My Little Packer

I have some pretty good help packing. It is coming along pretty slowly and most of the stuff ends up with drool all over it but we have a good time. It may be a while before you hear from me again. We would covet your prayers during this craziness. Diana arrives on Friday to take the girls. Pray for her as well. FaithLyn is REALLY excited and Elise is a little nervous. Hope all are enjoying the summer!! Can't wait!!

Still Not Packing!

Only 10 days to go until our pack out date and not ONE box has been packed. What's wrong with me? I can't even clean my house. Part of me keeps saying, "Who cares!" Then the other part of me is screaming, "HELLO! Do know what today is? Are you ever going to clean that bathroom?" The one thing I am really ashamed of is the fact that Dan has been working so hard to finish things up well at the office and I can't even get the bathroom cleaned! He is so worn out from getting everything in order and then coming home and looking for jobs on the internet or contacting people. He has really been diligent about being ready to go. I wish I could say the same thing. I am really excited about being in Fort Worth, I just don't want to have to do the work to get us there. So I am at the hotel helping when I am not needed instead of cleaning my house or cleaning out drawers and packing boxes!!

I have done all the work to make sure things will be ready for us in Fort Worth. We will have electricity, water, and a phone. I am able to think about that part of the move but my brain has some kind of disconnect when it comes to actually getting ready to leave here. I am sure that there is some deep seeded emotional reason that this is going on. It couldn't just be me being lazy. Could it?

You would think that with only two weeks to get ready to move things would hopping around here but it's just life as usual. . .sort of. Olivia is loving eating on her own!! She has five really sharp teeth and she chomps on everthing!! This afternoon I gave her a couple of arrowroot cookies and she was so happy!! She still has a hard time with controling her saliva but, hey! One thing at a time. It's a shame you can't see her teeth behind all that mashed up cookie and drool! She has a really adorable gap! I think she just keeps getting cuter! I am a little partial, though.

The girls got their "Texas" haircuts today. It was really hard for me to have FaithLyn's hair cut! It was so long and cute but I think it will be a lot healthier now. She only agreed to have it cut when I told her we probably wouldn't be able to put in ponytails anymore. Hmmm. . . We didn't get it cut quite that short but Elise's is pretty short. They look so different but still our cute little girls. I think shorter hair will help the girls adapt to the heat in Texas a little more quickly. You may think that is crazy but it has been in the 50's for the last 3 weeks !! It got up to 70 today (in the sun) and we all ran outside to catch a little of the heat. We still have the heater on in the house! My whole body is going to go into shock!! I am sure the girls won't even notice a difference. Here's to another day of not packing!!

Great News!!

First, I want to share the great praise I was alluding to a couple of days ago. My sister-in-law Ellen is PREGNANT!!! WHOO HOO!! Praise God! Since it's not really my news to share I had to wait until she posted her news first. We have been praying for God to bless Ellen with a baby since FaithLyn was born. With every baby I had it made our relationship a little harder. It was so hard to see Ellen hurting and not have any clue how to help her other than pray. I went from trying to hard to help to backing off to much. I have to admit I could in no way even begin to understand what she was going through. It was so hard to see her hurt and know that my joy in motherhood caused her pain. Not because she didn't love my kids, Aunt Ellen is a really wonderful Aunt and the girls love her! It just hurt because they were a reminder of what she so desperately wanted. It was bittersweet for her and for me as well.

Over Thanksgiving Ellen miscarried while she was here visiting. It was so painful, but God gave me a renewed passion for praying for my dear sister and so somehow, I feel so connected to David and Ellen in their joy. I have no right and I am not at all claiming any of God's praise or deserved glory. But prayer connects you to people, even if they don't feel that connection. This pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle and you should go check out her blog at www.dabragdonfamily.blogspot.com. I don't want to steal her thunder but I know some of you know of their struggle with infertility and I hope you will be blessed by their testimony.
Congratulations David and Ellen!! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! God, Your goodness takes my breath away!!

My next good news will pale in comparison but it good to me! The Yard Sale is tomorrow and Dan just loaded up all our stuff and took it to the place where our community yard sale will be. Free at Last! Free at Last!! Thank God Almighty I am Free at Last! My dear friends Katie and Shelly helped last night to get everything priced. A job that would have taken me all day and night was done in about an hour and a half! Thanks Katie and Shelly!! You gals are the BEST! I just have to finish up a few more projects around the house and then it will be time to start packing!! Can you believe that in three weeks we will be in Texas!! I am getting very excited. . . for this whole thing to be OVER!! I am a wreck! I cry about everything, FaithLyn has wet the bed 4 nights out of 6! Last night I just got mad at her when she came in my room at 4 in the morning! If she could come get me why couldn't she make it to the bathroom??? I came back to my senses and realized, with Dan's help, that the girls are probably feeling my stress and it effects them too.
Even though I realize this I am still crabby and weepy. It feels a lot like being pregnant and it is almost as tiring and stressful as delivery. But when I am done with this move I get to sleep at night and my body will be automatically back to normal. Sorry Erin and Mandy and Ellen, it won't be so easy for you, but it will be MUCH more rewarding.
Erin Gerlt called yesterday mid-breakdown. It was a Godsend. Thank You Erin, for hearing me out. I am not sure I was making much sense but I sure felt better after you called. For a few minutes anyway! I usually work best under stress but this is too much for me!! I am an emotional wreck! Yes, even more than usual. But in my weakness, God is strong. I am counting on that!!

