Thursday, November 29, 2007
I'm Still Holding My Breath....
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
The Christmas Rush!
Mimi and PopPop and Aunt Judy helped alleviate some of that stress while they were here. They took the girls out shopping for gifts for each other. It was a great idea I had not thought of before. Each child had a budget and they had so much fun finding gifts for each other. Then they came home and wrapped them up right away. I hope this can be a tradition. I also read somewhere about a Mom who started Mom's Store. She would collect small gifts throughout the year for each child and then set up shop for all the kids. She would change the gifts for each child and they would pay for them with their money just like at any store. The great thing is you get to decide the price, the gifts and the kids still get to have some autonomy in gift giving.
SO this year we got our decorations up quickly because the girls were itching to get their gifts under the tree. Since we had help this last week we decided to try and get all our Christmas shopping done. I am officially D-O-N-E!
We are continually blessed by our Lord, the Provider. We received a Christmas bonus from the church this year. PRAISE THE LORD!! It was totally unexpected and so much appreciated. I was determined to make it work and then God just laid a blessing in our laps! So, I wanted to be diligent to use the money wisely and not use all of it. We talked and decided exaclty what to spend, we set a price limit for each person and stuck to it! Because of the bonus we decided we could make gifts for our Youth workers and Volunteers. The girls and I are going to do LOTS of baking this Christmas. I guess for the amount of gifts we are giving we did it pretty frugally but darn if I didn't spend almost all of that money!
Besides the small gifts for the youth workers we spent less on our gifts than ever before. Perhaps it's because I added it all up so I could see exactly how much I spent but I was discouraged. Dan and I love to give gifts. We find such joy in it. I guess I need to do some more work on how to do it even more frugally.
I guess the real issue is money. The more I try to be a good steward of our money the more tight fisted I become. I hate that! IT'S NOT MY MONEY ANYWAY! How do I balance frugality without squishing out the attitude of giving? It's a struggle for me. The more we budget the more I stress about the money. I am sure that it will get easier. Some parts are freeing for me. I can budget things in and not worry if I am being irresponsible. But at the same time, there is no way to budget everything and when something comes up I panic or get stressed and worry about how to make it work with my precious budget. I know it is worth it.....I am by no means giving up. But I see an attitude emerging that I am not pleased with. The more I think about the money we are given, the more I make it my own. The harder it is to let go.
Every time I turn up the heater I see dollar signs flying away from me. Why am I struggling with this now? Dan and I have always been blessed with what we need when we need it. We have always given freely and found such joy in it. It is time for me to do a deep heart examination! What happened to me? What changed?
All that said, we are still giving freely this Christmas. We are trying to focus more on Christ so our gifts are not the focus. But giving is a BIG part of how we want our children to remember this holiday. I want them to know that it IS more blessed to give than to receive. We are moving one step closer to that this year and hopefully my struggle with frugality will not become their struggle as well. Most gifts take a little bit of money, even gifts that you make. I wish that I could take my eyes off of how much is being spent and enjoy the fact that we are able to give at all!
Somewhere I got the idea that it was important for us to get ahead. Not just financially, but in other ways as well. Saving money and using it responsibly became my way of getting ahead. Instead of blessing God by using my money wisely I got focused on the money. Money is only the means to the end and I am so sick of having the wrong focus.
I would rather spend every cent we have every month and allow our children to grow up in a family that focuses on others rather than have tons of money saved away and grow children that think the dollar amount in the bank is what brings happiness.
But don't worry......I am still going to try and teach them how to make sure that there is some waiting in the bank. I just forgot for a moment that the purpose of budgeting isn't to have more. It is simply to be more responsible with what you have, whether it's a little or a lot. Some of us just have to be a little more creative in how we give to others. I can handle that. As long as I don't stop wanting to give to others.
I pray that in the HURRY, HURRY, rush of Christmas time, and all the joy and stress that it can bring that you will take time to actually enjoy all the things that we decide are so imporant to fit in. And if for some reason you find yourself begrudging the gifts you have to give; office parties, church parties, school parties, school friends, teachers, Sunday School teachers, well, then just don't! No one said you HAVE to give gifts. If you want to and can, do but don't give yourself an ulcer trying to do what you think is expected. It probably isn't. A simple homemade card or heartfelt note of thanks might mean more than that box of candy anyway!
