A Humble Pride

This morning I was reading a devotional thought about humility. I was convicted.

"A humility that freezes our being and frustrates all healthy activity is not humility at all, but a disguised form of pride. It dries up the roots of the spiritual life and makes it impossible for us to give ourselves to God." -Thomas Merton in Thoughts in Solitude

Then I read this quote by Helen Keller- "I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker."



How many times do I hide behind the idea of striving for excellence? I do not follow God's call to accomplish some task or do a certain task because I am afraid of failure or accomplishing the task only marginally. I am reminded of the verses in II Corintians 12: 9-10

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities , that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in presecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For wehn I am weak, then I am made strong."

How many times have I missed a blessing, not to mention the strength of the Lord, simply because I didn't want to appear weak, incapable, unintelligent, incompetent, under qualified, unable. How long will I stand in the way of God's greatness. He wants to show Himself in my life. He wants to exert His power in my everyday tasks yet I prevent it because I am afraid of failure!? I need to take a hard look at my heart and decide if I believe what Scripture says about my victorious Savior. Do I believe in Christ or will continue to limit Him because I believe in myself more?

I want to choose the freedom He offers. The freedom to be unhindered by the qualifications I put on success everyday. I would like to give up the expectations I have for myself and simply look to God. He doesn't expect much. He simply says, "Follow Me." All I have to do is choose to listen, and obey and I can be free from the standards of this world that are so much more burdensome than the freedom Christ offers. SO today, I choose Life. Life more abundantly, filled with the love and peace that no man can explain or understand.

Madame Butterfly, the 103rd Dalmation, and Olivia and the Red Crayon

It's no secret to those who know me that I am not crafty. It's ok. I have come to grips with the fact that I will never rival Martha Stewart and my children will never arrive at parties with cute homemade crafts to share. So, that is the preface to the pictures of my children's first ever Halloween costumes.

This is the first year that I have had to struggle with how we would address the halloween situation. The girls are old enough now to know what is going on and ask questions. So Dan and I decided that we would take it one year at a time. This year we have decided to let the girls dress up (because it's fun) and attend Dan's community center carnival. All of the COmmunity Centers in Dan's region got together at Shane Mize's community center, Greenbrier and had booths set up in the gym. It was really fun! They had a bounce house and lots of fun games. The girls got lots of candy and Grace Ann, Gibson, and Hayden Mize were there too. It can't get any better than that! I even got to visit with Hannah! So in preperation, I went to the resale shops looking for cheap costume ideas. Because like I said, I am just not crafty! We found some really cute butterfly wings that FaithLyn fell in love with and a cute dalmation costume for Elise and an Elmo suit for Olivia. But when we got home I realized the Elmo suit didn't have an Elmo face hat. So she has a red suit! Hmmm...my craftiness was severly challenged over this one!! But we came up with the red crayon idea and well, she's still to young to realize that she got shafted!

We had lots of options for tomorrow. Our church is having a really fun Harvest Festival and it's completely Bible based so I know that would be great for the girls but I was really burdened about our neighborhood. Everyone in the neighborhood knows that we attend seminary. They know we are "Jesus people." I feel like this will be a good time to let my girls experience giving instead of getting. We are going to stay home tomorrow and give out candy. I hope we have some trick or treaters because we loaded up on candy! I tried to get the good kind too. I want to send a message to these families that, yes, we are Jesus people, and that means we love you! I hope it will open some opportunities to meet some neighbors or at least some neighborhood kids. At any rate, my girls will get to focus on giving out candy instead of getting it. I am really excited because growing up in the country we didn't have any trick or treating. I can't wait to get to open up the door and give a sugary treat!! If anything they will at least know where to come to get the good candy next year!! I hope that what ever you have decided to do with your family that you enjoy it! Whether it's fall, or Halloween, or what ever you celebrate have fun!

This last picture is just one that I wanted to share. Aunt Patty sends us these great boxes filled with all kinds of goodies every once in a while and today happened to be once in a while! The girls love getting packages and the boxes from Aunt Patty are always BIG! So we had fun going through it and trying on all of the great hats she sent our way!

Passing on a Love for Reading!

Books have played a very important role in my life. I love books, I love to read, and I love reading to my kids. I was an English major so that I could read and get a degree for it. I studied to become a teacher so I could help other kids to love reading. Now I am a mom and I hope to instill a love of reading in my children.

I also love free activities for my kids! I found out about a book signing "Pajama Party" with Laura Numeroff, the author of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and that whole series of books. She has a new book out called When Sheep Sleep. We had to drive a long way to get there and unfortunately we missed her reading of this book but we got to hear her read one of her other books and answer some questions. Then she signed our books for us. We were there for 30 mins. maybe and I was glad we did it but I wasn't sure it meant anything to the girls. This morning FaithLyn told Dan about our pajama party with the lady who read to us. I am so glad she at least remembered! That made the traffic and long drive worth it.

