Merry Christmas!

COUSIN LUKE! We had so much fun with Luke. He is such a sweetie! I worked long and hard to win his affection. I love to hear him say Telli. He gave me lots of kisses and loves to be tickled and always asks you to "top, pease." He is so very polite. He and Olivia are only one month apart. It has been fun to see them develop and grow. It has also been interesting to note the differences in gender. They were lots of fun!

FaithLyn was so very good to include Luke. She made sure to try and get him involved in what ever they were doing. It was so fun to see them enjoying each other.

We had so much fun at Nana and Papa's house this Christmas. We love that we get to see Memaw Crabb every day!

Nana had some fun things for us to do. FaithLyn loved making hamburger cookies! Hmmm....

The girls are having fun with their Star Station. FaithLyn always tells us we are going to see her on one of those singing shows some day and now we can when ever she chooses! Lots of FUN!

Olivia was pretty excited to try our her big girl panties.

PawPaw Wayne had a brief moment with Judson before the little man got cranky.

I hope you all had a blessed Christmas. We miss our family already and we just got home today. But it's always good to be home. We wish we could have been with ALL of our family. And all of you that we love so dearly, we love and miss you all. May Jesus grant us all another year to cherish those that we love and learn to love better all that are in our lives. We are grateful for the only gift that really matters this Christmas........

Jesus, the Christ, who came to the earth to live and die so that we all might live.

Merry Christmas!

Dan's Special Gift

I wish I had a picture...I will get one soon, but last night was one of those nights that makes "it all" worth it. You know what I mean? You love what you do but you wonder if you are making any difference. Sometimes you feel like anyone could do the work you are doing and it wouldn't change things much. Last night we were so blessed by our youth group. At the end of the night right after the closing prayer a few of the Seniors left the room and ALL of the Jr. High started filing back in....hmmm curious. Then a couple of theSeniors walk in with a LARGE gift wrapped in shiny silver paper.

A little background....during the month of December, Dan has been teaching a series on the gifts of God. At the beginning of each lesson before the High school and Jr. High split he got two volunteers. Each one got to pick a gift. One was usually small and the other big. They both had to promise to eat, wear, or use what ever they received. One week it was sardines or a Sonic gift card, the next it was cute reindeer head band or cool t-shirt and a CD or one of the Seniors popping out of a box to sing a song, and so on....He was trying to express that some of God's gifts are so great but you have to wait to use them or how we often take the immediate instead of taking the more useful and desirable gift that God is preparing for us.

Back to last night....When Kaleb got the big package up front he said, "Now Dan, do you promise to accept this gift no matter what it is? You HAVE to accept it."
"OK"
So Dan started to tear into it....First you see a really nice hard case for a guitar. It was signed by lots of the youth. But that wasn't all.....It was a new Alvarez acoustic guitar with hook ups for amps! Dan was so pumped! I was crying. It was just too much!

Then we found out that they "the youth" had been planning this and collecting money for months! They couldn't have thought of something more meaningful for us. Dan loves it! I love the fact that now Dan has tangible proof that all the work and time he is investing in these kids who seem so different from himself is making a difference. I was blown away by God's goodness.

I can't believe that everyone kept mum about this from us for so long! What a blessing. We truly are blessed to be ministering here with this amazing group of teenagers and families!

Eight years and FOUR kids ago........

PEACE...PRAISE be to GOD!!!

I may be counting my chickens before they hatch, but I have to say a HUGE public Thank YOU to Jesus! Judson slept through his morning nap!!!!!!

Ok, here's the background. We had two weeks of beautiful schedule mastery. He slept when he was supposed to for as long as he was supposed to. IT was BEAUTIFUL!!!!! The only problem was that he wasn't eating like he was supposed to. After two weeks I felt like it was safe to change his schedule to a four hour. That way he would only have two and a half naps and less feedings. A break for me for sure! The first few days were like a dream then the floor fell out from under us. I think it was a combination of things but this momma's heart was in distress. It is OOOOHH so hard to go back to lots of sad crying baby when you had fallen so in love with sweet smiley well rested baby. Not to mention well rested and less-tense momma who's back had finally started to feel normal again from regular peaceful not worried about being jolted from sleep by a crying baby sleep.

We have been praying for Judson to slip back into his wonder baby sleep patterns during our breakfast prayer time. I have learned over the last four months that you NEVER- NEVVVER say "oh, listen, he went to sleep!!" Because inevitably every time you do that he starts screaming as soon as your exclamation leaves your lips.