The Bunk Bed

The girls got Bunk Beds!! They love them and I have been promising a picture for a while. Here they are. We have already played fort and gotten in trouble more times than I can count. Elise is having a hard time following the rules, but what else is new? FaithLyn fell off the top bunk one of the first nights but only because we had to leave some of the side panels off because they were broken. They have since been replaced and she is much more careful while she is NOT going to sleep at night like she should. Elise often gets lost in her huge bed and we have had a few really scary middle-of-the-night episodes thanks to a lost "snuggle bunny". Elise's snuggle bunny is her beloved sleep prop. It was touch and go there for a while but thankfully we were able to pull snuggle bunny from the depths of the bed. I am so glad that the girls like to play on the bunk beds because it may take up all of the room in the girls bedroom! Oh well, they sure are cute aren't they?

My Provider, My God

I just realized how corny the title for my last post was!! SORRY! I could make lots of excuses but the truth is. . . I am a little corny and I am tired of pretending. Confession is SOO good for the soul!! ANYWAY. . .My real reason for posting is SOOO much more EXCITING!!

I haven't shared much about this because it isn't my story to tell and because of that I am going to have to be really obscure until this loved one leaks the news herself. All I can say is that our God is the God of MIRACLES!! I can't wait to share with you the details of this miracle because it is SOO cool! Let's just say Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!

Oh and one more answer to prayer. Dan and I have always been a one car family. It has always worked out for us. Well, we had two cars for a while and then I smashed our little red car into a tree trying to drive up our steep icy driveway. That was about one year that we had two cars so it doesn't really count, does it? But, we realized that in Fort Worth one car just might not cut it. Especially if Dan gets a job that is more than four blocks away, which is very likely. I also realized that if we only have one car then I can't go visit my parents and sister when ever I want. What good is it to be in the same state with family if you can't visit? So Dan and I started talking about it and we decided to think about another vehicle. We both felt led to wait and pray for God to provide. Well Dan's brother David and his wife Ellen are moving to D.C. for a year. David is going to clerk for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas for a year. VERY COOL!Well they have two cars and only need one for the year. They offered to let us use their car while they are in Washington D.C. God is so good!! We had thought about a motorcycle since they are more fuel efficient but I was secretly praying that God would provide something else. And He did!! I am not shocked or even surprized that God has provided for our needs, I am just so thankful that He is providing for the desires of my heart. God is so Good!!

The Muddled Musings of a Moving Momma

Sorry I have been so silent. I have so much to process right now and frankly, I am a mess. Life is happening each day and most of our everyday chores get done. But my head is so full of things that need to happen and things that I can't yet take care of that I just can't even think. Here is the update. This weekend we have our community wide yard sale. Then about 2 weeks to pack things up. We have a few leads on job opportunities. There are a couple of ministry positions we could really get excited about. We are trying to gaurd our hearts until the Lord leads more definitely. We are hoping to serve in church ministry. You can keep your eyes and ears open for us if you like. We would like to serve in Youth, College, Singles, Children, Family, or as an Associate Pastor. We really don't know what God has in store for us but we are patiently seeking. This search has been much more hopeful than our last job search. Which only means we have actually heard from some of the places we have applied.

I have no doubt in my mind that God has a perfect job for Dan. We feel like working in a church while we are going through Seminary would be valuable to us. We want a place to work out the head knowledge and make it heart knowledge immediately. You may not all agree with us but it just seems to make sense to us. Dan has to work, we love ministry, we minister together well as a family, we can get paid to do this and we love it. It just seems to fit. But we realize that God may have different plans for us and that is exciting too. I have been seriously exploring the option of taking care of some kids to help supplement our income. I can take in up to 3 kids besides my own and not have to go through all the red tape. I am trying to be realistic about this and it isn't my ideal situation but it gives us some options. This is pretty far down on the list. I don't want to do something that will be detrimental to my own children just for the sake of a few more dollars.

I have to admit, the stress is getting to me. I am not scared about moving to Fort Worth, I am not worried that things won't work out or we won't be taken care of. I am just stressed out about the actual move. I think the most frustrating thing is that I just keep thinking about all the things I need to do but I can't really do them yet. SO I keep making lists and crunching numbers and trying to think things through. On the up side, the last time we moved I was way more scared!! It seems funny that last time it was just Dan and I and FaithLyn was on the way. We were living with Dan's parents and had absolutely NO job leads. God took such good care of us but for a while there I was scared out of my mind!! This time, we have three beautiful little girls we are responsible for and I am not worried in the least! God has proven himself faithful and I am so excited to see how He will take care of us this time.

Some people have a hard time understanding how Dan and I do things. We must seem very irresponsible to most people. Every BIG decision we have made up to now has been crazy in the world's eyes. But one of the things that I fell in love with about Dan 8 years ago is his unshakable faith and trust in the Lord.

So those are my thoughts. I am excited, nervous, emotional, tired, hopeful, sad, uncertain, and sure all at the same time. If you are in Texas, we can't wait to get there and spend time with you. If you are here with us at WSS, well, my heart hurts to think about not being a part of your life anymore. It is hard to understand how all of these emotions fit together but they do, perfectly. Right now I live among people who have made moving an art! I have a lot to learn and I am making some progress but I have a long way to go.