Happy Reading, All!!

The Spiritual Leader: God ordained

I have expressed in some previous posts some of what I have been learning about the biblical role of women. Today I want to focus on the role of men. The first chapters of Genesis are great to study in regard to biblical roles of men and women because we get a little bit of a picture of how God intended things to be. I in no way claim to be a biblical scholar but here are some things that have been revealed to me by others who are biblical scholars and theologians.

We know from Genesis 2:7 that Adam was formed first. He set about doing the work that God assigned him, to tend the garden and keep it ( 2:15). Thus creating the role of provider for the male. Then God gave Adam specific instructions about what he could and could not eat.(2:16-17) Next, God promises to make for Adam, "a helper comparable to him"(2:18) Then the animals were created and Adam named them and verse 20 says, "...But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him." Then God put Adam to sleep and formed Eve from Adam's rib. She was part of him, made to be a "helper comparable to him." He named her and then the institution of marriage was set up. Remember, this is still before the fall, so this is God's perfect plan.

Now here is the part I had never thought about before. Scripture does not account for Eve learning of God's command not to eat of the tree life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. In fact, when the serpent asks her about it she says, "We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden , God has said, 'You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.'" (3:2-3) We know that is not exactly what God told Adam. He said do not touch it. Did Eve just add not to touch it for emphasis? Or is that how she was taught? We have God's words recorded, but there was some discrepency from God's words to Eve's. And no sin has been committed yet. That means God allows for this "interpretation" of his guidlines. Now let's skip to where God confronts Adam. Who does God call for? Does He call for his children? No, God calls for Adam. (3:9) This is proof that even though Eve took the first bite God asked Adam to answer for the sin first. I am assuming that it was Adam's responsibility to teach Eve what fruit was good to eat and what was off limits. Because He was ultimately held responsible. Now we see in verse 13 that Eve has to answer for herself to God and also to reap the consequences but who did God ask first? Eve is a helper, responsible for her actions but under the umbrella of Adam's leadership and authority. Paul even goes so far as to say that Eve was decieved but Adam ate with the full knowledge of wrongdoing. (2 Cor. 11:3; 1Tim 2:14) Now they were both cursed. But even in this curse there is a promise of the grace of Christ to come (3:15b)

So if the woman is a "helper"; which, by the way, in no way signifies inferiority, just a different task; then the man has the role of leadership. His leadership was well established before woman ever even appeared. So, we see that God recognizes Adam(man) as the spiritual leader. He addressed Himself to Adam first, then Eve was called upon to answer for herself when Adam pushed the blame onto her.

Now that we have the biblical foundation for the man's role as spiritual leader I can give personal testimony. I have always understood that Dan is the spiritual leader in my head. I have to admit though that I have fought against this for years with out even realizing it. That's part of the curse, I think.

Genesis 3:16b "Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you."

The older I get the more God is revealing to me the peace and joy I can find in living under the umbrella of Dan's leadership. You know God didn't make marriage a metaphor of His relationship to us for nothing!! Just like it is so much easier to let God lead your life, it is so much easier, as a wife, to let your husband lead the family!

Our move to Fort Worth has put us in a perfect place to allow God to more fully develop our roles for our marriage. My only focus is family and home. Dan on the other hand has lots to focus on. Work, School, Family, Church. Not in that order but still that's a lot to think about. And for the first time God has placed us where Dan really needs. . .can you guess. . .MY HELP! But I can only help at home. I can not do his work for him. I can't really even be at work with him, which is a change for us. I can't do his school work for him, that's just not ethical. I can't schedule time for him to be with us as a family, it's just not possible. SOOOO, I am limited to simply do what I can in order to help. What does that look like? I try to keep his clothes clean and wearable, I keep the house neat so when he is here he can study, I cook for him, make his lunch, and sometimes stay up late with him and help him study or read some of his assignments to him. It sounds like a lot but there have been lots of times that I have been in tears because there just wasn't more I could do to help him. But you know what? That's the way it's supposed to be! If I can meet all of Dan's needs then he doesn't need to go God.

When Dan and I got married we had lots of fun together. We thought we would look back on those first 2 years and laugh that everyone said it was going to be so hard. Well, know we look back and laugh that we were so prideful!! Learning to live together was easy for us, but learning to become one spiritually was tough!! It took a long time to even understand what that meant! We are still learning how it looks and feels. But I have become dependant on Dan's spiritual leadership in my own walk with the Lord. Now, do not misunderstand me, I am ultimately responsible for my relationship to the Lord, but I have learned to recognize that Dan sees things in me that I am unable to see. He can direct me in the Lord and see how God is leading me sometimes when I get caught up in the finer points or miss the point all together.