Today, at 10 when it was time for me to give sweet boy his medicine for his reflux, which has to be given 30 mins. prior to a feeding, it had been quiet ALL morning! I just finished reading a chapter of Little House on the Prairie with the girls and I dared to say those few words.....

I asked the girls if they had noticed that Judson hadn't been crying this morning and FaithLyn said, "OH, Mom, God answered your prayer!!!" And the icing on the cake is that he didn't even wake up after I gave him medicine!! WoostinkinWHO!

I realize this may just be one step in the lengthy process, but Thank You, Lord for one step!!!

Grumbling...

Today I found myself grumbling. It all started because we have a family of racoons living in our attic. Racoons are nocturnal. That means they are playing and chasing each other in the attic above my bed at 5 am. Judson hasn't been sleeping so well lately either. Then right after I FINALLY fell back asleep, the loud obnoxious alarm went off. BLAST!

All morning I have been grumbling. Why isn't Judson sleeping. . .why are racoons living in our attic. . .why can't we make continuous progress on our savings. . .why won't my two year old obey me(? Uh..because she's two, genius!). . . why did my space heater have to die right when it got really cold. . .
You know, grumbling.

Then while I was grumbling God laid on my heart the memory of a family who had a baby right around the same time as we had Judson. Their little girl is going to have heart surgery soon, and she just recovered from lung surgery. I realized it could be so much worse. That prompted to me look at all the areas that are causing me to grumble and I was able to see all of the progress we have made. Not only COULD it be worse......it was. Not that long ago. No matter how painful it is to move in the wrong direction at least we have been making progress in the right direction. Despite our backsliding we are still making forward progress.

BUT it is so easy for me to get my eyes set on the END goal and become totally disatisfied until I reach it. And unfortunately the joy and satisfaction that comes from that success is way too short lived.

Maybe the answer is to focus on the principles, the process, not the end goal. I mean, it is important to know where you are headed. Goals are good. But the principles and discipline and motivation for setting the goals are usually more important than the goals themselves.

We usually set goals to help us reach some bigger ideal. Like, we choose not to buy what ever we want whenever we want it so that we can pay the bills at the end of the month. We believe it is important to pay the bills every month because we want to be trustworthy. We want to be trustworthy so that our lives will reflect the glory of our Lord. I get it all mixed up and start thinking, "if only (first mistake!) we made more money, then we could afford to eat out when ever we want....or insert any fleeting, unsatisfying desire."

Instead I should be thanking the Lord that my son still sleeps through the night! It really wasn't so long ago that he wasn't. I just totally take for granted how hard we worked to make it that far! Now I am belly aching because he won't sleep during the day like I want! Really the truth is, I just want it all to be fixed. I want the drive-thru version! My way, right away.

I am realizing that the reason we have to take two steps forward and then one step back is so that we will keep working towards that goal. Most things that happen easily are not cherished. Sometimes we fall back a step because we got comfortable where we were. I know that in this house....there will always be some goal to work towards. I will never be satisfied with myself in this sinful state. At least I pray that is the case.

Christmas Goings On

My new favorite Christmas tradition is celebrating Advent. Since our Sundays are pretty full already we decided to do our advent readings and candle lighting on Monday. Maybe some day we will make it to the everyday readings and candle lighting but once a week is just right for us now. Everyone loves to help light the candles. Tonight we lit the candle that represents peace.

Last night FaithLyn sang in her preschool choir Christmas musical. It was strangely absent any actual Christmas music but cute none the less. Then she had her acting debut as Mary in the manger scene of the Children's Choir musical. She was pretty pumped to get to be in the big kids show!

Here's what our front porch looks like these days.

Here's what our four month old looks like these days. Some of my favorite pictures of all the girls are taken in this very Johnny-Jump-Up.

The doctor told us to work on upper body strength so we pulled this old faithful friend out.

HAPPY JUMPING!

Christmas picture...@#$%!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?? That is only half of the pictures taken! I can't reveal the actual Christmas card picture....

I'm Still Holding My Breath....

But I think my sweet baby boy may have mastered this whole sleeping thing!! Mimi and PopPop and Aunt Judy got a taste of the chaos that was naptime and it might not have worn them out but it sure did wear me out! It was nice having four more adults around to deal with the issue and comfort the cranky boy.

