Today is the first day that I didn't keep my commitment to get up at 6 in the morning. I slept in until 7. I wanted to see what my day would be like with out getting up early. It wasn't that long ago that I started so I am not really sure why I forgot. But I guess logic doesn't really kick in until you actually get out of bed. Well all I have to say about my morning is. . .I'll be up at 6 tomorrow! Every thing was out of control. FaithLyn took Elises diaper off, and she was running around the house naked from the waist down! Needless to say my shower was a short one this morning. My attitude was a little off as well. I felt like I was reacting to everything rather than being proactive.
Since then I have spent time in the Word and I was reading through my journal over the past 4 years. It was so encouraging to see how God has changed me. Ultimitely, I am still the same person. I still struggle with laziness, being content, and food has always been an issue for me, but I am not where I was 4 years ago. I am a little less lazy now, I am much more content with who I am and what God has given me and not given me in life, and I am making some good progress in my attitudes toward food.
You know sometimes I feel so stuck in my skin. I cry out for God to purify my heart, to help me love Him more completely and it always feels like I am so far from what His love deserves. I realized this afternoon that no matter how He changes me I will always need Him just as much. I will always be striving for more of Him. Loving Christ isn't about getting to a certain point where you are fixed. If we could be fixed then what's the point? We are created to HUNGER for God. Until I am face to face with my Savior and Creator I will be a sinner. Right now I am forgiven, but still a sinner. Thankfully I am able to move further up and further in to the heart of God but it will not be fully revealed until Christ is fully revealed to us again. "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. . .Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." I Corinthians 13: 10, 12
Right now I am only a poor reflection of Christ's perfection but some day, when Perfection comes the imperfect will disappear. I will keep moving toward that perfection and keep reflecting His love with His power not my own. I does good to take a look at your soul in the mirror of God's heart every once in a while. It's not always pleasant. I remember when I was pregnant with FaithLyn we didn't have a full length mirror and while visiting someone I got a glimpse of my very pregnant body while changing. It was not a pleasant experience but I got a full view of what I looked like pregnant. I learned enough to know that I didn't need a full length mirror in my home, EVER!! But sometimes you need to see the full length image of your heart.
If I were to look in a full length mirror today it would still be an unpleasant experience, but I would look much different from the very pregnant Kelli. Hopefully my heart has made some changes, too. Now I know where I need to focus my attention, where my spiritual problem areas are. Just remember when you look in this mirror you are only going to see a blurry image. God sees you clearly and knows you fully and He loves what He sees!!
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