Living in PA we only had 3 TV stations so we didn't watch a lot of TV. We got to be pretty disciplined in this area of our lives. But moving to DFW where we get 12-15 channels just with the rabbit ears caused some problems. First of all, TV is a sin trigger for me. Let me explain. The more I watch TV the less aware I am of the content I am taking in. The more TV I watch, the more I think of self-gratification. For me that equals food and laziness.
The less I watch TV the less I deal with the desire to over-eat and eat junk food and the less I feel tired and want to just sit and rest. Now granted nothing in excess is good for us. Moderation is the key but when you add TV into my life my ability to moderate myself goes down the toilet! I have known for quite some time that I needed to set some new boundries for myself. I have even felt the conviction of the Lord in this area of my life. I have even tried and failed more than once since we moved here.

The other day, Dan told me he felt convicted to stop watching TV and that the girls and I shouldn't watch either. I am so thankful that God has been preparing my heart and teaching me about godly submission. My heart was in tumult but my head knew that he was right and I was able to respond in a loving way. We have since gotten rid of the rabbit ears and when Dan comes home at night I make sure that the only temptation to put off studying is me. We have agreed to some boundries for our family where the TV is concerned. Boundries that we can all agree on. Marriage is a partnership and if you truly love your mate like Christ calls us to then you will want what is best for them even if that's hard for you.

I had been telling myself that I needed to have TV so that I could at least get some kind of adult interaction(if you can even call it that) and it was my consolation for Dan not being around so much. (Honestly, this is how I explained to myself that I deserved to be able to "rest" and rot my brain and deaden my heart) My reasoning was faulty at best and it was not benifitting me or anyone else in my family at all!

Since Dan stood out on a limb to lead the family in that way I haven't even struggled with wanting to watch TV. His leadership made it easy for me to want what I had been convicted of long ago. I know that I am ultimately responsible for obeying God's instruction in my life but when I have a godly husband who hears and listens and obeys the leadership of God in his life then it sure does make it easier for me to hear, listen and obey. I am so thankful for a husband who loves me like Christ loves the church. Everyday he sacrifices his time and energy to work long hours to provide for us. I am so thankful of the sacrifices he is making for us when it would be easy for him to decide to let us just go with out some things because God has called him to be a student right now. But even though God has called Dan to be a student, Dan has not forgotten his godly assignment to provide for his family. He is a great provider, protector, and I am so thankful for his spiritual leadership. But the key in Dan's leadership of the family is that he is fully aware of and sensitive to THE Provider, Protector, and Leader.

Thank You, Lord, for your love that I daily see manifested through my husband to my family and the world he encounters around him.

Fun Weekend with Daddy!

Here is a picture story of our weekend. We had lots of fun enjoying time with Daddy!! We went to the zoo all day and then Daddy put the girls to bed. That's always a fun event!

There should really be some set rules about posting on these things!!!?

Has anyone out there seen that TLC commercial about life lessons? The one that says Merlot and email don't mix? Well, apparently for me PMS and blogging don't mix!! Not a good idea! That stupid post has been plaguing me since I posted it. I am afraid that I didn't portray my meaning well. I was very honest about my emotions that, clearly, were unstable. I was only trying to show how stupid I had been.

God has put me in a place to give to others right now, and I love to give to others. I also have lots of great friends that are giving tons to me despite their crazy schedules too but my poor friend got caught in the crossfires of balancing giving to others and (wrongly) expecting to recieve from some. I am so sorry dear friend if I made you look back on your actions and doubt yourself.

Recently I have realized that I don't want to be one of those people who imposes my own ideas of justice on others over God's ability to deal with individuals and perhaps his desire to deal with me. You see I have come in contact with a person that deals with conflict in a way that I don't necessarily agree with. This individual, in my opinion, tries to teach the offender a lesson rather than being honest with the person and confronting them in love. And I just don't agree with that. I think we need to treat individuals with the same love, grace and mercy we have received. Jesus called us to love our neighbor as ourself. So I try to remember that in a conflict.

Well.

As much as I am opposed to this theory I was practicing it myself!! That's a bit ironic, don't you think? Anyway...my realization of my own self-righteous attitude towards this persons conflict resolution opened my eyes to my own lesson teaching conflict resolution. That was the point of the last post. Not anything else that I may have very emotionally rambled about. But I learned that no matter what the conflict, or even if our feelings get hurt, there is always someone else involved and that some one else is worth a little thought and compassion. It's so easy in conflict to think of how I am affected by this incident but Jesus calls us to think of others and it is usually worth the time spent if you can put yourself in their skin for just a moment.