After Dan's days at home he understood why I was still so frazzled. A baby that cries all day in a very unpredictable pattern is so very wearing on your nerves. I was a mess! But, this week we have made a blissful break through. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and hopefully today, we have made it through morning nap and afternoon nap undisturbed!! I can handle the other naps being shaky as long as I get a little bit of time that I can count on quiet. Sweet undisturbed, calm, tranquil, QUIET!! You don't miss it until it's gone and it has been gone for almost 4 months now. It is time that we have a healthy, regular dose of quiet. It makes THIS mommy more peaceful and easy to deal with. I am still a little back logged so don't expect me to be patient. But I am definitely more sane! Not to mention a sweeter and smileyer little man!

Today he was fussing every time I walked out of his line of vision. As soon as I returned he started to coo and smile. It was almost like he was showing off for me. I felt wooed. But he must not know that he already has my heart and I fall all to pieces every time he smiles!

The Christmas Rush!

Well, it's here. The good times and all the stress it can bring!

Mimi and PopPop and Aunt Judy helped alleviate some of that stress while they were here. They took the girls out shopping for gifts for each other. It was a great idea I had not thought of before. Each child had a budget and they had so much fun finding gifts for each other. Then they came home and wrapped them up right away. I hope this can be a tradition. I also read somewhere about a Mom who started Mom's Store. She would collect small gifts throughout the year for each child and then set up shop for all the kids. She would change the gifts for each child and they would pay for them with their money just like at any store. The great thing is you get to decide the price, the gifts and the kids still get to have some autonomy in gift giving.


SO this year we got our decorations up quickly because the girls were itching to get their gifts under the tree. Since we had help this last week we decided to try and get all our Christmas shopping done. I am officially D-O-N-E!

We are continually blessed by our Lord, the Provider. We received a Christmas bonus from the church this year. PRAISE THE LORD!! It was totally unexpected and so much appreciated. I was determined to make it work and then God just laid a blessing in our laps! So, I wanted to be diligent to use the money wisely and not use all of it. We talked and decided exaclty what to spend, we set a price limit for each person and stuck to it! Because of the bonus we decided we could make gifts for our Youth workers and Volunteers. The girls and I are going to do LOTS of baking this Christmas. I guess for the amount of gifts we are giving we did it pretty frugally but darn if I didn't spend almost all of that money!

Besides the small gifts for the youth workers we spent less on our gifts than ever before. Perhaps it's because I added it all up so I could see exactly how much I spent but I was discouraged. Dan and I love to give gifts. We find such joy in it. I guess I need to do some more work on how to do it even more frugally.

I guess the real issue is money. The more I try to be a good steward of our money the more tight fisted I become. I hate that! IT'S NOT MY MONEY ANYWAY! How do I balance frugality without squishing out the attitude of giving? It's a struggle for me. The more we budget the more I stress about the money. I am sure that it will get easier. Some parts are freeing for me. I can budget things in and not worry if I am being irresponsible. But at the same time, there is no way to budget everything and when something comes up I panic or get stressed and worry about how to make it work with my precious budget. I know it is worth it.....I am by no means giving up. But I see an attitude emerging that I am not pleased with. The more I think about the money we are given, the more I make it my own. The harder it is to let go.

Every time I turn up the heater I see dollar signs flying away from me. Why am I struggling with this now? Dan and I have always been blessed with what we need when we need it. We have always given freely and found such joy in it. It is time for me to do a deep heart examination! What happened to me? What changed?

All that said, we are still giving freely this Christmas. We are trying to focus more on Christ so our gifts are not the focus. But giving is a BIG part of how we want our children to remember this holiday. I want them to know that it IS more blessed to give than to receive. We are moving one step closer to that this year and hopefully my struggle with frugality will not become their struggle as well. Most gifts take a little bit of money, even gifts that you make. I wish that I could take my eyes off of how much is being spent and enjoy the fact that we are able to give at all!

Somewhere I got the idea that it was important for us to get ahead. Not just financially, but in other ways as well. Saving money and using it responsibly became my way of getting ahead. Instead of blessing God by using my money wisely I got focused on the money. Money is only the means to the end and I am so sick of having the wrong focus.

I would rather spend every cent we have every month and allow our children to grow up in a family that focuses on others rather than have tons of money saved away and grow children that think the dollar amount in the bank is what brings happiness.

But don't worry......I am still going to try and teach them how to make sure that there is some waiting in the bank. I just forgot for a moment that the purpose of budgeting isn't to have more. It is simply to be more responsible with what you have, whether it's a little or a lot. Some of us just have to be a little more creative in how we give to others. I can handle that. As long as I don't stop wanting to give to others.