Let's try and keep this Christmas a MERRY one!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving! 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Kids
Well, I am obviously biased, being their mother and all. We just had a fun little picture shoot this morning. With the time change no one sleeps as late and we had a little extra time to have some fun.
FaithLyn is such a good big sister. I hope these three always value each others company like they do now. My little stair steps!
I caught a happy moment with Judson.
And then it was over.
This morning I went in to get him from a nap and he was just waiting for me contently. Those moments are rare! I went over and peered down at him smiling and he broke out in the biggest grin. We just cooed and smiled at each other for a while. Until I tried his patience too long and he got mad.
These moments are more common these days and I find that I cherish them more because of the days and days of fussy, sad, little Judson. If I stay home all day and everything goes just right he sleeps really well. So, most of the time he is sleeping great. When he is sleeping great he is a sweet, happy little boy. I guess he got that from me. Not the sweet, happy little boy part, the cranky when you don't get enough sleep part. I have been a tad bit more sane and even a bit happy these past few days.
Tonight I was putting Judson and Olivia to bed, they share a room. We were singing our goodnight song, Olivia has just started to sing with me; so cute! Then I turned the lights out and Olivia said her prayer and I prayed for them and then Judson started crying. So I leaned over him and started to sing pretty loudly to drown out the cries and he settled down and started to coo. It was like he was singing with me. He listened and watched until I stopped and then fussed a moment or two more. It is so nice to feel like he knows me now. I am not just the milk bar anymore. I am officially, Mama. He smiles when he sees me in the morning. I can calm him when he is restless and fussy. He knows me. He needs me. And even though I can't make it 5 minutes through any day with out being needed by 5 various people, it is nice to know that this little person doesn't just NEED me, he prefers me. Moments like that make all the other, "Tie my shoes, I need toilet paper, MOMMY!, She hit me, Why can't I have peanut butter and jelly", moments a little bit less taxing.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Happy Birthday, Aunt Patty!
Hope you had a fabulous birthday as well! One of these days we need to celebrate together!
We sure do miss you!
Happy Birthday,
Visitors and My Last Year as a 20 Something.
The girls had a great time breaking Seth in to the world of big sisters. They tried very hard to take good care of him. He is such a sweet and easy going little guy! I mean we had 5 kids 5 and under in this house. We even managed to all get ready for church and make it there on time! But it was a group effort.
This was our first time to see David and Ellen in action as parents and it warmed my heart. They are everything and more than I ever imagined as parents.
Uncle David and Aunt Ellen are SOOO much fun!
My ladies bible study group suprised me with a cake yesterday. They blew me away with a gift certificate to a Spa! Then one of the dear ladies offered to babysit while I went! I was so overwhelmed, then I was just on a sugar high. Not really used to cake at 9 in the morning!
When I signed up for this study I picked the day time study as apposed to the night time study thinking all the other moms would be there. I was wrong. But I have been so blessed with this opportunity to get to know some of the older women of our church that I would not have otherwise had the opportunity to spend time with. They have blessed me with their love and acceptance.
I have been reading the Little House on the Prairie series to the girls and Dan got me the first season on DVD! We watched the first 4 or 5 episodes today. I cried in at least 3 of the 5!
My mother-in-love suprised me with a cake. Last year she was here to make me a cake, this year she ordered me one from the local bakery. What a treat! The roses were delivered this morning! (From Dan)
This afternoon at nap time I grabbed Olivia and we cuddled on the couch for a few minutes before Dan wisked her off to bed. In this picture we were saying, "Double Trouble!" This was right after we had been tickling her and she screamed, "That kickles!!"
Oh, and today while we were watching LHOTP, Pa picked up his fiddle after the girls had all gone to bed and he started to play. Then they moved the camera to a close up of the lamp. You could see the fire flickering. Elise was watching so intently and then she said, "Look, his music makes the fire dance." WOW! That floored me. I didn't even know what to say so I didn't say anything and she said, "Momma, look, his music is making the fire dance." I just grabbed her up in my lap and held her close. Isn't it amazing the things that kids can see!?
