credit card. It paid for all of the gas for our recent trip to see family. We even have a few dollars left over. My God knew whe hadn't budgetted for that extra expence, but he got us there!

We have also received several money gifts over the past few days. We will be able to go out for Valentine's Day!

The biggest surprise came tonight at church. We are having our winter bible study. It's kind of like a revival with meals and a speaker afterwards but a lot less hellfire and brimstone. We are studying Romans. Anyway, I was digging in my purse for a pen and I come across some trash. I pull out a piece of notebook paper folded up. Then I see my name. I open it up to see what it is because I don't remember having a note in my purse. Before I can read the note I see the wad of bills that the note was cloaking! The note was, of course, anonymous. But this was the good anonymous; the get your reward in heaven anonymous. Not the this is what I really think of you but don't have the guts to put my name on it anonymous.

I can 't say it enough. My God is SO GOOD. He can meet our needs. He always has. It is hard to have faith when you can't see how things will work out. But it wouldn't be faith any other way! Believe me, this is one area that God doesn't mind us testing him in! I dare you to trust him to meet your needs. Go to him for everything. Even the things that you think won't matter. He listens and He cares! He is ever so faithful!

Sick again

*UPDATE:
Dan went to the doctor today and got some meds. He has bronchitis. He's feeling lots better today but not well enough to go to work. Dan NEVER misses work so that should tell you how bad he feels! But he is on the mend. Elise is running a low grade fever but she's eating again! That's a plus. FaithLyn is doing great! Looks like we will be making our trip to New Braunfels after all. That is, unless I come down with something in the next 24 hours. Thanks for your prayers!



Half of the clan is down for the count. Dan is really sick. High fever, chills, body aches and a deep cough. He doesn't even have the energy to get out of bed. Elise has a stomach bug and FaithLyn has a mysterious fever. Olivia had the fever last week and Judson has been a little fussy, too.

Dan 's Grandpa passed away and the funeral is this Friday. If you feel so inclined please lift up a prayer that we will all be well and able to attend.

Walking to the Mailbox

I love the immediacy of email. I can email my sister several times a day and feel like she is involved in my everyday. That's great! But there is just something magical about receiving snail mail. I can hold it and see the thought that was put in to it. I can keep it or throw it away. I can get my window shopping fix by just looking through the many sale flyers that come my way.

One of my favorite times of the day is when I hear the mail truck pull up to our house and my heart starts to do a little dance. I start to wonder, "Will there be bills today? What about a magazine? I wonder if it will just be junk?" I usually try not to hope for personal mail. It just doesn't come that often. But when I get out to the mailbox and open that little black door I am, for a moment, a child again.

Then there are the days that I hear the mail truck pull up and stop the motor. That is even more exciting! That means we have a package that is too big to fit in the mail box! He walks it up to the door and knocks. I usually make myself wait at least until he is back in his mail truck before I run out and grab it.

Yesterday's trip to the mailbox didn't disappoint! I wasn't expecting anything. No bills, no magazines, I wasn't sure there would be anything. But the moment I opened that cold metal door my heart skipped a beat. Not one but TWO cards! It's not Elise's birthday for at least two more weeks so who could these be for? One was addressed to me from a new friend here in town and one was to our family from someone special. Two personal cards sent with thought and love. I practically floated the rest of the day!

Dan dropped by in the middle of the afternoon which hardly ever happens and those two encouraging notes turned his whole afternoon around!

Something that seems so simple made a huge impact on our family. It made me even more determined not to lose the art of letter writing. It's such a small thing, but there is just something about the hand written word that speaks so much louder than the keyboard.

I hope you can enjoy your mail collecting today!

Kicking the Fast Food Dependancy

In the last 6 years, years I affectionately term my birthing years, our family has fallen into the dreadful habit of eating out. Not only will eating out pack on the pounds it is incredibly expensive! Granted it was an ebb and flow of eating out. If I was pregnant or had a 6 mo. old or younger we were much more prone to load up and let someone else do the cooking and cleaning up. I am so grateful for a husband that will support my need for help in what ever way!