I pray that in the HURRY, HURRY, rush of Christmas time, and all the joy and stress that it can bring that you will take time to actually enjoy all the things that we decide are so imporant to fit in. And if for some reason you find yourself begrudging the gifts you have to give; office parties, church parties, school parties, school friends, teachers, Sunday School teachers, well, then just don't! No one said you HAVE to give gifts. If you want to and can, do but don't give yourself an ulcer trying to do what you think is expected. It probably isn't. A simple homemade card or heartfelt note of thanks might mean more than that box of candy anyway!

Let's try and keep this Christmas a MERRY one!

Happy Thanksgiving! 2007

Pre-Turkey dancing with PopPop















Preparations with Aunt Judy
















The feast














Story time with Big Sis











Babies in the hood- chillin'












Hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving and special time with family and friends!

Kids

Does this not just make your heart melt?
Well, I am obviously biased, being their mother and all. We just had a fun little picture shoot this morning. With the time change no one sleeps as late and we had a little extra time to have some fun.
FaithLyn is such a good big sister. I hope these three always value each others company like they do now. My little stair steps!



I caught a happy moment with Judson.





And then it was over.









This morning I went in to get him from a nap and he was just waiting for me contently. Those moments are rare! I went over and peered down at him smiling and he broke out in the biggest grin. We just cooed and smiled at each other for a while. Until I tried his patience too long and he got mad.
These moments are more common these days and I find that I cherish them more because of the days and days of fussy, sad, little Judson. If I stay home all day and everything goes just right he sleeps really well. So, most of the time he is sleeping great. When he is sleeping great he is a sweet, happy little boy. I guess he got that from me. Not the sweet, happy little boy part, the cranky when you don't get enough sleep part. I have been a tad bit more sane and even a bit happy these past few days.
Tonight I was putting Judson and Olivia to bed, they share a room. We were singing our goodnight song, Olivia has just started to sing with me; so cute! Then I turned the lights out and Olivia said her prayer and I prayed for them and then Judson started crying. So I leaned over him and started to sing pretty loudly to drown out the cries and he settled down and started to coo. It was like he was singing with me. He listened and watched until I stopped and then fussed a moment or two more. It is so nice to feel like he knows me now. I am not just the milk bar anymore. I am officially, Mama. He smiles when he sees me in the morning. I can calm him when he is restless and fussy. He knows me. He needs me. And even though I can't make it 5 minutes through any day with out being needed by 5 various people, it is nice to know that this little person doesn't just NEED me, he prefers me. Moments like that make all the other, "Tie my shoes, I need toilet paper, MOMMY!, She hit me, Why can't I have peanut butter and jelly", moments a little bit less taxing.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Patty!

I am blessed to share the same birthday as my sweet Aunt Patty. I tell you, I married into the greatest family! Not many girls can boast of that but I mean it wholeheartedly!

Hope you had a fabulous birthday as well! One of these days we need to celebrate together!
We sure do miss you!



Happy Birthday,

AUNT PATTY!!!

Visitors and My Last Year as a 20 Something.

What a great visit we had with Uncle David, Aunt Ellen and Cousin Seth! If you check out her post you can hear about the eventful trip home. I hope it won't deter them from visiting again.

The girls had a great time breaking Seth in to the world of big sisters. They tried very hard to take good care of him. He is such a sweet and easy going little guy! I mean we had 5 kids 5 and under in this house. We even managed to all get ready for church and make it there on time! But it was a group effort.

This was our first time to see David and Ellen in action as parents and it warmed my heart. They are everything and more than I ever imagined as parents.
Aunt Ellen is well known in our house for the Bear Hunt song. We did it several times and had a great time. We were REALLY into it! Maybe not the best way to calm down for bed but it was totally worth the memories we made.
Uncle David and Aunt Ellen are SOOO much fun!








Today was quite a day for me as well. My birthday celebrations started yesterday. We practice a birthday week in November. It always happens to fall the very week of my birthday......very convenient! ;)
My ladies bible study group suprised me with a cake yesterday. They blew me away with a gift certificate to a Spa! Then one of the dear ladies offered to babysit while I went! I was so overwhelmed, then I was just on a sugar high. Not really used to cake at 9 in the morning!

When I signed up for this study I picked the day time study as apposed to the night time study thinking all the other moms would be there. I was wrong. But I have been so blessed with this opportunity to get to know some of the older women of our church that I would not have otherwise had the opportunity to spend time with. They have blessed me with their love and acceptance.