A Hard Lesson

The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger,
And his glory is to overlook a transgression" Proverbs 19:11

"There are many plans in a man's heart,
Nevertheless the LORD's counsel-that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

"Do not say 'I will recompense evil';
Wait for the LORD, and he will save you." Proverbs 20:22


I encountered these verses in my study time this morning. They smacked me in the face! But I have to be honest, I knew it was coming! Here's a little background...

I have been very emotional the last two weeks. God has placed me in a time that I am giving way more than I have ever given before. I believe he brought me here so that I could learn to turn to him in order to recieve what I need. Because let's face it folks, 12 hours a day with three kids 4 and under, well that'll just suck it out of you! And in this emotionally dry period the Lord has placed some people in my life that need me. I am so thankful to be needed but I just ran out of things to give and I just wanted someone to do something for me. I think most women are bad about letting this kind of thing build up and build up until you eventually just explode. Well this was the week of Mount St. Kelli. I had given so much to others that I was dry and the only thing coming out of me was poisonous fumes!


I took a step this morning to release that poison that infected my whole life for this past week and half. I got up this morning to spend some time in the word and BAM! That smouldering volcanoe that was just under the surface fizzled and died completely when I read those verses above. What a heavy burden I have been carrying. I feel so small and ignorant! I spent so much energy being hurt and carried so much emotion because of that and I wasted a whole week being depressed and sullen and moody.

"There are many plans in a man's heart,
Nevertheless the LORD's counsel- that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

I am a Homemaker!

I have been learning so much about God's plan for me. This won't sound earth shattering for anyone esle out there, but for me, this is big stuff. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a wife and mom. I decided to get an education and get certified to teach, just in case. But I always , always wanted to get married and be a mom! I got married at age 21, too young for most of the adults in our lives but just right for God's plan. I found out I was pregnant with my first child when I was 23! Despite the dreary circumstances we found ourselves in, no jobs, living with Dan's folks, I was so EXCITED!! Then God moved very quickly to show us that we were truly following His plan and He provided the perfect job for Dan and a home for us. So I was set. I was ready to be a Mom. During those few months while I grew a life in my belly I was as close as I have ever come to depression. The issue I was dealing with? How could I have issues when all of my dearest, oldest dreams were coming true? The problem was I had spent the last 18 years of my life studying to become something that I might not ever do. I was a house wife. And our house was a two bedroom suite in the 1800's hotel we worked at. So what on earth was I supposed to do with myself? I slept a lot, I read a whole lot, and I ate a lot. I am thankful we didn't have t.v. there! I struggled with being content and I couldn't figure out what I was missing. After talking it over with Dan for a LONG time I realized that I was mourning my "career". It seemed so crazy to me, because I never had one! But I felt so useless! Nothing that I did seemed to hold any purpose other than everyday life, and it definitely didn't seem to hold a purpose in the Kingdom.
That was four years ago and three children ago and I think I finally understand the purpose God has placed on my life as "only" a wife and mom. It's so easy to lose that focus in the early years of motherhood and marriage. But right now my sole purpose is to care for my husband, my children, and our home. In that order. And for the first time ever, it's enough! I love what I am doing and I have more drive to excel and purpose for excellence than ever before.
For the first time I am able to see how my care for my family truly does help Dan to be the provider, the protector, and the spiritual leader. And when I let him take care of those things, that are by the way, his God given role, then I am free to concentrate on fulfilling my God given role; to comfort, nurture, teach, and physically care for my family. I think that understanding the divinely designed responsibilities of each role has helped me to honor them.
Now, please don't misunderstand me, I am in no way saying I should not have been educated for a profession because some day that may be part of God's purpose for me, and in a sense it is His purpose for me now. I am better able to teach my children basic skills because of my education. I am also able to be a partner to my husband in thought and intellect. As he learns and grows in his spiritual leadership he teaches me and shares with me the knowledge he gains. Then I am able to supplement that knowledge on my own. I am speaking of his seminary "knowledge" here. I am ultimately accountable for my own spiritual growth and relationship with Christ.
I guess the purpose of these random musings is that God has finally granted me contentment in my role as wife and mother. When people ask me what I do I don't say "I am just a mom." anymore. I say "I am a Homemaker!" Because that is what I do. I strive to make a home that is comfortable, inviting, and full of the knowledge of Chirst and His love. That is something I can take pride in! It's not an easy job either.
I will still probably encourage my daughters to develop what ever skills they possess in the direction of a "career". But I will also make sure that they have a solid understanding of what God's purpose for marriage is and what responsibilities He has given to each gender. I also pray that my contentment, joy, and fulfillment as a homemaker will give them the same desire to be a wife and mom that I gained from my mother as a young girl.