Our New Home

I said that I would post a picture of the house we will be moving to and today is that day! I am only posting a close shot of the house because I don't want my parents or Dan's parents to worry when they see the neighborhood! It's not really that bad but they will see it soon enough!
And Erin, as far as the barrio goes. . . YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET! My friend Erin Gerlt posted on her blog about living in the Barrio. You should look at her blog and rad the comments for the entry "So it's no Secret..." http://gerlthouse.blogspot.com/ A friend of hers commented on some standards for a neighborhood to be considered the Barrio. Well, let me just say we will be residing in THE BARRIO!! I am really looking forward to starting our life there no matter what the neighborhood is like. It can't be much worse than where we lived in Abilene. Technically it could but we won't dwell on that thought.
*The baby in the picture is Hudson Taylor Clayman.*
This house is even better than we thought!! Christopher forgot to mention that the kitchen has a dishwasher!! Praise The LORD!! It doesn't take much to make me giddy but any Mom of small children with a husband would join in my song of joy for a dishwasher! The bedrooms are pretty small but I am just so thankful to have three! The livingroom is . . . small. But we will take it! And a garage!! I never even thought to dream of a garage! I have started to decorate the rooms and fill all of the closets and storage space already. I am sure you women can relate. The house is our domain, and darn it if we just can 't help ourselves!!

Oh and by the way. . . Chris and Nichole and their son, Hudson Taylor Clayman are leaving this month to start West African Outreach/New York City. They will be moving to Harlem the middle of this month and if you would like to help with prayer or support or just contact Chris before or during their move let me know and I can give you his email or phone number. I think he would kill me if I put his personal info here for the whole cyber world! I am really excited about what they are doing. If you know anything about Chris and Nichole you know that they have a great passion to minister to West Africans. And more specifically natives of Mali. Chris did some missionary work in Mali a few years ago and some health concerns have kept him from returning overseas. It has been so amazing to see how God has directed Chris and Nichole to this ministry despite all the seemingly large roadblocks that kept popping up along the way. It just goes to show you that God is more powerful than any circumstances and sometimes He even uses hard things to take us where He wants us! Please pray for them as they serve God in this exciting next step!
They have to raise their own support and I know that my God owns the cattle on a thousand hills but we are often called to be His hands and feet!!

You Don't Have to Clear Out Your Guestroom!

HOORAY! We have recieved our housing assignment for Seminary. Those of you who offered to let us live with you thank you, but you are off the hook. Chris Clayman, our soon to graduate Seminary attending friend, has offered to go and take pictures for us, inside and out! SO we will all know what we are getting in to soon enough. I will post more about this blessing when I know more. For now just know that God is so good!! He knows the desires of our hearts and He is so GOOD! OK, I'll tell you a little.

It's a three bedroom, 1 & 1/2 bath house. It has a back yard, a garage AND, now this is the big one, washer/dryer hook-ups!! I have been preparing myself for coin laundry so this is such a huge blessing!! That's only the tip of my enthusiasm, I'll spill more enthusiasm later!!

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

OH MY GOODNESS! I have been so busy with all three girls that I haven't even had time to want Olivia to grow up. I like her being dependant on me because that means she only goes where I take her. Do you see what she did tonight? She isn't crawling yet, but it won't take long! Do you see that look in her eyes? It's all over for me! Trouble is about to start crawling around my house!

How do I know she is trouble? Two reasons: 1. You can see it written all over her face. 2. She got up on her knees 3 times tonight. The first time she just did it. The next two times she did it because we asked her to and she liked the attention she got for performing.

SO take FaithLyn's eagerness to please and Elise's stubborn independance and you have our third child, Olivia. Lord, Help Us!

Discipline

I was reading Erin's blog and she was answering a friend's blog. I was very interested in the topic and it got me thinking. Erin's friend Jamie asked everyone to post about their understanding of discipline. I don't know how to make links so you'll have to go to GerltHouse to check out Erin's blog and Jamie's is Embracing My Lot. It's definitely worth a look up.

We get so many chances to hear so many Godly speakers here at WSS. This is just a breeding ground for spiritual growth. We get all the good parts of the Body of Christ and only a very few of the hard stuff. I was listening in on a lady's retreat one time and this was one of the stories the speaker told. She grew up Southern Baptist(Not a kick in the pants for Baptists just the story she told) and with that learned a deep reliance on discipline. When she didn't get a chance to have her quiet time she felt like she had failed God. She would beat herself up for failing and ruin her whole day. A close friend who happened to be some other demonination asked her, Don't you realize that God doesn't love you any less just because you didn't get in the Word today!? That story was an AHA!! moment for me. I have always known that God's love wasn't dependant on my actions but somewhere along the line I decided it made more sense to my human mind to only get as much love as I deserve. The only flaw in that theory is that I don't DESERVE any love. With out Christ I am nothing but a sinner. For so many years I have been either hot or cold in my disciplines. I am right on track with what I "should" be doing and then something happens to throw my schedule and I feel guilty and get burdened with guilt and just quit altogether because I don't want to merely "ACT" out of guilt. It is a vicious ridiculous cycle.

The last few years have given me a new perspective. I want with all my heart to WANT Christ more than anything else. I don't want to depend on a schedule or certain acts of obedience to love my Savior. That part of my is the reason I fight against schedules and routine. I want to love Him so much that I crave being in His presence. The reality is that I am a Wife and Mom. I am a Mom to a 3 yr. old, a 2 yr. old and a nursing 9 mo. old. That should indicate my great need for the Lord right there!! Once the girls get up our house is like a whirlwind until they are back in bed for the night. You see the key to discipline is desire. With out desire discipline is only rules. Rules aren't worth much if you don't understand why you are following them. Rules are pretty oppressive if they are just for the sake of having rules.