I have been reading the Little House on the Prairie series to the girls and Dan got me the first season on DVD! We watched the first 4 or 5 episodes today. I cried in at least 3 of the 5!
My mother-in-love suprised me with a cake. Last year she was here to make me a cake, this year she ordered me one from the local bakery. What a treat! The roses were delivered this morning! (From Dan)


This afternoon at nap time I grabbed Olivia and we cuddled on the couch for a few minutes before Dan wisked her off to bed. In this picture we were saying, "Double Trouble!" This was right after we had been tickling her and she screamed, "That kickles!!"


Oh, and today while we were watching LHOTP, Pa picked up his fiddle after the girls had all gone to bed and he started to play. Then they moved the camera to a close up of the lamp. You could see the fire flickering. Elise was watching so intently and then she said, "Look, his music makes the fire dance." WOW! That floored me. I didn't even know what to say so I didn't say anything and she said, "Momma, look, his music is making the fire dance." I just grabbed her up in my lap and held her close. Isn't it amazing the things that kids can see!?

Everything about today was somewhat magical. And I am not just talking about how it was my birthday. Maybe that had something to do with it. Because it was my birthday I paid closer attention or something, but today was one of those days I would love to live over and over again. There were so many sweet memories. Like this morning when I heard the pitter patter of little feet as FaithLyn came straight to my room to tell me Happy Birthday first thing.

Then later tonight getting to have dinner with just Dan. We got talk. I realized how much I had to say. It was a good dinner. After that we went to a movie. Dan in Real Life. GREAT movie. I laughed so HARD. I think the other people in the movie theater were actually laughing at me rather than the movie. Then I cried. Hard. It was such a great movie. It had it all, laughs, drama, great music, a romance......what more could you ask for?

We came home to a quiet house, the kids were sleeping, the dishes were done..........free babysitters! My cup runneth over!

Rainy Day Tag

I was tagged by Gerlthouse to share what we do on rainy days. I want really badly to tell you all that we do something really special and meaningful....but we don't. It rained so much this past year that our house is sinking! Well just the bricks really. Let's see what are some of the things that we have done during the monsoon season. I can't think of anything that we do everytime. We usually watch a little more TV than normal. Sometimes we will pull out a game or read lots of books. Those are usually the days we might make cookies or something sweet to eat. I try to make them special somehow but rainy days always seem to become laundry days. We all sit in front of the TV together and I fold mountains of laundry. My kids like those days and I justify it because I am getting something done in close proximity to my children so I can monitor what they are watching. It eases my conscience anyway.

Personally, I am just making it through life right now. Just making it through a day, rainy or not, is a reason to rejoice in our house. I am focused on the big memories like holidays. That, I can tackle. We are also trying to figure out how to incorporate family worship into our schedule and what we want it to look like.

The girls always ask to do crafts or play with play dough. But the crafts take planning and clean up and the play dough takes monitoring and clean up. Those things I just don't have much energy for right now. Someday soon, but not yet.

But I would love to hear what you do! Someday I will be sleeping at night and I might even be able to get a nap every once in a while so I might need some back up ideas!
So, FordeFam, Shannon, and Ellen, I would love to hear how you do things!

I just found a tree like our blessing tree on the family fun website. They call it the thankful tree. I guess I am not as creative as I thought. Oh well. Some people come up with ideas and others make them happen, right? Did you see how I spinned that to make myself feel better? But the blessing tree was new to us! Happy November!!

The Kitten Litter

Here are all the kitty cats. I only made Judson wear a bib. But next year!! We had lots of fun last night at our church Trunk & Treat.

FaithLyn had her first preschool party and boy was she pumped! We got to all go and be there to see her sing the songs they had learned. Very cute and so interesting to see how she interacts with the world when we are not there all the time. She is such a sweet girl.

But in this picture she is a fierce cat! Don't get too close or you will find out just how sharp her kitty claws are!

Isn't this little guy growing so fast!? I am sure that if I mention this here it will stop but for the last three nights Jud the Stud has been sleeping through the night!!!! He is even sleeping through at least 2 naps, usually both morning, and sometimes the afternoon nap! I am not sure if I should begin to hope that we are finding some kind of normal or not. But I will definitely take what I can get and be ever so grateful!

Studley has some pretty sweet big sisters. I hope he appreciates how much they love him. FaithLyn begged us to take a picture of them all resting together for a moment while mommy got the fan going for nap time. Pretty sweet.

Our Blessing Tree

I love fall. November and December are my two favorite months of the year. So many fun things happen in November and December. Fall, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Advent, Christmas. I just love it all!