Everything about today was somewhat magical. And I am not just talking about how it was my birthday. Maybe that had something to do with it. Because it was my birthday I paid closer attention or something, but today was one of those days I would love to live over and over again. There were so many sweet memories. Like this morning when I heard the pitter patter of little feet as FaithLyn came straight to my room to tell me Happy Birthday first thing.
Then later tonight getting to have dinner with just Dan. We got talk. I realized how much I had to say. It was a good dinner. After that we went to a movie. Dan in Real Life. GREAT movie. I laughed so HARD. I think the other people in the movie theater were actually laughing at me rather than the movie. Then I cried. Hard. It was such a great movie. It had it all, laughs, drama, great music, a romance......what more could you ask for?
We came home to a quiet house, the kids were sleeping, the dishes were done..........free babysitters! My cup runneth over!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Rainy Day Tag
Personally, I am just making it through life right now. Just making it through a day, rainy or not, is a reason to rejoice in our house. I am focused on the big memories like holidays. That, I can tackle. We are also trying to figure out how to incorporate family worship into our schedule and what we want it to look like.
The girls always ask to do crafts or play with play dough. But the crafts take planning and clean up and the play dough takes monitoring and clean up. Those things I just don't have much energy for right now. Someday soon, but not yet.
But I would love to hear what you do! Someday I will be sleeping at night and I might even be able to get a nap every once in a while so I might need some back up ideas!
So, FordeFam, Shannon, and Ellen, I would love to hear how you do things!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
The Kitten Litter
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Our Blessing Tree
Friday, October 26, 2007
Fall Fun
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Let's be Honest
Well, ok, I did say we should be honest. I caught myself the other day, pretending. The saddest part was that I was doing a miserable job at it. Why is it that as soon as you start trying to appear like you are Wonder Woman/ Super Mom that is inevitably the moment that everything falls apart! I'm not really asking. I know why. I serve a God that loves me enough to not let me pretend for a moment that I can do it all without Him.
The day of our churches child/baby dedication was the day that the Lord chose to show me my inability to be Wonder Woman/Super Mom. The week before the dedication Dan and I picked out meaningful verses for each of our children, we wrote heart-felt letters, we were ready to publicly dedicate our children to the Lord. That morning I was a frazzled MESS! I almost cried a million times that morning, I yelled at my children, tried to fool my parents into believing I can do it all so they would be super proud, floated through church like a zombie and finally succumbed to the tears when we got home and I faced the task of making lunch.
What did I accomplish by this little one person production? I will tell you what I didn't accomplish. I didn't prove to anyone that I am a better mother based on how my children look on Sunday mornings. I didn't fool my parents. They know me to well. They already think I am a good mother, though. They love me to well. I didn't enjoy this meaningful opportunity to dedicate, publicly, my children's lives to the Lord. I don't even remember it! You want to know what I remember? I remember Elise climbing up on the stage and then sitting down on the steps. I remember Olivia talking and crying because she wanted to be with Nana in the pew. I remember squeezing Elise's shoulder to get her to stand still, making her cry......during the prayer of dedication. I remember thinking, "Everyone is looking at us and what are they going to think of this Youth Minister and his family?"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? What has happened to me? Since when did I care what they thought? Well, I have always cared but I haven't been sleep deprived enough to let anyone know it. It has always been my "act" to seem disintrested in the opinions of others.
It is an act.
It is my way of protecting myself. If I act like I don't care then if they don't like me maybe it won't hurt so bad. Well. It usually doesn't consume me like it did that day. But the ugliness of it came crashing in on me hard! I have a two-month old son. OK!!! I do not have it all together! I am TIRED. I reach a point almost every day that if one more child comes and asks me for something I will LOOSE IT!!
BUT, I can not even imagine doing anything else in the world. I don't have to have it all together to be a good mom. I don't even have to pretend to have it all together! Why do I try?
I often get so focused on portraying the wonderful life that God has given me and that I rejoice in daily that I forget to actually enjoy the wonderful life that God has given me. Am I alone out there? Come on Moms, give me some love. I am not the only one out there that tries to appear like Super Mom . . . . . am I???
Even if I am the only one, I am NOT Super Mom. I am just, Kelli. Daughter of the Most Holy God, wife of Daniel, mother of FaithLyn, Elise, Olivia, and Judson. That is enough. That is all I need to strive for.
