The Honest Prayer of an Imperfect Mother

Those of you that know our family well know that discipline is a big thing with us. We believe that God created the family unit. He created it for a purpose and it is the parent's job to train for that purpose. Though we believe only He can accomplish that purpose.

What is the purpose of family? There are several.

1. The marriage relationship is meant to represent our relationship to Christ. The man giving of himself as Christ for his wife and the wife humbling herself in submission to the head of the family, like we as christians submit to the will of our Lord. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

2. The parent/child relationship is created to prepare our children to follow, submit and love the will of our Heavenly Father. (Deut. 6: 6-9) I personally believe the parent/child relationship is also meant to bring us down a peg or two in our own eyes!

3. I believe the family unit as a whole is a representation of the body of Christ. One body, many believers working for one purpose, to glorify the Living God.

Now, how we accomplish this grand task of glorifying the Living God through our family......well I don't dare claim to have that nailed down! But I do know that "To do what is right and just is more acceptable than sacrifice." Proverbs 21:3.

How do I teach my children to do what is right and just? Well, first I have to teach them what is right and just because, I probably don't have to tell you that, even our sweet children need to be TAUGHT right from wrong.

Next, we need to teach our children to CHOOSE to do what is right and just. Our children are still fairly young. We are mainly still in the stage of teaching what is right and wrong. To us that goes hand in hand with teaching our children to obey. How can we expect our children to obey God our Father if we do not expect them to obey their earthly parents? Perhaps I am wrong but I fear that if they do not learn to obey their earthly parents, who love them and want what is best for them, they might not choose to obey their Heavenly Father who is infinitely more loving and good. I also understand that, ultimately, I have NO control over their decision to follow Christ and accept His salvation. But I can certainly do my part to lead them to the door where I am promised that Jesus waits ready to welcome and receive "...whoever hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me." Rev. 3:20.

In our effort to teach what is right and wrong I fear I have missed the mark. It is much easier to tell a child what is wrong than to teach what is right. My good friends and family know that I am a control freak. Many misinterpret our discipline as simply control. But I must admit that they are unfortunately not far from the truth. You see I often forget that the goal is not to control my children to do what is right. I am supposed to train them to do what is right, and training leaves room for choice. I like to think that I give my children choices. They have the right to obey or not. And when they do not they can depend on discipline. I am realizing that my role is not their ruler. I am to be their guide. I need to show them both paths and tell what lies ahead on both, and for now, I will take them on the correct path, but soon it will be my job to allow them to choose their own path.

I will never prepare them for that day of choosing if I never allow them make wrong choices. I would much rather my children make poor choices while they are under my care. Then I will have the power to guide them back to the correct choices while I ease them through the consequences in a loving and forgiving enviornment. When they are no longer under my care I can only give advice and guidance when it is sought. Will they seek my advice if they are finally so glad to be out of my control?

There is a fine balance between the relationship of mother and child. I must be the parent not the friend, but I must not sacrifice the relationship in order to be "in charge." Honestly, I haven't figured that part out yet. I know that there is a balance. I want my children to see the love of Christ in me. I want them to recognize His voice because they have heard it before through me. But I spend a lot of my time saying no, and correcting wrong behavior. My earnest prayer is that I will not damage my relationship with my sweet children cutting off any opportunity to impact them with the LOVE of Christ.

I am humbled daily by my sinful anger and hurtful reactions to my children. And all to often they show me the love of Christ through their loving forgiveness more than I do through my loving guidance.

I tell you what, this parent thing, IT AIN'T EASY! But it brings me to my knees more regularly than any other relationship or responsibility in my life. There is no question that I love my children. I just sometimes forget the BEST way to show it. I know there is a middle ground between disciplinarian and permissiveness. Fortunatley I do not struggle with being too permissive. I am seeking out that middle-ground from the PERFECT parent. I feel confident that even if I am unable to perform the task flawlessly He will show me the correct path. So to all you fellow parents on this long hard journey of parenthood, I pray for you also. May you guide your children to the one Perfect Father, and find peace and joy in the journey yourselves.