Last year, Dan and I started thinking seriously about traditions and how we want our family to celebrate holidays. I had this idea to help us celebrate Thanksgiving. It took me two years to impliment it but it's ready now. I copied a few leaf templates off of the family fun website (one of my links) and then traced and cut out a whole bunch of leaves on fall colored card stock. Now there are several ways to do that that are all tons easier. You can even buy the leaves cut out or have some sut out for you at most school supply stores for pretty cheap. But I was trying not to spend any money and I already had the card stock and I could do the work myself.

I did pay to have them laminated. It probably cost less than a dollar. Then I cut them out again. That's as far as I got last year.

This year we cut holes in the leaves and tied some hemp on to hand them. My original idea was to make a garland but this year I decided to make a tree. This way the girls get to help every year. I simply went outside, and thanks to that good 'ole Texas wind, found some branches that had fallen from our pecan tree. Then I got one of my empty pots, found some rocks and put the branches in. I taped them together so they wouldn't shift around. Then the girls hung the leaves. I fished out my black dry erase marker and put it in the pot with the rocks and then I picked a leaf and wrote our first blessing on our blessing tree.

Last night Judson slept from his last feeding until I woke him up for his first feeding this morning!! Praise the LORD! And he slept all the way through his first morning nap and is sleeping now!!! After the day we had yesterday this is a much needed blessing!

Fall Fun

I know that as Christians there are a lot of different perspectives on Halloween. We have never put a whole lot of emphasis on it in our family. But I think it's fun to dress up and I also think carving pumpkins is fun. This was the first time the girls got to do it. Well, actually they got to watch Dan and I do it. But FaithLyn doesn't really like to get dirty anyway.

Our friends invited us to have dinner and carve pumpkins and I never pass up an opportunity to have someone else cook dinner! That sweet looking boy is Callon. He is good friends with FaithLyn and Elise. His little brother Jace and Olivia hang together. We had a fun time. It's finally feeling like fall around here. We had our first frost last night and it is cooling off pretty quickly at night now. I love Fall!

Dan made me pose for a picture since I am never in any so here's the token mom picture. You probably won't see another one for a while. It's a football night, our last home game tonight. I am proudly sporting my Hawks shirt. If only my high school friends could see me now. We were the Longhorns, red and black, growing up. Our rivals were the Wirlwinds, green and white. The Hawks, ironically, are green and white. But football is pretty important around herea and several of our youth play so I sport the green proudly and offer my support. It's fun to feel like I am in the club when I go around town and everyone else is wearing their green too.

Oh, and those are Floydada pumpkins, by the way! Nothing but the best for us!!!

Let's be Honest

Ok, really....Most of you that read this know me. Some of you know me well enough to know that I may appear to have it all together but in reality it just APPEARS that way. Not that I try to pretend.......

Well, ok, I did say we should be honest. I caught myself the other day, pretending. The saddest part was that I was doing a miserable job at it. Why is it that as soon as you start trying to appear like you are Wonder Woman/ Super Mom that is inevitably the moment that everything falls apart! I'm not really asking. I know why. I serve a God that loves me enough to not let me pretend for a moment that I can do it all without Him.

The day of our churches child/baby dedication was the day that the Lord chose to show me my inability to be Wonder Woman/Super Mom. The week before the dedication Dan and I picked out meaningful verses for each of our children, we wrote heart-felt letters, we were ready to publicly dedicate our children to the Lord. That morning I was a frazzled MESS! I almost cried a million times that morning, I yelled at my children, tried to fool my parents into believing I can do it all so they would be super proud, floated through church like a zombie and finally succumbed to the tears when we got home and I faced the task of making lunch.

What did I accomplish by this little one person production? I will tell you what I didn't accomplish. I didn't prove to anyone that I am a better mother based on how my children look on Sunday mornings. I didn't fool my parents. They know me to well. They already think I am a good mother, though. They love me to well. I didn't enjoy this meaningful opportunity to dedicate, publicly, my children's lives to the Lord. I don't even remember it! You want to know what I remember? I remember Elise climbing up on the stage and then sitting down on the steps. I remember Olivia talking and crying because she wanted to be with Nana in the pew. I remember squeezing Elise's shoulder to get her to stand still, making her cry......during the prayer of dedication. I remember thinking, "Everyone is looking at us and what are they going to think of this Youth Minister and his family?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? What has happened to me? Since when did I care what they thought? Well, I have always cared but I haven't been sleep deprived enough to let anyone know it. It has always been my "act" to seem disintrested in the opinions of others.

It is an act.