God has shown Dan and I some pretty unhealthy habits in our lives over the last few years. Out of a desire to eliminate the unhealthy patterns in our lives that seperate us from God we have set up some guidelines. Now remember, discipline with out desire is just rules and who needs more rules to follow anyway? But these guidelines are set up to help Dan and I have victory over the areas in our life that tend to hold us captive. These rules, guidelines, disciplines, what ever you call them are taking us one step closer to freedom and unity with our Lord. When we start to lose our desire for these standards we take a step back and reevaluate. Here is an example. I have a love-hate relationship with food. I love it and eat it for all the wrong reasons. I hate that I think about food all the time, what am I going to eat, what will be for dessert? I want to be free from this obsession with food because it affects so many other parts of my life. So, I am trying to limit my eating. One dessert a week, one Dr. Pepper a week, and smaller portions at meals, Healthy snacks. We went on vacation not long ago and we decided to go without the food restrictions for the week. The first few days I was shaky from too much sugar. But by the end of the week I was back to craving Dr. Pepper and sugary treats after every meal. When we got home life was crazy! There were other factors that added to the craziness but I felt like I was starting all over again with my eating issues. EXCEPT I knew where I had been and couldn't just jump right back to that place and I resented it! It was a slow start up process to get going again but when I did get going I was able to see despite the set back some of my new eating habits didn't change through the "off" period. SO even though I was starting over I wasn't starting from the same place. I have come to realize that those undisciplined times don't have to be desert times. They serve a purpose too. Now I am not saying just throw out all the disciplines and see how things go, but it is a cycle that leads us on a slow upward slope.

I used to look back on my time in college, pre-marriage, as my spritual mountain in life. But now I know that that high place was only a foot hill. And even though I don't have hours to study the word I have a maturity and knowledge of life that gives new depth to my relationship with the Lord. He is so Faithful!! Even when I don't make it a point to get up at 6 and read my chapters, He is still willing to meet with me. He comes to me!! WOW! To be pursued by the creator of the Universe while I am doing the umpteenth load of laundry, or picking up little tiny shoes for the tenth time, or trying to convince myself that McDonald's offers healthy choices for life, now that is humbling!

I think the most important thing I have learned about discipline is humilty. No matter what I do, it is still my God who pursues ME. And He will, no matter what I do. But I want to do what ever I can to be ready for Him. I want to be sensitive to the Spirit and be listening when He is ready to meet with me. If I am being "disciplined" for any other reason then it's all just rules!

Happy Easter!

How come the holidays that are supposed to mean the most, spiritually, that is, end up being the most frustrating? I already know the answer to that question. It is rhetorical.

The reason my blessed Easter morning went south is because of the expectations that I put on myself and my family. Every one is supposed to look nice on Easter morning so we got up and I fed Olivia while the girls looked at their goodies in their baskets. Thanks Nana and Mimi! Then we hopped into the tub for a fast bath. Did I mention that I got ready before the girls even got up. I just had to change into my Easter clothes. What could possibly make me late? I have almost 2 hours to bathe everyone and get dressed. Well, Olivia didn't get to take a bath. And we were still late for breakfast at the hotel. Then, when I got to the hotel there were no parking spots and I had to leave the van running and take the girls in and leave them with Dan, while he is trying to lead the meal, and go park the car. There was one parking spot left but someone whom shall remain nameless, parked his motorcycle just so that no one else could park in the staff parking. Which really wouldn't have mattered because I was late. SO I am walking into the dinning room with my hands full while breakfast is starting and everyone wants to stop and chat about how nice everyone looks. NO ONE offers to take one of the children I am holding, just chat. By the time I get the car parked and get seated at a table I am able to remove the scowl that has been plastered there for, oh, I'd say at least the last hour, and after collecting myself, enjoy a nice Easter breakfast of peach french toast and egg bake.

I have learned an important lesson while serving here at WSS. Holidays are stressful if you have expectations for them! What difference does it really make if everyone gets a bath on Easter Sunday? Who really cares if you don't get a family picture on EASTER? Take one the next day or the next Sunday. Today I cared and it ruined my morning! The day turned out to be a wonderful day but only after I was able to let go of my stupid need for control and perfection. I am learning, slowly, that life is much more enjoyable when the people you love are more important than the expectations you put on them.

Some of you who know how helpful Dan is with the girls might be asking where he was during this craziness. He left the house at 6:30 for the Sunrise service and was helping with the meal. Things always go much more smoothly when he is around. I am just thankful I didn't have to get everyone ready for that!!

Hope you all were able to enjoy and reflect on the gift that Jesus gave us when he was willing to lose His life inorder to gain eternal life for us all. Happy Easter!

The SIX Week Good-Bye

Look at these two girls and tell me they aren't the sweetest girls you have seen, at least today. On Wednesday we woke up and got ready for the day. We had to actually get ready because we had company coming to lunch. It was a beautiful warm day so we put on FaithLyn's little capri set my Mom sent for Christmas. FaithLyn said, "Mom, can Elise wear hers, too, and we can be matchy-matchy?" How could I say no? Then we went to get everyones hair done and in a moment of divine inspiration I desided to coax FL into letting me braid her hair. She was just to cute! Since Elise wants to look, say, and do everything exactly like FL we braided her's, too.

Why all the fuss? We had an interview lunch with the couple Dan and I are hoping to come and replace us here at the Springs. I didn't really think much about this until Tuesday morning when I went down into the basement for something and I realized they were probably going to want to see the house. This house will be there home if they take the position. It would be a good idea for everyone to walk through their home every once in a while and try to look at it like you have never been there before. Because when I did this, remembering that Joe and Heike(like Nike) would be coming, I was sent into a panic! Now let's take a small break to say that I was definitely over reacting. I am known to be a bit dramatic. But it was enough to enlist the help of the girls to do some quick tidying up.

