By the way I thought it was time to introduce the world to my handsome nephew!!! I can't believe that I have been so heartless to deprive you of the sight of him for so long. He is very cute, and very much bigger than my girls. In fact he is almost bigger than Elise!! Luke Thomas Ostrander is five months old and very advanced for his age!! If you don't share my ideas about this strapping young man please do not tell me. I would hate to lose a friend over such things.

It's Time Again!!

If you don't have children or only have 2 children let me enlighten you as to what shopping is like with 3 children. IMPOSSIBLE!!! We always have Monday's off here since we work the weekends. Today we HAD to go shopping. I am trying to discipline myself with our money to better prepare myself for when we no longer have any. So I made myself wait until the end of the month to go shopping. I mean we REALLY needed to go shopping. Elise was wearing her last diaper and I had to borrow a couple from the hotel for Olivia. We had no more wipes. It was time to shop. I used to look forward to our grocery days. That time is gone!

Did your Mom ever get crazy when you were little and went shopping? Well, I now realize how much I really need to apologize to Mom! In my naivety I thought I would be able to ward off the craziness that I saw my Mother fall into while shopping. All the threats, the bribes, the screaming, the crazy look in her eyes. Well, Mom, first of all, I am so SORRY!! Secondly, I understand now!

Shopping with three children is CRAZY! First, where do you put them all? Olivia is in her car seat so she takes up the seat. Elise goes in the cart but usually has to come out towards the end. FaithLyn walks, or dawdles, or sometimes even crawls. If she holds on to the front of the cart she always moves around to the side and we have already had one cart tumble on top of her and send Olivia across the floor! Wal-Mart has these great carts that have two additional seats added to the front. It's like driving a Mac-Truck! And the girls always get bored and start picking on each other. There is just no easy way to do it! SO why not leave the kids home with Dan, you ask? Well, I don't want to give up my time with Dan to go shopping!! Are you crazy?!

Because I am married to THE greatest guy in the whole world he usually goes with me to shop. Today my sweet husband gave up his morning at home to make a much needed trip to Wal-Mart with me and all 3 girls. Rather than make me go by myself he offers to go with me! Isn't he sweet!? I love for him to go BUT I always end up with more than I intend to buy when he is with me. I can't say no to him! OK, all of you who really know me know I am bending the truth just a bit. But I do spend more when Dan is shopping with me. And he doesn't really enjoy the shopping part. Did I mention the Super Wal-Mart is 45 min. away? So my sweet husband offered to take the girls to the mall and let them play at the play area. GREAT IDEA!!! I am not so sure he thought it was such a great idea two and a half hours later when I finally came and picked them up! But he tells me that he likes to visit with me on the way there and back so he keeps offering to go.

Today's shopping trip was a long one but I only had one screaming child this time instead of three. I didn't have to make any threats, bribes don't work with Olivia yet and I am pretty sure I didn't get crazy eyes! I only forgot a few things so all in all a good days work! We had some good conversation with Puff the Magic Dragon and Baby Beluga softly playing in the back ground. We even made it home for lunch. Elise is the only one who fell asleep on the way home. Two out of three actually sleeping during nap time is a pretty good thing.

I know the girls will always look forward to our shopping trips with Daddy even if Dan isn't always excited about them. He is the greatest Dad, best friend and most thoughtful husband!!

My Little Jumping Bean

Olivia has been jumping in her Johnny Jump Up the last few days. She loves it so much that I had to take a picture. Oh, and by the way, the title of my following entry has NOTHING to do with the picture! I repeat...the title has NOTHING to do with the picture. I just wanted to share the only picture that I got from the Chik-fil-a flop. The whole trip took place in the car.

Puberty!?!!