It is my way of protecting myself. If I act like I don't care then if they don't like me maybe it won't hurt so bad. Well. It usually doesn't consume me like it did that day. But the ugliness of it came crashing in on me hard! I have a two-month old son. OK!!! I do not have it all together! I am TIRED. I reach a point almost every day that if one more child comes and asks me for something I will LOOSE IT!!

BUT, I can not even imagine doing anything else in the world. I don't have to have it all together to be a good mom. I don't even have to pretend to have it all together! Why do I try?
I often get so focused on portraying the wonderful life that God has given me and that I rejoice in daily that I forget to actually enjoy the wonderful life that God has given me. Am I alone out there? Come on Moms, give me some love. I am not the only one out there that tries to appear like Super Mom . . . . . am I???

Even if I am the only one, I am NOT Super Mom. I am just, Kelli. Daughter of the Most Holy God, wife of Daniel, mother of FaithLyn, Elise, Olivia, and Judson. That is enough. That is all I need to strive for.

No more pretending........Not today anyway, I already burned our dinner!

My Poor Little Man

I have been so frustrated with the progress, or should I say Lack of Progress!, with Judson. You see, I am a Babywiser. I schedule my kids. The others have done really well with it and it helps me know what to expect. Anyway, all that aside, it just hasn't been working with Judson. He cries A LOT! I cry a lot, too. He isn't sleeping through the night and he is very rarely just content. I was beginning to take it personally.

Do you other Moms ever have moments where you finally can see all the hard things from a different perspective and you realize they aren't just hard for the sake of being hard. There really is something wrong. Then you sheepishly look down and shuffle your feet and mumble, "Oh, that's why things have been so hard."

About two weeks ago I took Judson to the doctor for a cough. We had been passing this cough around for about a month and half so I assumed he had finally gotten it from his overly affectionate sisters. The doctor quickly diagnosed reflux and prescribed some medication to help strengthen the muscle that closes off the stomach from the esophagus. Anyway, I was doubtful of the diagnosis. So for the last two weeks I have been thinking that Jusdon was purposefully waking up at night just to keep me from getting a good nights sleep. Then he purposefully doesn't sleep during nap time so he can yet again keep me from getting some much needed sleep. It was all very personal! That little toot was doing this on purpose! I mean good grief he is huge! He shouldn't have any trouble sleeping! And why does he insist on waking up 45-50 mins into each nap!? He must have it in for me!

Well, this morning after a rough night, I was ready to give up. I went into my room, hid behind the bed and curled up in the fetal position and cried. I am a little sleep deprived. While I was praying that God would have mercy on my sad little soul I realized that maybe I should do a little research into this reflux thing. Thank you, Lord for placing that thought in my mind.

When I looked it up on the internet everything started to make sense. All of the symptoms. The fussiness, ALL DAY! The waking at night with bouts of screaming. The gagging and coughing, the wheezing, the spitting up. So, at this point I sheepishly look down at my feet and say, "Oh, that's why things have been so hard."

Now that I am armed with the knowledge of what this really is, even though the doctor already told me!, I can do it. You see, I was expecting things to work a certain way. With FaithLyn and Elise it worked. Then I thought about Olivia, hmmm....It makes sense now. She must have dealt with this too. She had all the same symptoms. Except she cried all night and Judson cries all day. With Olivia I kept trying to make her do it my way and she was not physically able. I wasn't doing anything wrong and as soon as her reflux got better then all the work that we had done on shedule just fell into place. But unfortunately she never was a great sleeper like the other girls. I was determined not to make that mistake again. And here we are!

Oh well, at least we caught it this time. I am so thankful for a doctor who listened to me and diagnosed the problem quickly. Now that I have faced reality that it's just going to be different I can hopefully move forward. I realize now that letting him sleep in the rocker during the day is ok. He has to sleep and letting him cry only makes his reflux worse. Giving him his pacifier isn't going to keep him from learning to go to sleep on his own. I am not going to rely on these things but I will now allow myself to use these things as a resource to help get through this. This will not last forever!

I will sleep peacefully again......someday. I have hope again. That's all I needed. I had it all along and I refused to grasp it and hold on tight. I will now. I am hanging on for dear life to the hope that this to shall pass.

How often have I done this is other areas of my life? I have certain expectations for how things should go and I miss all the signs that things are just different this time. I keep trying to fit life or God or people into these neat little boxes that I can understand. Sometimes it works. But most times life is just MESSY! I keep trying to tell myself I have it all figured out and then BAM! something comes along and I have to face the fact that I still have a lot of learning to do. No matter how many kids we have each one will be different and things that worked once might not ever work again! That's life. I don't really want to have it all figured out, do I?