I love this house! Unfortunately, I have learned that if you live in a large space, no matter how much or how little stuff you start out with, you will end up filling up the space you have! My house isn't cluttered, but when you have room to store things. . .well, you do. I found so much junk down in the basement. When I say junk I mean plastic bags and baby gift bags and lots of JUNK! We then moved upstairs and I cleaned off all the cluttered flat areas and then moved to my bookshelves. Our house has these two great big, really nice, built in book shelves. We own one small 3 foot book shelf. Enough said. But I did experience another break through while I was going through the books on the shelves. I realized that it was time to get rid of my college English and Speech books. As hard as it was for me to admit, I don't need them and who knows when or if I ever will again. Sniff. It was a sad moment but I recovered quite quickly. Purging is always so freeing for me. Anyway, All this to say I got a little crazy. The last effort I made to make the house more presentable was to wash off all of the cabinets and appliances in the kitchen. We had all kinds of unidentifiable. . . um, stuff dripping down those cabinets! The saddest thing about looking at my house with a new set of eyes was that it seemed dirty. Not just we didn't clean this week dirty, but "how do you people live like this" dirty. It's amazing how just a few hours of work remedied that situation. It's the little things that make a big difference.

Moving on, the day of the interview came and lunch was great. Dan and I were able to answer all of their questions honestly and openly. They looked at the house and made comments like, "Wow! These rooms are so big!" "I can't believe how big this house is!" "It sure is going to be hard for you guys to move to an apartment." They never mentioned the stained carpet, the walls needing a new coat of paint, the trashy flower beds, or any of the other things I couldn't get to before they came. I am really excited about this couple. My only regret is that we won't get to serve here with them. God willing, they will bring some great things to this ministry that Dan and I couldn't.

Some of you might be wondering why I freaked out about the state of the house. Let me explain. When we moved to the Springs to serve we lived in a suite on the second floor of the hotel. We had to use the hotel kitchen downstairs and we couldn't watch movies when people were staying in the hotel. One of the closets was going to be FaithLyn's nursery. It was prepared for her arrival. (Don't get me wrong, there were LOTS of great things about living in the hotel. But that's not what I am talking about.) Two weeks before FaithLyn's birth we were offered to move in here at "The Meadows". The family that lived here before us took very good care of this home and it was in excellent shape for us. This home has been one of God's perfectly timed blessings for us. I wasn't worried that Joe and Heike would discover my poor housekeeping skills. I was afraid they wouldn't see the tremendous amount of God's blessings that would be passed on to them through this house. I shouldn't have been worried. I am not the vehicle for ditribution of that blessing. The house speaks for itself. I also was afraid that my unexplainable gratitude and love for this house would not be seen if it didn't look cared for. A house is a big responsibility. A house the size of ours is a HUGE responsibility. I don't know why God chose to bless Dan and I with a house like this for our starter house but I do know that we have learned so much and I will never forget this blessing. I am comforted in knowing that if this is how God has blessed us here then I can't wait to see
what is around the corner.

The whole two day interview process was very long and emotional for me. I was very niave about how it would affect me. The thing that took me most by surprise though was the fact that this event started in motion a grieving process for everyone. I knew I would grieve in leaving this place. I thought everyone else would wait until we left to say goodbye. I am not sure if I am being overly sensitive or not but I feel a little tension with the other ministry team members. Perhaps it is just me trying to let go so that I am ready to leave or vice versa. But either way it has already begun. Dan is numb to this process that is so new to me. My only prayer is that in learning how to connect and disconnect in order to move with military life I hope I do not limit my relationships and emotions. I don't want to protect myself so well that I miss the deeper blessings that these hardships bring. I know God can turn everything that Satan means for harm into someting good and beautiful. Beauty from ashes, right? Well, I am willing to step into the purifying flames because I know Jesus is there waiting to walk with me through them.
Ok, I got a little overly dramatic again but, hey, that's just me!

Now it is Easter weekend!! Enough of this talk about endings. This weekend is about beginings! I never truly understood the beauty of Easter until we lived here. Why don't we make a bigger deal about it? This is the BIG ONE! Life everlasting, Christ ressurected, ALIVE!! Man, it makes me excited! I have goosebumps. Do you have goosebumps? HE IS ALIVE! Do you realize that? How long has it been since you really thought about what that means? WOW! HAPPY EASTER, ALL!

Life is in the Air

Living in the North has given me a new appreciation for the seasons. Here we actually have all 4 seasons! You know all those sayings you learned about the seasons and months? April showers bring May flowers. March comes in like lion out like a lamb. Well the people that created those must have lived in Pennsylvania. Growing up in Texas I always wondered which flowers were the special May flowers because anything that was going to bloom usually blooms in early March or April. The flowers are just starting to bloom here and by flowers I mean spring flowers like daffodils and crocus. The lilac bushes are just now starting to bud new leaves. And they won't bloom until late May. I find myself getting antsy waiting for the new life of spring. It is so fitting that spring actually takes place with Easter. Isn't Easter about the hope of life everlasting?