I was really hoping that Dan's need to support us through the Chik-Fil-A scholarship fund(a.k.a grand openings) would be satisfied by one long cold night camping in a parking lot. No such luck for me. They got there too late and were numbers 125-130. They only reward the first 100. The five chicken hunters came home hungry and empty handed. I am afraid that the quest for free chicken will have to continue. The only picture that I have to offer is a picture of three of the five in the camp car we affectionately call the Space Van. Pictured are (L-R) Aaron Thomas, Horse and Maintenance Manager, Katie Brown and the funky chicken, Office Manager, and Dailey Chandler, Youth Program Assistant Director. I think they had a good time, despite their disappointment, on the the six hour round trip.

Last night we had Bible Study here at our house and I'm not sure but I don't think any one noticed that I hadn't dusted the living room or mopped my kitchen floor. If they did MY ignorance is BLISS!

This weekend we have a junior high group staying at the hotel for a weekend ski trip. I love Jr. High kids! They are my favorite to work with because they are still so clueless yet they think they are so grown up. They are also still young enough to believe that I am still cool. Unlike 5th and 6th graders they aren't smelly anymore. Or if they are at least they know it.
Jr. High is so important because that is when kids are able to think abstractly. They start to become aware of social issues that aren't so black and white. It is such a critical time of life. I kind of feel like that's where I am in my spiritual life. If only sin where like B.O. Wouldn't it make it so much easier to deal with sin if everyone else could smell it? That's what makes sin so dangerous! Some sins are so easily hidden from the world. BUT, no sin is hidden from God. And I think sin probably is smelly to Him. I wish that sin was as obnoxious to me as stinky arm pits. I don't want to walk around stinking! Unfortunately I am more convicted to get rid of sin by others finding out than in order to please my God. That's why I feel like a Junior High kid. I am akward, I am so aware of what others think of me and I want desperately to please them, not to mention all of the involuntary changes! The involuntary changes that I speak of though are due to the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. He keeps making me aware of things that need to change in my heart or in my life. I am so much more thankful for these changes than I was as an 11 year old going through puberty. It may be a depressing thought but as Christians we are called to stay in "spiritual puberty" for as long as it takes for Christ to return. We don't get to spiritually ARRIVE at righteousness. We can be assured, though, of Christ's righteousness in us if we have accepted it.
I was such a jerk in Jr. High! I was so in love with myself! I had a really hard time understanding why every one else was not in love with me! I had all kinds of distractions, boys, boys, and I really liked boys! I wonder what my distraction is now while I am going through spiritual puberty? I am afraid that my biggest hold up to really giving every part of myself to God is . . . myself. I am still too in love with myself and not enough in love with my Savior. The up side to this? I get to keep trying everyday to love myself less and love Christ more. And I don't have to do it on my own! Praise God it isn't up to me!! He has already paid the price and I just have to keep choosing Christ.

The Chik-Fil-A Scholarship Program

Dan has an idea to get us through Seminary. He is going to go to Chik-A-Lay(according to FaithLyn) Grand Openings. If you are one of the first 100 people to arrive and camp out all night before the opening day you recieve 52 coupons for a #1 combo. One a week for a year. SO Dan plans to go to 21 openings and we will be assured at least one meal every day for a year. He's joking, of course. I think. Tonight he is spending the night at a Chik-Fil-A in Harrisonburg, VA. I asked him what the weather was going to be like tonight. He assured me that it was only going to get down to 28 tonight. Needless to say I felt MUCH better! Hopefully I will have some pictures and fun stories for you tomorrow.

Catch Up

Ok, I admit I have become less than regular in my blogging, so my sister tells me anyway. I have a few things to update you on.

FaithLyn went to Jr. Church this past Sunday. Can you believe she is old enough to go to children's church? I couldn't either, but she did. The Pastor's wife, who leads the service for the kids, told me that FaithLyn raised her hand and volunteered to pray! I was about to burst with pleasure! Then the pastor's wife told me FaithLyn isn't really old enough to go to children's church. It starts at age 4. But she said FaithLyn did better than some of the five-year-olds. So, I am not sure how to explain this one to FaithLyn. I asked the nursery workers when kids switched from nursery to Children's church thinking they would give me credible information, I guess next time I will just go straight to the pastor's wife and get the real scoop. It's hard to get all the info because we just go to church there. We are members and support it as much as we can but our work is sometimes on Sunday. SO when I am able to get all of the kids ready and get ready myself there just isn't any way to make it to Sunday School. That seems to be where the information is passed on in our church. Poor FaithLyn, she was so thrilled to go with the big kids! Maybe I will just keep sending her and rock the boat a little. We aren't there enough to really make anyone mad at us anyway! All you pastor's wives tell me what I should do. Should I be one of those moms that slightly breaks the rules for thier kids or should I follow the rules? I think I already know the answer.