I know I am not alone in this struggle! I know that other women struggle with this very same issue because it has been around for as long as sin has been around. I know because God said so! In Genesis 3:16 it says, "To the woman he said, 'I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.'" (emphasis added)
So ladies, at home, we are in charge of the children, and the home but NOT how it is run. We were created to be a "helper suitable". I think "Your desire shall be for your husband" means you want his job not your physical desire for your husband. Which by the way is a good thing to keep around! It has taken me a long time to come to my current level of understanding what respect for my husband looks like. I know I have a lot further to go but finally I can quit wishing I was doing what he gets to do and work on excelling in the place that God created me for! And when I excel as a wife and mother, then I make it easier for Dan to excel as a husband, father, student, and professional. It was meant to work that way! And it is amazing how well it does work when we are willing to surrender to God's plan.
So, if you are a wife, a mom, a working mom, a single mom, a daughter, a sister, or just a female, be encouraged. God does have a plan for you. He created it long ago. It has been tested and proven and created for us to thrive under. And no matter how many times you fold and put away clothes, or pick up toys, or wipe noses, or put your husbands underwear in the dirty clothes basket, or clean the toilet, or do the dishes, or fix a meal, with out a thank you; you are doing a divinely desinged task! It has a purpose more significant than getting through the day. And let's face it, we are usually just better at it!

A Close Call

Dan called this evening to tell me that one of his co-workers was attacked late one night this weekend while getting gas! We have been praying for this co-worker. We care a lot about her and Dan has shared his faith and various aspects of his faith with her numerous times. Thankfully she was unharmed but very sobered by the situation. She has three children also. Dan came home and hugged me a little longer than usual. The part of this story that is scary to me is that she was at a gas station!! They are usually well lit and have security cameras! But this co-worker is one of my new heros!! He came at her while she was getting back in the car and threw open the door. Then pushed her back on the passenger seat. She grabbed her cell phone which she only keeps for emergencies. (By the way, old cells phones with out service are still capable of dialing 911!) She did this and the operator told her to stay quiet and they would come. But the man saw the phone and started to grab for it and she took the opportunity to kick him in the head several times. She knocked his glasses off and then when he went to pick them up she really nailed him with her heels. This guy ran back to his car, and can you believe this, HIS CAR WOULDN'T START!!
She was able to give the 911 operator a description AND a liscence plate number!

I am retelling this story for a couple of reasons. 1. You ladies need to be careful!! Use your spysense and keep a close eye on your surroundings!!
2. Maybe mace isn't such a bad idea to carry around!!
3. This co-worker told Dan that this experience made her realize she needs to change some aspects of her life. So please pray that God will have victory in her heart!

Long awaited Tea Party Pics!

Here are two of the three pictures we took of the party. Our little tea drinkers, FaithLyn and Anna Kate. They were very serious about their tea. FaithLyn was pretty upset that I wouldn't serve hot tea! Mrs. Kent our neighbor in Pennsylvania invited us over frequently for afternoon tea. It was always a highly desired invitation. And FaithLyn has developed quite a taste for tea. I have to admit I will never quite develop the hospitality that we experienced at Mrs. Kent's. Those times of fellowship were so sweet. We so miss you,
Miskie!


This is the spread. I don't think I will persue a career in cake decorating anytime soon!

The Gene Pool

I have realized the gene progression in my children and this picture gives a clear example. FaithLyn has always been tall and skinny, even as a baby. Clearly B genes, there aren't to many tall Clarks, a few, just not in my immediate family. Elise has always been short and skinny, also from the start. So, we see some of the Clark genes very evident. But Olivia is a different story all together! She was tiny from the beginning, but she couldn't help that she entered the world 4 weeks early! Ever since then she been trying to catch up with her big sisters. She is and probably always will be shorter than average but let's face it she almost weighs as much as Elise! I love that she is chubby, not having a chubby baby up to this point. She has all the rolls and chubbies that other babies have. She is all Clark! Maybe we should stop now. We have all of the safe combinations of children. 1- full B(FL) ; 1- 1/2 B1/2Clark (E) ; and 1- full Clark. Thank goodness I know that they were each fearfully and wonderfully made by a Creator whose knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I can not attain it. Psalm 139. But regardless of how the Father put them together he used parts of me and parts of Dan. They are each so different yet so much a part of Dan and I. They are the perfection of our love and the wonder of our Lord. Not to mention they keep life interesting!! I am every day thankful for His gift though I admit I am not always excited about the amount of work it includes.