My first Easter here in Pennsylvania I was really sad because I had to wear my coat!! Everyone was wearing gloves and scarves for the Easter sunrise service. The next year it even snowed! I grew up wearing sundresses to the Easter egg hunts not sweaters! But I have grown to appreciate these seasons and fear that I will soon grow sick of the Texas heat. It is so different here. Here you know it is finally spring time when you rush outside because the sun is finally shining and you have to catch every moment you can. You usually see more of the moon than you do the sun. You stop changing your plans because of the rain and you learn the fine art of grilling in a downpour. At least that is what I have learned from the gift of the seasons.

Growing up in Texas I got about two weeks of fall and two weeks of spring. And it never rained! Since my dad was a farmer rain was a reason to celebrate and because I helped my dad on the farm my sister and I often prayed for rain and even participated in a few rain dances. Now the rain is like an annoying neighbor that has lived next door for so long that you live together in a comfortable state of annoyance. You always complain about them but as soon as they go anywhere you immeditely miss them. There have actually been times, living here, that I have prayed for the rain to go away and come again another day. Never for my own benefit, of course! Usually because Dan is out leading a Jr. AO! and it always rains on Jr. AO! This weekend was no exception.

But today. . .today the sun is shining and there is just a touch of green around the edges of the world. My world. Even though it is in the 50's, which by the way is winter in Texas, it is a perfect day for a walk and a BBQ! It is the kind of day that makes you feel alive, really alive. All the worries that kept you awake last night don't seem so worrisome in the bright sunshine. Nothing seems bad in the beauty of God's magnificent creation. I mean just take a moment to think about the fact that the earth is coming back to life! Just like our Savior did two thousand years ago. It makes my heart skip a beat! Spring and Fall. Those are my two favorite seasons!! You know dying is just as beautiful as rebirth. If you don't know it's because you have lived in West Texas all your life and have never seen a true Fall. You probably haven't had much experience with trees either. It will take your breath away just as Spring with cause you to take in a deep slow breath of life.

If you don't have time to experience this miracle then YOU ARE TO BUSY!!! GO outside and breathe LIFE!

Updates and Add-ons

There are a few details I forgot to mention about our vacation.
I forgot to tell you that on Tuesday I went for my second tanning session. About 4 or 5 hours later I noticed an uncomfortable pain all over my body! Needless to say I cancelled my next two tanning sessions and didn't get to go for my massage and facial. I can't tell you how silly I felt! But the pain is gone and all of the parts of my body that no one will ever see are a nice golden brown.
I also forgot to mention that my shopping trip was inspired by way to many episodes of TLC's show "What Not To Wear". The only purchase I am regretting are the pointy toed brown heels I bought. I only regret those because I think I might have bought them a half size to small. The hosts on the TV show always stress buying the right sizes, I guess I got a little carried away by the sale.

Just so you know where I am spiritually and what I am dealing with right now I'll tell you a few things I am mulling over.
Dan and I have been discussing what kind of work he should look for when we get to Ft. Worth. We aren't worrying, at least I am not, yet, but just thinking through our options. Dan would really like to find a job that utilizes the skills he has developed here. I said, OK, let's find a church where you can serve as a college minister. I am not sure that is exactly what he had in mind but it is still an option. He wants to start an Adventure Guide business and work with churches. There are numerous options, some others are: gutter cleaning, window washing, landscaping. All of which, I pointed out, would need a truck in order to make happen. Dan will do well with what ever God places him in, But we are just praying and planning right now. I know God has a plan and I am very open to what ever it is and at this point I am not in a crazy rush to find out. We'll talk in a few months and the story may be different.

I was reading Proverbs this morning and these verses just popped out at me and has stuck with me all day, "The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty." Proverbs 21:5 and "A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor." Proverbs 22:9 These two particular verses grabbed me because I think Dan is honoring God in both of these and they give me uspeakable comfort and peace. I know that Dan will be diligent in providing for us and he is so very generous! I have learned so much from him about giving to others. I have always loved to share what I have and I have been so blessed to be united with someone who shares my passion and even exceeds it! I know that in a few months we will be in a new economical situation. But I dare not say we are poor! In the eyes of the government we are poor right now. But I have never been so blessed financially or any other way. So I feel certain that our new circumstances will not change the heart of my husband for others. That makes my heart swell with gratitude to the Lord for such a husband. I am also thankful that he is planning looking forward but not so much that he is missing the here and now. It is fine balance. I am sure you bread winners out there understand the balance much better than I. At a time when I should be getting more and more nervous about the instability of our future my Lord is giving me an overwhelming sense of calm and peace. Our world is so busy and fretful any way, I am thankful to not have to join that busyness just yet.
May the peace of God's assurance and provision rest on you all this day and always.