Does anybody remember Discovery Zone? Well here in Altoona we have SLinky Action ZOne! It has an indoor playground that is like McDonalds on crack! It is SOO big you can get lost in it. On Monday we all went to Slinky's for some action! We Invited our friends Rob and Chondra(Shondra) and their sons Sammy (4) and Matthew (1). What a hot, sticky, stinky, fun time we had! After a bit of action fun we all ate at CiCi's to cap off the day with a crazy time eating with four 4 and under! What a day!! I forgot my camera (the story of my life!) so you just have to take my word for it that we had a CRAZY FUN day.

Oh, now I remember why I haven't blogged. Olivia had an ear infection and we took her in to the Doctor on Friday. Today we went for her 6 month chick up and shots. So needless to say Olivia has been LOTS of fun lately. She is really cutting into my leisure reading time. I have finished reading Sense and Sensibility and have moved on to Emma. Soon I will have all of Jane Austen's works read. I have two to go. Unfortunately reading for me is like TV for some. It consumes me! I get out of control and it really is a weakness for me. I let the girls watch TV so that I can read a little longer. Speaking of reading. I better go. Mr. Knightley is calling!!

Tonight at Bible Study we were studying 1Thessalonians Chapter 2. I was impressed with Paul's love for the Thessalonians. He said we not only shared the Gospel with you but our lives as well. He only preached there for three weeks and he loved them. Truly loved them. I want so much to love people. Not my comfortable group of christian friends but those who so desperately need God's love. Is my life a visible representation of God's love. The truth? No. I want to be surrounded by those I know and choose to love. Paul chose to love God's people. He cared for their future and wanted them to share in God's righteousness and glory.

I desire that kind of passion for God's people. I recognize that as of yet I do not have that passion. James 5:15 says the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. I am not righteous except for Christ in me, and that is all I need. I am asking for that passion for God's people. Use me, Lord, to shine Your love to those who are desperately searching for You and know not what will make them whole.

Crazy Days

What a day. Nothing especially spectacular happened today. But I am pooped! I have been trying to keep my house clean a little at a time and it ended up too little! SO today I decided I was going to clean the house! ALL of it, TODAY. I knew the girls wouldn't mind because I planned to let them watch TV while I cleaned. I just needed some unintterupted time. That was the theory anyway.

We started by having "room time" while I got my shower. The girls play in their room until I am dressed and ready for the day. Everything went well until time to clean up the room. In an attempt to get FaithLyn motivated to clean her room on her own we have a sticker chart. When she gets 4 stickers she gets a treat. Today she didn't get her sticker. Elise wouldn't pick up the legos, even with me right there helping. So once we had some discipline (Elise deliberately disobeyed me by walking away instead of putting the blocks away) we all went down stairs to watch Winnie the Pooh. (One of my Favorites) Then finally, I got started cleaning bathrooms. Then Olivia woke up an hour early. I got the kitchen floor halfway done and then had to take a break to feed Olivia. Time for Sesame Street. Somewhere in there we has some snacks and juice and a dirty diaper and other diversions. After I fed Olivia and tried to feed her rice cereal then it was time to get lunch going.