At the end of the day during supper when my nerves are very touchy and my patience has worn thin, I would still rather sit at my table with my three sweet if only human and sinful girls and try to make it through a meal with out a spill, a threat, refusal to eat, or loss of temper than eat alone. Parenting is the most worthwhile, challenging, frustrating, heart breaking, joyful, sweet, messy, painful, trying, rewarding, awe-inspiring job I have ever had. I love these three girls more than life itself! I love my Lord more and my husband still must come before them but that is how I am able to love them as much as I do. I love them by setting boundries, by giving up my time and personal desires to do things with them and for them and yet I can not love them as much the God who created them. So I will entrust their future, their care, and their souls to the Father that can love them without fail. I pray for His grace as I strive to love them with His love and I pray that He will grant us all mercy when I fall short of that goal. And fall short I do! OFTEN! Sometimes I forget these goals that are foundational to our parenting style. I get overwhelmed or most often too focused on the tasks and forget to nurture the relationships. At the end of the day all I can do is ask the the Lord to , "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" Psalm 139:23-24

Even as I consider the wonder of my children I am reminded that I am also known. And His grace is sufficient for EVEN me!


Enough said.

The Long Road Back to Normal

This may be news to the blog world but not to those who see me regularly, I am no longer baysitting Katelyn. She is a sweet girl and my girls loved having her around but it was just to much for me. I was stressed out and tired and losing some ground in some key areas of my life that we just weren't willing to sacrifice. In the end it took Dan telling me it was time to let go for me to feel ok about telling Katelyn's parents. I feel a bit like a loser, but I have to keep telling myself that my first priority is to MY family. And I wasn't able to do it all.

Kudos to you moms who do! I would much rather be poor and eat spaghetti every night of the week. Work STINKS! No matter how great the job or boss or coworkers! I am not cut out for it. Maybe my standards are just too high and I am unable to let some things go, I'll just keep telling myself that so I feel better anyway. But honestly, I know that I made the choice that is most honoring to God. I am able to focus solely on my family.

Anyway, Katelyn's parents were very understanding and God worked out the details. I told Katelyn's parents on Monday but told them I was committed to keep her through Oct. because that was the original agreement and on Thursday they told me they had someone to keep her already!! Maybe I was just supposed to be the inbetween person anyway! But I have to tell you it is a bit humbling to realize I couldn't do it. I know that I was obedient to God's call and it just didn't last as long as I thought. I learned some valuable lessons!! It also helped me get Elise going on the potty training!! Woostinkinwho! If even just for that it was definitely worth it!!

All that was just background to say that I thought it would be really easy to get back in gear and on top of my game again and now it's been a week with out Katelyn and I still feel like I am recovering ground! The sad part is that I don't want to do all the stuff I know I need to. I stopped keeping Katelyn because I wasn't able to do the things I knew I should with the girls and now that I have no excuses I am still not doing them! I guess I have to give myself a little time. I always try to just jump right in and start back where I was but that just never happens!!
Kind of like when you are pregnant. I always thought if I could just have this baby then we could get on with life! OH NOT TRUE!! Then I would think well, once she's sleeping through the night! It is just a cycle and at some point you just have to get tired of waiting for the perfect circumstances and DO what ever it is you are waiting for to happen. Every day I make a small bit of progress towards my goals, so we'll get there. But Dang, it sure is slow going!

I know that I could never be a women's speaker because everytime I read scripture in front of a group I am so moved by the Word that I cry. Not that that is a bad thing but it sure is hard to understand a blubbering woman!

I took the advice of my dear Mother-in-Law, Diana and my sweet husband and I used an excerpt from my blog. It was just right. I was able to share what purpose my blog serves and then I was able to share a devotional thought. The verse that made me blubber? I Cor. 13:10,12. "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears...Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." Isn't that exciting? When Christ, perfection, comes we will be made perfect!! My throat is getting all tight and my eyes are clouding up just thinking about it!! All of the goodness that we know of Christ right now will be personified to the umpteenth degree when he comes again to reveal his glory. All the questions we have will be made clear!

The whole time I was trying to prepare my speech I was thinking of how my college speech prof and mentor, Mrs. Strickland would react to my lack of prep and commitment. I had a speech(Communications) minor in college. This was what I was always really good at. I realized that those abilities that I was so proud of, well, first of all, they were a gift from the Lord, and second, with out the blessing of the Lord they are useless!! That is why I was struggling! I wanted all of those women to hear me speak and be in awe of...well, ME! I wanted them to want to know ME as a result of my presentation. And until I surrendered that desire and wanted those ladies to see and hear from my Lord through my presentation I had nothing! As soon as I gave it over and said, "Enough, Lord. If I go up there and look like a fool that has never spoken in front of a group then so be it! I want you to be glorified, NOT Kelli." Then and only then was I able to truly share my heart. And I believe that those ladies did get to see an accurate picture of who I am. I was able to make myself vulnerable to them in the most intimate way, I shared the heart of my Savior with them. I don't remember if I followed all of the rules for public speaking, or if I said "UMmm.." or "Like" and I just barely made it in my time limit BUT, I was able to give up my desire for earthly recognition for the moment. And the best part is that the Word of God was honored and He blessed MY heart. I learned a valuable lesson about sharing the Word. It's God's word, not mine!!
"To God be the glory great things he hath done, So loved he the world that he gave us His Son, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Let the Earth hear his voice,
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Let the people rejoice.
Oh, come to the Father through Jesus the Son, Great things he hath taught us, great things he hath done."