Two Months. . . .only two?

Our little man is two months old. I have to keep telling myself that this little guy is only two months old. For some reason I keep trying to push him on to the next stage. Sleeping through the night would be nice. . .but I am not sure why I can't get my mental time lapse to line up with reality.

We took Judson and Olivia to the doctor this morning. Olivia has ear infections in both ears and the doctor thinks Judson has reflux. I am not so sure about that one but we will see. Anyway, the exciting part for me was the part where they weigh everyone. I have been so anxious to see how much chunky monkey man weighs. They weighed him with his clothes on so it isn't official but today he weighed 13 lbs 2 oz. That's one pound shy of doubling his birth weight. But now I know he can sleep through the night!!! SO he has a few more days then the night time trips to the all night all-you-can-eat milk bar are done!!!

This weekend is baby dedication at church and we are dedicating all the kiddos since we never had a chance before. We wrote them letters and picked a verse. They will open their letters on their 12th birthday's. My parents are getting to come up for it and I am so excited to make it a special day for our family. The girls are just pumped that Nana and Papa are coming! Hopefully pictures of that special event will be coming soon!

Jud-the-Stud and little Livy

Next week we are going for Judson's two-month check up. I have a hard time believing it has only been two months! SO much has happened in that short time and well, look at him! He's huge! I have never had a baby this big at 8 weeks! Perhaps I just forget after having little Olivia. She was so small for so long. But he's doing really well. He can hold his head up off of my sholder when I am holding him. I don't even have to hold his wobbly head anymore. He is so strong! If I hold his head or try to make him lay it down on my shoulder he gets pretty upset with me.


















They say everything is bigger in Texas.....




















These are just some cute pictures of Olivia. She found Daddy's hat and I just couldn't resist a few shots.


















Does this one look like trouble or what?!

FUN Friday

Welcome to the Goose Park. That's what we call it anyway. Since FaithLyn has started to Preschool I am trying to make Fridays special for the kiddos at home. Sometimes that means we have our own little preschool class and sometimes it means we have a special trip somewhere. This time we went to the park to play.




It was fun to see the girls run and play. I tried to take lots of pictures because somehow that makes it seem so much more special. Well, that and to make up for my lack of pictures over this last crazy month we have been through.

Our 5 Year Old!

FaithLyn had her 5th birthday on Sept. 20. She had quite a birthday, too. She got to celebrate twice! Her actually birth day was spent at Nana and Papa's house. Memaw made her a yummy cake and she got to open her presents from Nana and Papa and one from Mimi and PopPop.
That was a quickly planned and executed visit so I forgot to pack the camera. "Shoot, where's the camera?" is going to be my new catch phrase.



Let me introduce you to the newest member of our family. This cute little pup is Shelby/Sarah. FaithLyn has never asked for any specific toy for her birthday or ever for that matter so this year when she asked for a Puppy Grows and Knows Your Name(Yes, that is the name of this toy!) I was heartbroken when I found out how much it cost. Too much for our budget. But Nana and Papa pulled through and we are now the happy owners of Shelby. The girls were so excited when FaithLyn opened the present! I told FaithLyn she better give Nana and Papa a big hug and Elise went immediately to give hugs too. She knows the rules all to well at our house. We share all the toys here so FaithLyn fun new toy would be fun for all!
She also got lots of great new clothes and some great new Adventures in Odessy to listen to at night, thanks to Mimi and PopPop.


I am usually not a big fan of lots of presents and getting exactly what you want but this time it was ok. My mom needed a reason to be super extra good to the girls and since we all share ALL of our toys in our house it works out for everyone.


She was pretty proud of her birthday cake. She picked out that cake all by herself. It was pretty cute, I have to say. Dan and I decided to get her an easel for her birthday. She is always asking me if we can paint or do a craft. This way I can give her a little help and she can get going on her own. Thanks to Nana and Papa she now has a large supply of art materials that are all hers and easily accessable.
When we got home on Saturday we had our little birthday celebration with Daddy. He had to stay and work so he missed the other party.

But Daddy knows how to make a day special. We went to The Plex, a family fun center and he took FaithLyn and Elise both riding on the bumper cars and then we all went on the bumper boats. THen we went inside to add to the frenzy of children pouring money and tokens into the games for those little tickets that will redeem for tacky and useless prizes. We didn't stay there long. Mommies nerves were unable to take the chaos for very long.
All in all, I would say FaithLyn had a pretty eventful birthday week. We sure are thankful for our sweet girl!
Happy Birthday, FaithLyn!