I am so blessed to be able to make lunch and enjoy it with my whole family. Dan always comes home for lunch. I will sorely miss this time with him. Naptime and everyone is sleeping. I take a break and catch a few chapters of Sense and Sensibility with Jane Austen. Then Olivia woke up early and I fed her and the other girls woke up. We got The Fox and the Hound going and I got back to the kitchen. Then dinner must get ready. Chicken Enchiladas, rice, beans, and salad. Livie Divie needs another nap Elise has another dirty diaper and company is coming at 6. Oh, I forgot we wrote a note to one of FaithLyn's friends this morning, too. Finally, I get to sit
down and enjoy a meal with friends and family. Then time to feed Olivia agian! Bed time and Ahhh...quiet. Dan is off to play video games and I have an appointment with Miss Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy of Pride and Prejudice on my TV.

Why the run down of my hectic day? Well, I guess I just hope that someone will look at their day and remember what is important. Today, I chose to make cleaning the priority for the day in hopes that tomorrow I could better focus on my girls. Was that the right decision? I am not sure but the girls brains aren't completely rotten from one day of lazy TV watching. All of their needs were met. We even had some good playtime before bed. The house is mostly clean and boy am I going to sleep good tonight!

Even in the midst of all this craziness God blessed me with some sweet treats today. No matter what your day looks like let God determine each step. Are there more important things I could have done? Most definitely BUT what I did today was important, too. My husband deserves to have a clean sink and toilet. It is all part of the cycle and even now it is all beginning again!!! I better get in bed I am suddenly very tired just thinking of it!

Inside the Minds of Men

So my mom sent me this book. It is a great book and I recommend it for all you ladies out there. It is called for women only : what you need to know about the inner lives of men. Dan and I are always very honest with each other. No secrets, no hidden parts are withheld, but even so we are still a long way from the perfect couple! I feel like we have a great relationship and we are always willing to make things better. BUT, this book has opened my eyes! All of the problems that Dan and I have are discussed in this book. I always thought that I was just a numbskull but apparently I am not the only woman in the world to struggle with understanding my man. This book has helped me get inside a man's head like no man could do. Dan is really good at telling me how he feels and what's going on with him, but this book puts it in terms that I as a woman can get my brain around. It has been heart wrenching to see how ignorant I am when it comes to loving my man like he needs!

There have been so many times that I just thought Dan was being super sensitive but really he's just wired in a way that I couldn't understand. The biggest eye opener for me so far has been the chapter on respect. I respect Dan and trust him so implicitly but I hardly ever get that across to him. Or if I happen to get it right I undo all the good I have done by nagging him about something or making fun of the way he does things around the house. OR how about this one, in public we are talking and joking about something and telling stories on each other and I tell one too many stories or make Dan look or feel stupid! The author, Shaunti Feldhahn, likened this unto our husband "joking" in public about those 10 lbs we recently gained!! I can not imagine if Dan said something like this in public. I would DIE!! I had no idea how my "joking" made him feel. I will definitely try to be more sensitive next time!!

Don't you know that every time I am awakened to a new fault of my own and truly want to let Jesus change me that is precisely when it becomes an issue in my life! Just in the last few days I have been thinking about this respect issue and trying to figure it out and maybe because it has been on my mind that is why I have completely failed to make any head way in correcting it. To be sure I was even more insensitive and disrespectful! Well, last night it all came to a head and Dan and I had to have a talk. Thank God that I have a husband who is willing to talk to me and tell me when I am being a jerk!! I am truly thankful that he loves me enough to work through the hard stuff instead of ignoring it and hoping it will get better or correct itself. He told me what I had done and then explained how it made him feel and for the first time I GOT IT!!! It made sense to me. It broke my heart to finally understand how hurtful the words I speak and do not speak are to Dan with out even meaning to hurt him.

Well any way, all this to say that this book will more than likely revolutionize your relationships with men or at least help you to understand them better. I sure am learning a lot! And if you already knew all this then, WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?

Haircuts and Lollipops

FaithLyn got her hair cut today. Not her "baby's first haircut", but the first serious haircut. She was so cute. I am always amazed at our girls. The times that I always expect the girls to misbehave they are angels. She was so grown up sitting in that chair. She did everything that the stylist told her to do. She has always been very aware of social norms. So I don't know why it surprised me that she inherently knew what to do today. She was very serious. The stylist was so impressed with both of the girls that she gave them both lollipops. That was the highlight of the day!! The simple pleasures of childhood!! I wonder, what was your lollipop today?