PRESENTATIONS #*%!!#@%*

I have a presentation tonight for my Minister's Wives class and it has really bee frustrating to me! This is what I am supposed to be good at and I can't figure out what to share!! I feel like such a loser! The truth is that there is so much that I could share I am having a hard time fitting anything into 5 mins.! The presentation is pretty unstructured. Mrs. Dr. Patterson just wants us to get some practice speaking in front of everyone. This is supposed to be my thing!! And I have been unable to commit to a topic. I am going to take the easy way out and just share one of my posts from this blog. For me, this blog is a ministry. It is a ministry to my family. I got tired of feeling like they didn't me. SO...what better way to let your family really know you than to share your thoughts more concistently than a phone call every week? It has become so much more than just a collection of pictures and events for me. This blog is where I work out what God is teaching me and make myself vulnerable to others about what God is teaching me. Now how do I share that in 5 minutes? Oh, well, I have got to get back to the archives and find a post to share!

Happy Birthday, FaithLyn!

Today we went to get FL's hair cut. She wanted it short like Elise's. Then we all went to the Museum to play and picked up Dan for lunch at Mickey D's. What a fun day! (The little girl between FL and Elise is Katelyn. She stays with us during the day.)
This is going to be one of those really cliche things to say but. . . I can not believe that only four years ago we were introduced to FaithLyn for the first time. I can not believe she is growing up so fast. I remember when she was born she looked around the room very calmly. She turned her head and looked all around and then she reassured us with one little cry and went back to observing. She was amazing! She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. But every mother thinks her children are beautiful. It's one of God's most special gifts for moms. After nine months of carrying that child we better think they are cute!! I was so ready to get home and have her all to myself. That changed eventually and I learned how special good help, or ANY help for that matter, is.

FaithLyn, this message is for you someday. I hope that someday when I am not your bestest friend anymore you will find this and know how special you are to me. I am so thankful for how you are growing. You are so sweet and thoughtful. Just today you shared your birthday milkshake with everyone at the table. I love that you are friendly and good at including others in your fun world. To see your imagination taking bloom brings delight to my heart. I know that there will be years when you think I am less than tolerable so I am storing up these precious memories now so that they will last me through the dry spells. Believe it or not, you won't always want Mommy to tell you a "little Mommy story" before bedtime. So until then I will tell you as much as you want to know about Mommy when she was little.

I am so excited to go with you and get your very first Library Card. I remember my first Library card. It was my first taste of freedom! I was in charge of what I picked out to read. I hope this excitement will continue to grow into a full blown passion for literature. I hope your love of reading will overflow into a love of learning. My heart melts every time I see you experience something or learn something for the first time. That AH HAA! moment is priceless to me and I hope someday you have the opportunity to experience it yourself with your own children. There are so many things that I want for you. I want your life to blessed by the love of Christ. I want His joy to be the joy that radiates from your smile and everything you do. I want you to be protected from bad choices and mistakes because you are obedient to God's will for your life. But more than any of those things I want you taste and know that the Lord is good! To feel His presence and know His forgiveness. If I don't do anything else for you besides teach you of Christ's love then I have succeeded in this life on earth. There is nothing else worth living for. My prayer for you is that you realize His love and surrender to it at an early age. By surrender I mean I want you to give yourself to Him unashamedly, every part of you and every dream you ever had. Because I promise you that the Life He has for you is better than any you could imagine for yourself. Living in God's will does not insure ease or outward comforts and happiness. But God can give you a lifetime of peace, joy and love that no one else can ever give.
My darling daughter, I love you! You are jewel and a princess of the Most High King of Kings. Please, never forget that!!

Back to Real Life!

We are back and had a great time with my parents in New Mexico! My only regret? I forgot my power cords for all of my cameras!! So I got two pictures of the whole week! ARRGH!