Vacation 2006

What a week! We had the best time despite the cold that we all shared and the late nights up with coughing children. Let me start from the beginning.
We got there late Friday night just in time to get everyone in bed by 10:00. The next day started earlier than Dan expected. He woke up to find Elise trying to open the door and walk outside. Thank goodness we deadbolted the door! Just a side note: the first night of vacation in a new place isn't the best time to allow your 2 yr. old to sleep for the first time in a "big girl bed". Several hours later Dan came back to bed. I woke up thinking someone was breaking in to the house!
Saturday Dan took the girls for a swim in the gigantic jacuzzi tub in one of the bathrooms. Then we waited for Dan's high school friend Stephen Burden and his family to come for a visit. We had a great time. Stephen and Kendra have two daughters, Skyler, 5 and Haven, 2. The girls had a really great time playing together and I had a great time getting to know Kendra. It was a lot of fun and another late night for the girls.
We debated whether or not we should go to church but decided against it. Instead we slept in and made sure the girls got good naps. That night we went in to Harrisonburg to visit Dan's cousins, Keith and Kim Sandum and Ian. Kim took me to the Green Valley Book Fair. Ok, imagine a child walking into Toys-R-Us and someone telling that child that for today only everything is only $1. That's how I felt walking into this place! I found all kinds of great books I haven't been able to find anywhere else and none of them were more than six dollars!! While I was at the book fair Dan was being schooled on Dance Dance Revolution. We had a great visit with Keith, Kim and Ian.
Monday I went for my first tanning session. Then I took the girls to the real swimming pool and let Dan rest. That afternoon I got a pedicure and Dan took the girls swimming at a different pool. Then Dan's high school friend, Dave, came for dinner and a visit. It was great to catch up.
Tuesday we visited the Harrisonburg Children's Museum. It was a 100% hands on kids museum. It wasn't very big but it was so Great!! They had a garden that the kids could dig in. A market they could shop at, a full kitchen, child size, a barn, a small house in various stages of being built, a theater with lights, costumes, and make-up center, and a station where you just take things apart. There was a broken printer and other things that you could just tear apart. It was the best! The girls had a great time. Then spent a quiet evening at home.
Wednesday we went to the WaterPark! What fun!! Besides the fact that we spent only four hours total at the park it was a great time! We went for 2 hours in the morning, all of which we spent at the Frog Pond. The frog pond is the toddler area with bouncy chairs for babies and a two foot frog slide. We went home for nap time and came back to spend 2 more hours at the frog pond. Dan and I took turns going on other rides but it just wasn't as fun without anyone to scream with. We had a good time and the girls had a great time. It was worth it.
Thursday I went shopping. All by myself. It was great! I spent lots of money and I liked it!!
The next morning we got all packed up and drove home.

The next few days have been . . . predictable. The girls are crazy, the house is a wreck, our schedule is a joke, and now Dan is gone to his Challenge Course Conference until Thursday evening.
All that aside, we had a GREAT week! It was so much fun and very well worth it!! It's good to be back home and before you know it I'll have the girls and this house whipped back into shape! It never hurts to think positively!

What a Day!

This Picture has nothing to do with my post today. I feel that if I don't put cute pictures of my kids in people will get bored with my thoughts and quit reading my blog so every once in a while I just put a cute picture at the top of my entry to get you hooked!






Four o'clock is not my idea of a good time to start the day but that's when my started none the less. Elise woke up this morning barking like a seal. She was calling for Daddy so I woke Dan and sent him to the rescue. When I heard him start up the shower my guilt got the best of me and I went in to check on them. Steam is supposed to help ease croup. So I went back to bed after Dan eased my conscience and thirty minutes later I went back to make sure all was well. To make a long story short I decided to take Elise to visit our friends at the Bedford Emergency room. I could have waited and taken her to the doctor in Altoona but . . . well this was just easier. The ER doctor gave her two breathing treatments and some oral steroids. We watched Sesame Street and Clifford and then they sent us on our way. We got home at 7:45 and I rushed around trying to get ready for the very last swim lesson. Chandra (Sammy's mom) and I take turns driving the kids to swim lessons and Thursday is my day. Dan was so great, he got everyone dressed so I could shower. We made it to swim lessons and I took Elise with us so she wouldn't make Matthew (Sammy's little brother) sick. We made it home and ate lunch then had our Ministry Team meeting. Right now I am just waiting to fall into bed. I got 7 hours of sleep last night so I feel a little silly being so tired but silly or not I am pooped!! Tonight is the real saving grace though! Mrs. Holland, a neighbor and fellow Texan, is preparing an authentic Mexican dinner for us and the Enoses (Sammy's family). Thank the Lord for small blessings. Right now it feels like a huge blessing that I don't have to cook dinner AND my dinner is going to be Mexican food!! It doesn't get much better than this.

Elise is fine by the way. Looking back I probably should have waited and taken Elise to the doctor instead of the ER but our insurance pays for the ER visit but not respiratory treatments at the doctors. Go figure.

Tomorrow is the big day. We are leaving for Massanutten tomorrow afternoon!! Try and be happy for us. We will be thinking of you all while we are at the indoor waterpark and riding bumper cars. Next time I post I will be so tired from all the relaxing we will have done I won't know what to do with myself.

What I Learned From Lemony Snicket

Ok, so I am reading Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events. I just finished book nine. These books are quick reading and surprisingly have lots of literary allusions. It's kind of like watching a movie except you are reading it. Each book takes about two or three hours to read. They are very unfortunate, but you keep hoping that something good will happen. If you haven't seen the movie that came out recently or don't know the storyline I'll fill you in. There are three children, Violet,14, the inventor, Klaus,13, the researcher, and Sunny, not yet one, the biter. Their parents were killed in a fire and left the children a large fortune. Count Olaf is trying to capture the children and take the money for himself. Until about two or three books ago the kids kept being farmed out to new gaurdians. Each gaurdian worse than the last and someone always or almost always dies. Right now the kids are running from the police because they have been framed for a murder and lots of other unfortunate events. They are forced to disguise themselves and go with Count Olaf in order to evade the police or certain death. Since the orphans have been on their own they have been forced to fend for themselves. While doing this they resort to some of the same tricks that Olaf has used to try and capture them. The longer they are in the company of Olaf and his crew the more they learn to act like them. As a reader you see the children struggle with what is happening and the dilemma they find themselves in. In order to defeat Olaf and save their lives they are forced to become like him. The only difference is that they do these things for good and he does these things for evil.