My lollipop? Dan made dinner tonight while I went and worked out at Curves! with my friend Katie. He comes home early and I get an afternoon of adult conversation AND exercise. 4-6 o'clock is the hardest time of day for me, so anytime that Dan offers to let me get away from the craziness I jump at the offer!! He takes it very seriously and plans out the meal for each week. I often wonder why God chose to bless me so greatly with a man who loves me so selflessly.

I would love to hear how god blessed you today. So think about it what WAS your lollipop today?

HUH?

I took this picture of Olivia today and couldn't help sharing it with you all. She is such a joy to us and we are so blessed to have her.

To Love and Be Loved

Relationships are SOOO hard, yet we have to have them. A baby can actually die if his need for love is not met. We are made to need others. I personally believe we are made to need God and often fill that need with everything else.

If this is a basic need that we have then why aren't we better at it? Dan is so good at building relationships. Everyone loves Dan and everyone feels close to Dan. I think the key is that he makes himself vulnerable. He shares his heart with others and it doesn't hurt that he's fun. I on the other hand see the great risk that he runs by making himself so vulnerable to so many yet I envy his friendships. But if you want the relationship to grow you have to risk something.

Now granted some relationships are more risky than others. Like, for example, the mother/daughter-in-law relationship. I honestly do not know any Mother or daughter-in-law who has not at some time or another struggled with this relationship in some way. The mother who has cared for and loved this son from conception has to watch another usually less skilled and knowledgable woman try and take care of this manchild. The daughter-in-law, I know from experience, is trying desperately to prove to all, including herself, that she CAN take care of said manchild. It is just as painful to watch as it is to experience. Let's just say I am so thankful that I have 3 girls!! I have a wonderful mother-in-law by the way! She has seen me at my absolute worst and never even mentioned how ugly it was. She has forgiven my thoughtlessness without even being asked!

The tricky thing about this need for love is that we don't just need to be loved we need TO love. To truly feel loved, the other person has to make himself vulnerable to us. But to love others I have to be vulnerable. I have to be willing to say the hard things, to choose not to just ignore hurtful behavior and let it grow to resentment. Or, even harder, I have to let go of the hurt and love the person enough to forgive without being asked. To freely forgive the thoughtlessness or what ever it is that puts up a roadblock in the relationship. The irony here is that in order to love anyone like this we need. . . what? Yes, a relationship. THE relationship. We have to have a healthy, growing relationship with Jesus in order to even begin to love others or to really accept love from others in a correct way.

Relatioships are hard and very risky because I don't have any guarantee that the other person will uphold their part of the bargain. And I know for sure that he/she WILL fail along the way. The comfort in this? Well, I have faith that God will never fail me! That is one relationship where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that HE will NOT fail to uphold His end of the deal. He can't help it. It's just not in his nature to fail. My favorite part in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is when, I think Lucy askes of Alsan, the Lion who represents God, "Is he safe?"
The answer she receives? "No. He isn't safe, but he is good."

Relationships aren't safe either. But if you committ everything you have to them, they will more than likely be good. Just like your relationship with God, it isn't safe, but man is He good!!

Baby Days

I have started feeding Olivia rice cereal. I hoped that it would help her sleep better during the day and it still might but no such luck yet. Ever since the winter retreats she isn't sleeping in the afternoon very well. I have run the gauntlet of ideas, perhaps she is sleeping too long in the morning, maybe she is hungry, I still don't know and am praying that if I just give her a little more time then all will be set to rights.
I think a lot of moms are hopeful that a little solid food in the belly will solve all baby problems. And whether it is warranted or not I am sure that if Olivia does get this nap thing settled the rice cereal will get all the credit. Believe it or not I was a little sad to start the solid food regime. It signified something for me, a last. I don't know. I don't think we are done having kids but even if we do have more it will hopefully be a few years. I don't think I will know what to do with myself if I am not pregnant or nursing!! I almost get giddy just thinking of it. The possibilities seem endless! But at the same time I feel so sad to be closing this door, even if for just a little while. But what am I saying? I am still right in the middle of baby days!!