We got to have a little family birthday party for FaithLyn. She had a great time! Nana and Papa got her some skates and a Cinderella doll. FUN! She opened the skates and said, "I have been wanting some skates for my birthday!" It was really cute and it made Nana and Papa's day!
We had a great time in Cloudcroft. The only big thing we did was go to the Alamogordo Zoo. Which can't really be qualified as a big thing. But the girls really had a good time. It rained just about every afternoon so we just took it easy and lazed around. I did most of the cooking to try and earn my keep but even then it was so relaxing! I didn't have to worry about laundry or cleaning or entertaining anyone. It was beautiful! Memaw Cumbie ( sitting on the couch in the R pic) gave the girls some spending money for the trip so we went out one afternoon in a downpour to spend it. We took them to get ice cream. They felt very big buying their own treats. They also go to buy some M&M's. They also got to watch LOTS of TV. I am sure I will be paying for that this week! But what else is there to do on the top of a mountain in the rain? The rain and cool weather was much desired change for us though.
Now it's back to the normal schedule and normal life. Being away from Dan was the hardest it has ever been for me. He let me know just how much of a difference we make for him. It was really nice to feel needed. I am so glad that he didn't do better with us gone! I was a little worried that we might have become another responsibility. But I should have known better than that! Dan is the best and he truly does live out the love of Christ for us. Being away gave me two things, 1. It gave me a much needed break from the rat race. 2. It gave me a new found desire to do everything possible to make life easier, better and more fun for Dan.
I love being a wife and mom. It is such an important job and I am so blessed that I get to make that my focus!

Off to New Mexico!

WooWHOO! I am off to spend the week with my parents! We are going this Sunday to spend a few days at Cloudcroft, NM. It's supposed to be in the mid60's and raining! Sounds perfect to me! Hope you all are having a good week and if you think of Dan give him a call and make sure he is surviving. When I am gone he eats PB&J or peanut butter crackers. That's going to be a lot of crackers!! But I am sure he will stay busy with work and class. I'll let you all know how it goes!

Minister's Wives Class

Last night was my second class to help me learn to be a minister's wife. I tell you, everything has been going against me liking this class, well, except for the free childcare! But last week, my kids weren't signed up for childcare and I wasn't signed up for the class. URGH! Do you know how long it takes to get three kids to three seperate classrooms and hand off bags and give instructions? But I persevered. I filled out ANOTHER childcare sheet and thought I would try again this week.

Last night they did have my kiddos signed up for childcare but my name was not on the list! URGH! So I filled out another registration sheet and this time I handed it to Dr. Stovall, the director of Women's Studies. SO next week if I am not on the list I am done! But, despite the loss of my registration I really enjoyed the class last night. The topic was Marriage. The speaker was dynamic and very, very, happy. SHe started off by giving a little background of the Trinity. God the Father, the Son, and The Holy Spirit. She outlined their unity and their diversity. Then she took Genesis 2 and outlined God's creation of marriage and what it was before sin. So we got a good look at what God intended marriage to be. She pointed out the seperate roles of Adam and Eve. It was really interesting. Some things I had heard before but most of this teaching was eye-opening to me! Don't get me wrong I understand the importance of submission but now I have a whole new appreciation for my role as a woman, submission and all!! I still may not always like it and I am sure my "desire will be for my husband, and he shall rule over me." Gen. 3:16 In other words, I will still want to be in charge but that doesn't change the fact that Dan is!

We talked about how Marriage is meant to portray the image of God. Man and woman both portray different characteristics of the trinity. We become one and compliment each other. SO when Jerry McGuire (Tom Cruise) said " You complete me," He was theologically sound! I wonder what he would say to that?!!

Anyway, I took really good notes so I would love to talk to with you about this! SHe also gave some insight into why God hates divorce and homosexuality. The whole three hours just flew by and I really enjoyed every minute of it!

I have a book to recommend if you are contemplating your role as a wife, The Excellent Wife. I can't remember the author and I can't find my copy but this book will knock your socks off! It was very challenging to me. I would recommend it for any wife, new or old, who is seeking God's best for your marriage, life or family.

More catch-up Pics!

Luke and Olivia were due one day apart. But Olivia decided to come a whole month early! We got to have a birthday party together anyway! Here we have Olivia and Luke in their birthday hats and playing with the birthday loot! FL and Elise loved it just as much as Luke and Olivia.


This was Luke's first taste of cake! I think he liked it! I can't tell you how fun it is to live close enough to family to get together for family events like this! Isn't he sweet!?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIMI!!!

Bill and Diana are spending this weekend with David and Ellen in DC. They are going to visit Aunt Judy tomorrow and see her new townhouse!! I also hear AUnt Judy just got a promotion!! Congrats! I am only a little jealous!! We miss you guys!! Hope you have fun and we wish so much that we could be there with you celebrating this special day!!!

WE LOVE YOU MIMI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!