But now, I am fast approaching that 6 month mark with Judson. I am more rested, or at least used to less rest, and not to mention trying whole-heartedly to live as frugally as possible. Sometimes you just don't have the choice. You have to save money some way. There gets to be a point where the only way to save is to stop eating all together. (this is sarcasm ONLY!! We have never been so financially strapped that we couldn't eat!) Thankfully we aren't there yet but we do have to sinch up the belt a little tighter these days. There just isn't any wiggle room in our budget. Not even for eating out. We know ourselves pretty well though so we did make an allowance for a mail order movie rental but even that is way cheaper than going out once every two weeks.

So how do I compensate when I have gotten lazy in the kitchen? What do YOU do when money is tight and you need to LOVE cooking again?

I have recently fallen back in love with my bread machine! It saves lots of time and those fresh made goodies keep mouths watering and hoping for more. I recently made some cinnamon rolls. It made two batches and I froze one. I also am loving this soft italian bread sticks recipe! See, for us it's the little things that make meals yummy. I am making an effort to make special things or if we are really craving something I head to the computer and search out a recipe that will fulfill our wildest dreams!! It is amazing how many different recipes you can find on the internet for any given thing. Ellen turned me on to Recipe Zzar and it's great but I usually just google what ever it is I am wanting to make and get tons of different web sites.

Some other tried and true tricks for making meal prep easier are the crock pot, freezer meals, and early prep. I realized that the reason I had gotten lazy in the kitchen is because I wasn't doing any work on the meal or putting any thought into it until about 4:30 or even 5. That's obviously too late! SO for days that still happens I have some 10 min. meals handy on stand by.
Things like tacos, grilled chicken fettucine alfredo, spaghetti and mac and cheese. ( my kids are 5 and under so we can still make a whole meal from one box of mac&cheese;) Every time I shop I make sure to get the ingredients for these meals. So I always know I have a stand-by that both Dan and I can make in a pinch.

Some other time saving tips :
-When I make cookie dough I usually bake a pan and then roll the rest into balls and freeze them for future use. That way I have something for dessert if someone shows up at dinner time AND it saves me from eating cookie dough all afternoon!
-My family LOVES french toast so I always buy a loaf of french bread for breakfast. To keep it from going bad I slice it up the night I shop or soon after and freeze it. Then when ever we want french toast it's cut and ready.
-I also buy green peppers on sale and cut them up and freeze them.


Baby steps! But I AM loving to cook again. It is so much fun to cook when your husband can tell you at lunch how excited he is about dinner! The girls are getting better about eating and it is just more fun to cook for people that eat!

My biggest problem is getting in a menu rut. I need some easy, yummy meals. What are your favorites? What meals do you always keep on hand for those crazy days when there just isn't time to cook? What are your crowd pleasers? Do you have a dish that you are famous for? Do share!! You don't have to give me Aunt Ethel's secret recipe but at least tell me what it is and I can google it!

Maybe I will share some of my most requested recipes as well......

The Stud Man is a SUPER STAR!

Not so much of this any more
A WHOLE lot more of this!

Yeah!! Our sweet boy is REALLY a sweet boy now! A few weeks ago on the crazy day that I took all 4 kids to the doctor we had a catastrophe! I spilled Judson's reflux medicine. That was the straw that broke the camel's back! I lost it. The girls were worried about me as I sat in the Wal-Mart parking lot crying my eyes out. Up to this point that medicine made life bearable. Judson had just started sleeping again and not very well. I was just starting to feel like I was getting my feet under me and then I spilled the liquid gold. My insurance wouldn't allow me to refill it since I had just refilled it two weeks earlier. I was devestated!

I just knew the ugly cycle was going to start all over again. Instead of trying to pay for the medicine out of pocket I decided to see how things would go. He is supposed to grow out of the reflux anyway. Well it's been about two weeks since I started to wean him and he is still doing great. Even better than before for that matter! He is more alert and he started rolling over like crazy. He is like a new baby! Thank you, Jesus. I know now you don't have to cry over spilled medicine.

A Dream Coming True!

FaithLyn has been asking me for a while to teach her to read. She is getting pretty proficient in her letter and sound recognition. The last couple of weeks she has been trying to put words together with her magnetic alphabet so today we took the plunge. Mimi gave us some of her A Beka books so I dug them out and we got started. FaithLyn did so GREAT!!! I was amazed at how well she did. She made it through this first book. It was just about the best thing in the world to see the moment every word went from being sounds to an actual word in her head. She finished the whole book. It goes through all of the vowel sounds a,e, i, o, and u. They are all three and four letter words focusing on the basic vowel sounds. It goes through them all twice. She was so proud of herself. I was pretty proud, too. By the end of the book she was a little tired and had a harder time concentrating but she powered through it. You can see from the grin on her face that she was pretty excited to reach this landmark in learning!