Cleaning the Closets

Ok, so I am still going through closets and drawers. It was finally my turn to get rid of stuff. I finally let go of the clothes I kept four years ago when I last moved that didn't fit. I know all you ladies do this too! I kept them thinking, well feeling pretty sure, that they would miraculously fit again. Well, after four years and three kids, THEY STILL DIDN'T FIT! Imagine that. But it felt so good to finally take the time to throw out all of the holey socks and torn pajamas that kept my drawers a mess. I am going to have to borrow a truck to get all of the stuff to Goodwill. It is almost embarrassing that I let it get like this.

While I was thinking about cleaning out the parts of my house that no one sees it reminded me of the inner parts of my heart. How often do I disregard what is storing up in my heart simply because it is easyier to keep those things hidden? I close the door to my heart and keep living life like it's not full of junk! I think it is just as important to do an inventory on your heart and very often, because unlike your closets, the heart doesn't stay shut until someone looks inside! When you are off your gaurd or not thinking or angry, that's when your heart opens up wide for the world to see what you have been storing in there. Great! Just when I thought I might be done cleaning things out for a while.

It has been a hard week for the girls. We are detoxing from the retreat season. I have to admit it is a change to go from unlimited attention and kids to play with to MOM ALL DAY LONG! I am not quite as exciting. We have had more time outs than I can count, a few spankings, and way to much whining! Even Olivia had to go back to baby boot camp! She refused to sleep through a nap. She wants to held 24/7 and won't even sit and play by herself any more! Boot Camp is in session and will last as long as it takes to whip those kids back into shape!

PURGING! In every sense of the word!

Well, we have successfully made it through our last season of family retreats at White Sulphur Springs. I don't really know how to feel about it. Especially because 3 out of 5 of us ended the retreat with a stomach bug! Sunday night Dan said he wasn't feeling well and went to bed, then I started not feeling well but eventually was able to go to sleep. Then I awoke in the middle of the night to a screaming child and throw up all over Elise's bed. FaithLyn woke up when I came in the room and her first words were not Mommy is Elise OK? She said, "Mommy, I want another adventure." She is hooked on listening to Adventures in Oddessy. Did I mention that I was not feeling well? SO I sat up with Elise for a couple of hours on the bathroom floor while she was sick and the whole time I was thinking, "Please don't throw up on me. Please don't throw up on me!" Every time I went into my bedroom Dan would mumble something about being "so cold". She finally was able to sleep and we all went to bed. The whole night was really quite comical. We are all over the bug and FINALLY over the cold from you-know-where. I hate using our time off to be sick, but at least we were able to rest.

I just have to say how great my husband is. Even though he wasn't feeling 100% today he took the initiative to get started taking all the Christmas decorations down. We got it all done AND Dan cleaned up all the pine needles AND he made dinner while I ran to Wal-Mart! He is the greatest!!! I went to Wal-Mart because we packed up all the Christmas stuff so that it's ready to move. That made me start thinking about ALL the STUFF we have just sitting in closets and drawers. So I decided to get some tubs and go through all the girls clothes and pack them for the move. Once I got started I was amazed at all the clothes we have accumulated! I made the decision to give away the clothes that are going to be the wrong seasons for Olivia and Elise. So I have 4 trash bags full to give away. So, those of you who have given us some of these clothes, Thank You! Please know that someone who doesn't have wonderful family and friends like you will find great joy in these clothes! And a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It is amazing how the things we accumulate can weigh us down. I am definitely not a pack rat!