No more pretending........Not today anyway, I already burned our dinner!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
My Poor Little Man
Do you other Moms ever have moments where you finally can see all the hard things from a different perspective and you realize they aren't just hard for the sake of being hard. There really is something wrong. Then you sheepishly look down and shuffle your feet and mumble, "Oh, that's why things have been so hard."
About two weeks ago I took Judson to the doctor for a cough. We had been passing this cough around for about a month and half so I assumed he had finally gotten it from his overly affectionate sisters. The doctor quickly diagnosed reflux and prescribed some medication to help strengthen the muscle that closes off the stomach from the esophagus. Anyway, I was doubtful of the diagnosis. So for the last two weeks I have been thinking that Jusdon was purposefully waking up at night just to keep me from getting a good nights sleep. Then he purposefully doesn't sleep during nap time so he can yet again keep me from getting some much needed sleep. It was all very personal! That little toot was doing this on purpose! I mean good grief he is huge! He shouldn't have any trouble sleeping! And why does he insist on waking up 45-50 mins into each nap!? He must have it in for me!
Well, this morning after a rough night, I was ready to give up. I went into my room, hid behind the bed and curled up in the fetal position and cried. I am a little sleep deprived. While I was praying that God would have mercy on my sad little soul I realized that maybe I should do a little research into this reflux thing. Thank you, Lord for placing that thought in my mind.
When I looked it up on the internet everything started to make sense. All of the symptoms. The fussiness, ALL DAY! The waking at night with bouts of screaming. The gagging and coughing, the wheezing, the spitting up. So, at this point I sheepishly look down at my feet and say, "Oh, that's why things have been so hard."
Now that I am armed with the knowledge of what this really is, even though the doctor already told me!, I can do it. You see, I was expecting things to work a certain way. With FaithLyn and Elise it worked. Then I thought about Olivia, hmmm....It makes sense now. She must have dealt with this too. She had all the same symptoms. Except she cried all night and Judson cries all day. With Olivia I kept trying to make her do it my way and she was not physically able. I wasn't doing anything wrong and as soon as her reflux got better then all the work that we had done on shedule just fell into place. But unfortunately she never was a great sleeper like the other girls. I was determined not to make that mistake again. And here we are!
Oh well, at least we caught it this time. I am so thankful for a doctor who listened to me and diagnosed the problem quickly. Now that I have faced reality that it's just going to be different I can hopefully move forward. I realize now that letting him sleep in the rocker during the day is ok. He has to sleep and letting him cry only makes his reflux worse. Giving him his pacifier isn't going to keep him from learning to go to sleep on his own. I am not going to rely on these things but I will now allow myself to use these things as a resource to help get through this. This will not last forever!
I will sleep peacefully again......someday. I have hope again. That's all I needed. I had it all along and I refused to grasp it and hold on tight. I will now. I am hanging on for dear life to the hope that this to shall pass.
How often have I done this is other areas of my life? I have certain expectations for how things should go and I miss all the signs that things are just different this time. I keep trying to fit life or God or people into these neat little boxes that I can understand. Sometimes it works. But most times life is just MESSY! I keep trying to tell myself I have it all figured out and then BAM! something comes along and I have to face the fact that I still have a lot of learning to do. No matter how many kids we have each one will be different and things that worked once might not ever work again! That's life. I don't really want to have it all figured out, do I?
Friday, October 5, 2007
Two Months. . . .only two?
Our little man is two months old. I have to keep telling myself that this little guy is only two months old. For some reason I keep trying to push him on to the next stage. Sleeping through the night would be nice. . .but I am not sure why I can't get my mental time lapse to line up with reality.
We took Judson and Olivia to the doctor this morning. Olivia has ear infections in both ears and the doctor thinks Judson has reflux. I am not so sure about that one but we will see. Anyway, the exciting part for me was the part where they weigh everyone. I have been so anxious to see how much chunky monkey man weighs. They weighed him with his clothes on so it isn't official but today he weighed 13 lbs 2 oz. That's one pound shy of doubling his birth weight. But now I know he can sleep through the night!!! SO he has a few more days then the night time trips to the all night all-you-can-eat milk bar are done!!!