As I was thinking about these stories I thought of myself. I often feel like an orphan, alone and lost. There is someone who chases me everywhere I go trying to devour me and use me for his evil purpose. No, I am not schitzophrenic, I am talking about Satan. The only difference between me and the children in this book is that I Have been adopted into a family. MY Father, My Heavenly Father, cares for me and protects me. There is still this sinsiter character following me around to do evil in my life and try to seperate me from the love of my Father, but my Father says Do not be afraid, Be courageous, For will never leave you nor forsake you. The worst thing I can do is fall in company with the enemy. Even if I am trying to find out how to defeat him. You see the Baudelaire orphans found themselves becoming more like Olaf when they were around him and they didn't like it. My Father says set your heart on things above, not on earthly things that only last for a moment. The Baudelaire orphans in these books don't get to choose not to be orphans. You and I, we just have to ask and we are made a part of a family that will never be torn away from us. We just ask and forever we will be safe and cared for by the loving arms of our Savior. And because of that I don't have to worry about any Count Olafs out there. Oh, they're out there all right, and I will probably meet a few along the way but, I don't have to run from them and I certainly don't have to find them before they find me. I am safe and I am loved. That's all I need.

Vacation Dreaming

I took this picture on Wednesday and it is amazing to me how big the girls look! They are so sweet.

In exactly one week we are going on a family vacation! I am so very excited!! For Christmas this year Bill and Diana gave us a week at their time share. One of the best Christmas gifts ever! We are going for a week to Massanutten in Harrisonburg, VA. They have skiing, an indoor water park, and an indoor amusement center. Not to mention a pool, Kids Recreation program, and a Jacuzzi tub in our condo. We are going to have so much fun! Dan has some friends from high school that live in the area and some cousins that we are going to invite over. I can't wait!! I got busy planning the meals for the week and making all the lists of things to take. I have to take all the food and spices for the week and other kitchen things that won't be provided. SO I have a couple of lists going right now; the list for the Little Barn(our favorite discount grocery store), the list for Wal-Mart, the list for a grocery store when we get there, and the list of baby paraphernalia needed. Let me tell you a sad little secret, I really get a kick out of planning these kind of things. I am having a blast!

When I started thinking about this trip I was a little bummed that I would have to cook all week but I decided to look through one of my new cookbooks and find lots of fun things to cook and now I am really excited! Plus Dan and I decided to relax our dessert and Dr. Pepper guidelines for our vacation week. One dessert and one Dr. Pepper a day, we are living the high life! I even found a really yummy dessert to fix, Chocolate Peanut Butter Pizza. I won't tell you what all else we are planning to do and eat because I would really hate to cause you to be discontent in your upcoming week! HEHE!

But I have to get my head out of the clouds enough to get through this week. I have set some goals for the week. I would like to get the packing done (that means laundry) and clean the house before we leave so I can't slack off. This weekend we have a very large weekend. The OCF group from Carlisle, PA at the Army War College is coming in. They have 50 kids registered to come so that equals lots of fun and craziness!! Hope you are all having a fun and crazy weekend, too!

A Look in the Mirror

Today is the first day that I didn't keep my commitment to get up at 6 in the morning. I slept in until 7. I wanted to see what my day would be like with out getting up early. It wasn't that long ago that I started so I am not really sure why I forgot. But I guess logic doesn't really kick in until you actually get out of bed. Well all I have to say about my morning is. . .I'll be up at 6 tomorrow! Every thing was out of control. FaithLyn took Elises diaper off, and she was running around the house naked from the waist down! Needless to say my shower was a short one this morning. My attitude was a little off as well. I felt like I was reacting to everything rather than being proactive.

Since then I have spent time in the Word and I was reading through my journal over the past 4 years. It was so encouraging to see how God has changed me. Ultimitely, I am still the same person. I still struggle with laziness, being content, and food has always been an issue for me, but I am not where I was 4 years ago. I am a little less lazy now, I am much more content with who I am and what God has given me and not given me in life, and I am making some good progress in my attitudes toward food.

You know sometimes I feel so stuck in my skin. I cry out for God to purify my heart, to help me love Him more completely and it always feels like I am so far from what His love deserves. I realized this afternoon that no matter how He changes me I will always need Him just as much. I will always be striving for more of Him. Loving Christ isn't about getting to a certain point where you are fixed. If we could be fixed then what's the point? We are created to HUNGER for God. Until I am face to face with my Savior and Creator I will be a sinner. Right now I am forgiven, but still a sinner. Thankfully I am able to move further up and further in to the heart of God but it will not be fully revealed until Christ is fully revealed to us again. "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. . .Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." I Corinthians 13: 10, 12

Right now I am only a poor reflection of Christ's perfection but some day, when Perfection comes the imperfect will disappear. I will keep moving toward that perfection and keep reflecting His love with His power not my own. I does good to take a look at your soul in the mirror of God's heart every once in a while. It's not always pleasant. I remember when I was pregnant with FaithLyn we didn't have a full length mirror and while visiting someone I got a glimpse of my very pregnant body while changing. It was not a pleasant experience but I got a full view of what I looked like pregnant. I learned enough to know that I didn't need a full length mirror in my home, EVER!! But sometimes you need to see the full length image of your heart.

If I were to look in a full length mirror today it would still be an unpleasant experience, but I would look much different from the very pregnant Kelli. Hopefully my heart has made some changes, too. Now I know where I need to focus my attention, where my spiritual problem areas are. Just remember when you look in this mirror you are only going to see a blurry image. God sees you clearly and knows you fully and He loves what He sees!!