Bringing in the New Year

I was thinking tonight about everything that happened in 2005. It was last February that Elise took her first steps and now she runs every where. FaithLyn took her first horse ride on Flicker, the camp pony. Dan was asked to facilitate a Youth Leadership program for our county. We decided to follow God's call to Military Chaplaincy. We waited for the birth of our precious Olivia. She shocked and scared us a little with her early arrival. Then kept us awake for the first three months screaming. I swore we were done having kids! But. . . . maybe not. I have definitely said that before. Now that I am sleeping regularly I am thinking more clearly. Dan and I became Uncle Dan Dan and Aunt Kelli to Luke, THE cutest little boy ever!!! Livie Divie gave her first smile and laugh to her doting big sister Elise. FaithLyn got her first bike. This has been a big year for the B Clan. And these are only the big things!

God has done a considerable amount in my life this year. He has given me a new appreciation for family. I have been blessed with stronger relationships with family even after they have seen the worst of me. I believe that God has made me wiser, unfortunately it has been at the expense of others. What a blessed year 2005 has been!

Change is the word for 2006!!! As I look forward to the next year, it is going to be full of changes! We will be leaving our home and beloved ministry here in Pennsylvania and moving to Fort Worth. Down sizing in every sense of the word. Seminary, going to church every Sunday, an apartment, living close to friends and family! In a nut shell it is going to be an emotional roller coaster for this simple country girl!!!

I do hope that God will teach me a few things this year. I pray that He will help me to be more patient and gentle with my girls, less focused on the tasks of everyday and more aware of the hearts that need guiding. I also hope to attain the ability to adjust and transition quickly. The latter is a skill that I believe will come in handy in the military. I am so thankful when I look back and so excited when I look forward.
Last week a speaker said something that stuck in my heart. He said to expect God to work! Pray and expect God to do something! He was speaking of Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist. He was serving in the temple and went in to burn incense. An angel appeared to him and he was startled. The speaker pointed out that Zechariah was entering into the temple where God met with His people but Zechariah was startled when something actually happened! How often am I surprised when God provides my needs or even a desire of my heart? I go along performing the outward motions of faith then forget to involve God in that faith. We can take God's promises at face value!!! He is incapable of NOT doing what is best for us. SO in the upcoming year I hope that you will live in expectation with me waiting to see what God's best is for us all!
Happy New Year!!!

The Sound of Music

I have always been touched by music. Growing up in a Southern Baptist Church gave me a fond love for the hymns. I have always loved the language of music. Tonight, at session, the Lord blessed me with a renewed love for Him and my mission of service for Him through a hymn. I just want to share it with you in hopes that you might be touched through it as well.
Take My Life, and Let it Be
Take my life, and let it be Consecrated Lord, to Thee; Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee; Take my voice and let me sing always, only, for my King
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages for Thee; Take my silver and my gold, Not a mite would I withhold
Take my love, my God, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store; Take myself and I will be Ever, only, all for Thee, Ever, only, all for Thee.

I kind of made a deal with God long ago that I would only ever sing for him. I love to be in front of people and love acting so I didn't want singing to become something that was mine. I have never sung a solo in front of people since I made that promise. Whether I am good enough to sing for others or not is not my concern. I save that part of myself for my God. I love to sing! But not for others, Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King.
This song so completely portrayed my feelings for my King tonight. I thought it would be a shame not share this beautiful song.
Oh and just for the record, at my funeral, when ever that day may be, Please sing Victory in Jesus. It is one of my most favorite hymns and the song I want those to remember who have gathered to celebrate my life. OH, VICTORY IN JESUS, MY SAVIOR FOREVER. HE SOUGHT ME AND BOUGHT ME WITH HIS REDEEMING LOVE. HE LOVED ME ERE I KNEW HIM AND ALL MY LOVE IS DUE HIM HE PLUNGED ME TO VICTORY BENEATH THE CLEANSING FLOOD. That was me singing. . . .LOUDLY.
Music has always helped me convey my heart for the Lord. Music has a way of touching my soul like nothing else. SO, next time we are together, let's just sing a while!