This weekend is baby dedication at church and we are dedicating all the kiddos since we never had a chance before. We wrote them letters and picked a verse. They will open their letters on their 12th birthday's. My parents are getting to come up for it and I am so excited to make it a special day for our family. The girls are just pumped that Nana and Papa are coming! Hopefully pictures of that special event will be coming soon!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Jud-the-Stud and little Livy
Next week we are going for Judson's two-month check up. I have a hard time believing it has only been two months! SO much has happened in that short time and well, look at him! He's huge! I have never had a baby this big at 8 weeks! Perhaps I just forget after having little Olivia. She was so small for so long. But he's doing really well. He can hold his head up off of my sholder when I am holding him. I don't even have to hold his wobbly head anymore. He is so strong! If I hold his head or try to make him lay it down on my shoulder he gets pretty upset with me.
They say everything is bigger in Texas.....
These are just some cute pictures of Olivia. She found Daddy's hat and I just couldn't resist a few shots.
Does this one look like trouble or what?!
FUN Friday
Welcome to the Goose Park. That's what we call it anyway. Since FaithLyn has started to Preschool I am trying to make Fridays special for the kiddos at home. Sometimes that means we have our own little preschool class and sometimes it means we have a special trip somewhere. This time we went to the park to play.
It was fun to see the girls run and play.
Our 5 Year Old!
That was a quickly planned and executed visit so I forgot to pack the camera. "Shoot, where's the camera?" is going to be my new catch phrase.
Let me introduce you to the newest member of our family. This cute little pup is Shelby/Sarah. FaithLyn has never asked for any specific toy for her birthday or ever for that matter so this year when she asked for a Puppy Grows and Knows Your Name(Yes, that is the name of this toy!) I was heartbroken when I found out how much it cost. Too much for our budget. But Nana and Papa pulled through and we are now the happy owners of Shelby. The girls were so excited when FaithLyn opened the present! I told FaithLyn she better give Nana and Papa a big hug and Elise went immediately to give hugs too. She knows the rules all to well at our house. We share all the toys here so FaithLyn fun new toy would be fun for all!
She also got lots of great new clothes and some great new Adventures in Odessy to listen to at night, thanks to Mimi and PopPop.
I am usually not a big fan of lots of presents and getting exactly what you want but this time it was ok. My mom needed a reason to be super extra good to the girls and since we all share ALL of our toys in our house it works out for everyone.
She was pretty proud of her birthday cake. She picked out that cake all by herself. It was pretty cute, I have to say. Dan and I decided to get her an easel for her birthday. She is always asking me if we can paint or do a craft. This way I can give her a little help and she can get going on her own. Thanks to Nana and Papa she now has a large supply of art materials that are all hers and easily accessable.
But Daddy knows how to make a day special. We went to The Plex, a family fun center and he took FaithLyn and Elise both riding on the bumper cars and then we all went on the bumper boats. THen we went inside to add to the frenzy of children pouring money and tokens into the games for those little tickets that will redeem for tacky and useless prizes. We didn't stay there long. Mommies nerves were unable to take the chaos for very long.
All in all, I would say FaithLyn had a pretty eventful birthday week. We sure are thankful for our sweet girl!
Happy Birthday, FaithLyn!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Time sure does fly when you aren't sleeping!
I can't believe that Judson is already one month old! I am even a little late. He's already 5 weeks old. He is more alert when he is awake and he is awake a bit more these days.
He has started to go back to sleep after I feed him at night. Which means he realizes that it is night time when it is actually night time! This step is huge! I thought for a while I would be living with 3 hours sleep every night! I knew it would end but in the middle of sleeplessness you get a little irrational!
We are so blessed by our BIG boy! He is everything a boy should be. He eats lots and isn't afraid to tell me he wants to eat either.
Looking at how much he has grown in these pictures is amazing!! But he is still very much a newborn. We are still not sleeping through the night but right now I am glad he sleeps at night at all! Baby steps...baby steps!
He is losing his hair right in front and he looks very much like a little old man, but I sure do love him! We are all anxiously awaiting his first smile. I am sure it will melt my heart! He also has started to coo every once in a while. SO Sweet is this little man that the Lord has blessed us to care for!