I know we have lots more to learn but I am just so thankful! I have always wanted to teach my kiddos to read. I wanted to be the one to see that "AHA!" moment. It is so exciting and gratifying! It was nice to be able to encourage her and tell her how great she was doing. Unfortunately, I find myself nagging more often than praising.

Thank you, Lord that I got to experience this first flicker of a love for reading that I hope to instill in my children. Thank You, Lord that I was available for this teachable moment. May there be SOO many more!!! Bless FaithLyn as she develops a desire to learn and may she never grow tired of learning. Please protect her from ever thinking she has learned enough!

Checking in From Glorieta

Hey all- We are enjoying our time here at Glorieta. It's been a nice change of pace for me. I am sure the girls are having a blast at Nana and Papa's too. We are here for the National VBS Training Conference. We come here to get trained to go home and lead our own conference, state wide or associational. I am in charge of Younger Children, that's 1st-2nd grade. Then I will also be in charge of the adults who will actually be leading our VBS 1st and 2nd grade classes. I am pretty excited to use my brain again on something besides the family budget but it's a daunting task. You see, my problem is that I am really good at seeing all the work that will go into any given task. Even though I am really excited about leading a conference I know what kind of work it will take to do the kind of job that I will be satisfied with. It's a blessing and a curse really. I have a few months to prepare so maybe I can do a little at a time. That will be my best intention anyway!

Judson came with us and that has been . . . . . .interesting. He is the ONLY baby here. I used to do this kind of thing ALL the time when we worked at the camp. They really appreciated the fact that our whole family was a part of the ministry and they accomodated to that A LOT! Plus it was a FAMILY ministry, so it worked. I am realizing how uncommon that is. No one has made me feel unwelcome or even a distraction but it is very apparent that we are the exception. Which really makes sense, this is meant to be a time to get away and prepare for VBS. But for me, it IS time away. It also helped me realize that no matter how much we want Youth Ministry to be our family ministry, it just can't be the way we originally envisioned it. My first and foremost ministry is to my husband and children. My ministry to the youth group would come at the expense of my kids. It's just not a price I am willing to pay. SO we are having to revamp our view on our family involvement. It's a good thing. We are growing and learning. That's always good. We have realized how niave we were coming in to this ministry. I do what I can but I have to keep to focus on MY ministry to my family and THEN if it fits I can do ministry elsewhere. And there have been lots of things that I CAN do. They just look differently than we thought they would.

Back to VBS. It's going to be fun to dust off my old teacher self for a little while. I was really nervous about having to decorate my room, I was a Secondary ed. person so I didn't take classes in bulletin boards and the such. Thankfully there is a decorating team and they will just give me the stuff and I will put it up. The Lord is graceful! It takes WAY to much effort for me to do that kind of creative thing. I could do it but I am SOOO thankful I will not have to. Now I better go and try to catch the session on conference leading 101! Every one deserves a little refresher, right?

Weekend in Review

She's not looking so sad anymore.
"MOOOMMMMYYYY, I need more milk, please!"
On the road to recovery. Our sweet Judsocerous.
WHAT A WEEKEND!! We had three ear infections, breathing treatments, coughing fits, a haircut and a visitor! BERGNER! had to be the highlight of the weekend. Oh, and the time alone at the beauty salon for me!

You know I realized that when you are inside the four walls of your home for a few weeks your world gets pretty small. I needed a fresh perspective. I got one tonight. I can gladly deal with ear infections, snotty noses, chronic coughs, and minor skin infections! Thank You, JESUS that my kids are healthy. They do not have any long term illnesses. When this bit of sickness is done I will be able to leave my house and resume regular life. But even if this was regular life....I would do it. I would choose this and I would learn to make it productive and exciting for the kids and myself. But THANK YOU, LORD that I am not faced with that particular challenge. My world got pretty small. I lost focus and I forgot that it could be SOOO much harder. Life is good and we are so blessed.