A Look Inside my Heart

I learned something about myself last night. Dan and I were talking about mentoring and how hard it is to give constructive criticism to those you are mentoring. Dan is, by the way, so very gifted at mentoring. We were discussing the fine line between trying to fix someone and loving them enough to try and help them become better. At that moment I realized that the reason I am not as good at mentoring is because I don't want to love the person enough to tell them the hard things. Relationships are hard! And healthy ones take A LOT of work. I just don't want to put forth the effort. It gets messy, feelings can get hurt, not to mention you have to make yourself vulnerable enough to let the other person see you mess up. That's the kicker for me! If I am mentoring someone I want to keep this persona that I am worthy of teaching them. That I have something to offer. Well, the truth is, I have nothing to offer apart from Christ. I AM a mess! The only good in me is God in me. The reason Dan is so good at mentoring is because he offers ALL of himself into every relationship while I only 0ffer the pre-approved parts of me. I want to get rid of this self-preserving attitude and embrace the ugly parts of me that God is working on. Because shouldn't I share the areas in my life where God is present and working? Won't that be where God is able to find and help others?
I am reminded of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "..'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." I realize that in this passage Paul is talking aobut the thorn in his flesh. I don't know what Paul's thorn was but it was something that humbled him. He said it kept him from being conceited about his visions and revelations. I don't know about you but being more real about my shortcomings is pretty humbling for me.
I thought it only fitting that I share this lesson with you all. Now you all know that I hold my heart close and refuse to love as God has loved me. I have always thought that I was protecting myself from heartache, and I am sure I have prevented some of that, but I have also robbed myself of some of the rich blessings of love that God intended for me. I am going to try and love more freely, to open my heart more fully, and show my faults more distinctly.
I also want to rejoice with some dear friends! We just got word that our friends Adam and Mandy are expecting baby #2 in late May or early June. Also our dear friends Chris and Nichole just had baby Hudson on December7, and trust me he is Beautiful! THEN we got word that our dear friends Chad and Erin are expecting! I am ashamed to say that I haven't actually talked to Erin so I am not sure when she is due. This will be #3 for them! I am so excited that someone else is having the baby this time and not me! Congratulations Friends! We are praising God for his blessings and praying for healthy pregnancies and deliveries!

Merry Christmas!

God's Blessings to all on this blessed day! Merry Christmas from the B Glamour Girls!

The Open House

Well, It's over. Praise the Lord! I don't even know how many people came but they came and they ate. Thank goodness there was still snow! Most of the kids played outside or in the basement playroom. Let me just give you a few stats so that you know what we are dealing with here. There are 33 kids, 5th grade and younger. 10 of those are preschoolers and there are only 14 families here this week. Sooooo...that's a lot of kids to entertain and feed. And would you believe I actually had left over cookies! Granted none of the cookies with chocolate or frosting were left but there were cookies left! There were no spills on the carpet, which for this age bracket was not a small miracle. I was even able to visit and enjoy myself. So, I would say that it was a success. Successful or not it's over and right now that's all that matters to me. Now I am free to enjoy the rest of the retreats. Sorry, there is no picture. I meant to take one while everyone was here so that you would know just how much fun you missed.
I think God has been teaching me lately about making myself more vulnerable to others. That also means letting others see your faults as well as rejoice with your successes. Opening your home to lots of people is a way to make yourself vulnerable. Sure you can clean but the attitude, the feel, the atmosphere; that can not be so easily changed or cleaned up. It's kind of like your heart. It keeps you alive and if it's sick evert part of your life is inhibited by your illness. The home is the heartbeat of the family. If the home is loving and comfortable then the family will be also. I hope that is what people found in our home today. I pray that they went away from this house and felt welcomed and at home. I hope that they felt the love and not my desire to impress or prove something.
This blog has been a little bit about letting others see me everyday, the good and the bad, the hilarious and the disturbing. Maybe if I let you see the mistakes I make then you won't have to make them. Well, this was my last Open House here and I have to say that I never quite mastered my pride. I wanted to impress and have people say, "Wow! How'd she do that?" Though I have learned to enjoy the people and serving and getting to know them.
I pray that we all learn to let others see our mistakes. And even more importantly, see us seek forgiveness and change. May God bless us all with His truth this Christmas!